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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Selling Foot In Mouth Disease

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bad Behavior

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for some shoes for work and I heard you had comfortable ones.”

    Me: “We certainly do. May I ask what your profession is?”

    Customer: “Oh I don’t have a profession right now. I just need something I can wear to work in retail until I get a real job.”

    Needs A Break(fast)

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have toast?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

    Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

    Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

    Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

    Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

    Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

    Me: “Would you like syrup—”

    Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

    (Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

    Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

    Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

    Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

    One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

    | France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

    Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

    Patient: “Which one?”

    Me: “Which one what?”

    Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

    Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

    Patient: “D***.”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”

    They Should Screen Customers Like This

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a touch screen tablet/kiosk in store that allows you to create a playlist for making custom CDs. One day, a man is shouting and punching the screen trying to get it to work. I come over to help him.)

    Customer: “This f****** thing is broken. It won’t accept any of the letters when I press them!”

    Me: “Please be gentle with the device. I’ll show you how easy it is to use.”

    (I show him, and after a few minutes he tries again, pressing the space between the letters instead of any actual letters.)

    Customer: “Your cheap-a** tablet is the reason I can’t figure it out!”

    (I just stand there letting him vent, all while finishing his list of songs. When it is done he wants to enter his name, and goes back to jamming the screen with his finger and cursing loudly.)

    Me: “I will finish it for you. The total will be [total].

    Customer: “That’s way too expensive! Never mind.”

    (The customer then just simply walks away. I turn around to see my coworkers laughing at me. Great days in retail!)

    Green Eyes Don’t Get You The Green

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Money

    (I am keying in banking and income information for a customer who really wants to borrow 200 dollars.)

    Me: “Congratulations! You’ve been approved for $150 today!”

    Customer: “Oh, man! Thanks! Did you know you have the most beautiful green eyes I’ve ever seen, young lady?”

    Me: “Thank you so much, but our loans are computer generated amounts based on your income and banking information. I can’t approve for more than the $150.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, they aren’t that pretty after all.”

    Me: *just staring at him* “Umm?”

    Customer: “That came out wrong.”

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