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    Category: Bad Behavior

    CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

    Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

    (He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

    Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

    (She runs over.)

    Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

    Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

    Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

    (She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

    Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

    (He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

    Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

    Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over, I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

    Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s postictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

    (Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

    Woman: “I’m [name.]”

    Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [name]. Do you remember what happened?”

    Woman: “Yeah, I lay down, and then I woke up like this.”

    Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

    Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

    Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

    Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

    (The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

    Medic #1: “What happened here?”

    Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

    Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Postictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

    Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

    Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

    Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

    Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

    (The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)

    He Got Burned

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, School, Top

    (I am appointed as a volunteer marshal at college. The college hosts a book launch, and the fire alarm goes off. Most people follow directions to the fire exits, but one guest is sat there drinking his free champagne.)

    Me: “You can bring your drink if you like, sir, but we have to go outside and wait for the fire brigade to tell us it’s safe to re-enter.”

    Guest: “No, I shall stay here. It’ll be a false alarm.”

    Me: “I have no way of knowing if it’s a real fire or a false alarm, so please come with me to the assembly point, sir.”

    Guest: “I’m not taking instructions from you! Who do you think you are?”

    Me: “Just a voluntary fire marshal, sir.”

    Guest: “Just a student, then.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m a student here. Sorry about this, sir, but there’s a formality I have to conduct.”

    (I take out my phone and start the video camera. I point it at him.)

    Me: “It’s 12:57 pm. The fire alarm is sounding. I’m instructing you to follow me to the fire exit.”

    Guest: “Pathetic. And I’m refusing. What’s the point of that little charade? To show it to your friends on Youtube?”

    Me: “No, sir. If it proves necessary, to show it to the coroner at your inquest.”

    (I turn and leave. The guest waits until I’m turning the corner, and then follows.)

    Lunch Lady Is No Lady

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am helping a customer who, with her six-year-old son, pick out stain for her deck. I am the only person in the paint department. Another customer comes up to my desk. I call for backup.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “It should only be a few minutes wait.”

    (After about 30 more seconds, Customer #2 storms down the aisle to where I am still working with Customer #1.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “This isn’t personal shopper day! Other people need help; you need to get your s*** and leave!” *to me* “Get your a** on the phone and get someone over here to serve me, b****!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, he was with another customer. I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

    Customer #2: *goes back to the desk to wait* “B****!”

    Me: *to Customer #1* “I’m sorry about that—”

    Customer #1′s Young Son: “It’s okay lady! She is my lunch lady, and she is mean to EVERYONE! Don’t listen to her; you’re doing great helping mommy!”

    The Bald And The Beautiful

    | Roseville, MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m stocking food in one of the grocery aisles. At the opposite end of the aisle are two teenage boys and a pair of bald women customers. One of the customers has dark brown patches on her scalp and is wearing sunglasses. The other has clear skin, is wearing a nice dress and extravagant earrings. I’m a male with alopecia, so seeing young, balding people doesn’t really mystify me. The two teenage boys start to point and laugh at them.)

    Teenage Boy #1: “Man, these two d***’s think they look so good! Bald b**** trying to look girly; she’d look hot if she didn’t have a nasty man head!”

    Teenage Boy #2: “Look at the nasty spots on her head!”

    Teenage Boy #1: “Nasty spotty b**** with her nasty lesbian friend!”

    (Horrified, I start to storm over to stop this, when the customer with patchy skin whips around, mere inches from the teenage boy’s faces and speaks through gritted teeth.)

    Customer #1: “I have f****** cancer! Metastatic breast cancer. I probably don’t have very long to f****** live. These ‘nasty spots’ are lesions. My best friend shaved her head to support me. She’s the best support system you could f****** ask for, and if you two have a support system in making fun of two women whose lives you don’t even know, then I’m sorry for you. So, I’ll thank you to hold off on these comments in the future, just in case the people you’re berating are either dying or about to lose someone they love.”

    (The color leaves the boys faces, and they hang their heads low, while the women walk down the aisle toward me. Customer #2 turns back to them.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, and even if we were bald lesbians, you still had better keep your d*** mouths shut!”

    (As they walk past me, I tip my hat off to them to reveal my smooth, shiny head. The women high five me, and walk to the next aisle arm in arm.)

    Sold A Game, Bought A Life-Lesson

    | Helsinki, Finland | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (I work in a store that sells and buys used games, consoles and computers. We require that everyone who sells us something shows an ID. A young customer comes to the store to sell PS3 games.)

    Me: “Hey there. What have you got for us?”

    Customer: “Some games.”

    (He puts the games on the counter. I check them and we agree on the price.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ll need your ID please.”

    Customer: “What! No! Why?”

    Me: “It’s store policy, and it really helps with cutting down the amount of people trying to sell us stolen items. I know it’s a bit of drag when selling just games, but we buy a lot of expensive electronics as well. There’s no way around it I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “No one is required to carry around an ID in Finland! That is the law! We are free here.”

    Me: “Sure, but I’m not required to buy these games from you either.”

    Customer: “But I don’t have to have my ID with me. It’s the f***** law. Check it, you ignorant dumb-a**!”

    Me: “What that law means is that you can’t get arrested for being without an ID, but there is still a whole bunch of stuff that you can’t do. You can’t get a loan from the bank, make a phone contract etc… I’m done arguing about this. Show me an ID, or I won’t buy these games. It’s as simple as that.”

    Customer: “Fine! Whatever!”

    (The customer throws his ID on the counter, fuming. We get the transaction done, and he goes to the shopping area to look at the games on sale. After awhile the alarm at the door goes off. I look up and see the same customer bolting from the store. A coworker starts to run after him. I stop him.)

    Me: “Don’t bother. That guy just sold us some games.”

    (My coworker laughs so hard he has to go to the office. I look up the customer’s info and call the number services to get his phone number. I call him and he answers.)

    Customer: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Hey, this is [me] from [store].”

    (There is a long silence.)

    Me: “Yeah, if you could just bring back the games you stole, that would be great.”

    Customer: “I, uh…”

    Me: “Otherwise we will be forced to contact the police. Come now and we can settle this.”

    Customer: *sheepishly* “Okay. Don’t call the police, please.”

    Me: “Be here in five minutes.”

    (After about two minutes he comes running through the door. I take him to the office, and he gives me back the stolen game. I look at him closely and can see that he is really scared.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry! I’m not a thief. I just got pissed because of the whole ID argument, and wasn’t thinking straight. My dad is a lawyer, and I guess I thought I knew about this stuff. I was stupid and wrong. Please don’t call the police; I’m not a criminal.”

    (I believe him, and actually feel kind of sorry for him. He is only 18 after all, and everyone makes mistakes.)

    Me: “Okay, I believe you have learned a lesson. We forgive you, and the matter is settled.”

    (He thanks me profusely and leaves. The next day he shows up to the store with some candy and pastries for the whole staff. Over the next months he has become a regular of the store. He is always very polite and nice and has even been seen arranging the games after other customers have messed up the shelves. He is a far cry from the arrogant brat that came to the store the first time. Everyone deserves a break.)


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