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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Today You Were Helped By Me, Myself, And I

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior

    (I am covering a break in the music department and help a middle-age woman find a CD. Immediately after that I head to the cafe to cover a break there as well, and the same customer comes through to get a drink.)

    Customer: “Didn’t I just see you?”

    Me: “Nah, that was my twin. We wear the same clothes.”

    Customer: “Well, you tell her she was very nice. She helped me find what I wanted.”

    Me: *to coworker, after customer leaves* “I’m gonna go to the registers now and see if I can convince her I’m triplets…”

    Very Black Comedy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (My friend and I arranged a double date to introduce my girlfriend and me to his girlfriend, who is blind and uses a guide dog. We went to a fairly fancy restaurant that keeps the lights low. Her guide dog is a black lab, so there are a few close calls from passing servers. Shortly after having the appetizers delivered to us we’re approached by one of the servers.)

    Server: “Hello. I’m so sorry to inconvenience your party this evening, but we noticed that your guide dog is quite dark and hard to see in the aisle. If it’s not too much of trouble would you mind if we relocated you a part of the restaurant with less traffic?”

    (The server motions towards one of the unoccupied booths at the back corner of the restaurant. We’re pretty much right in the path from the kitchen to the rest of the restaurant.)

    Me: “What, because he’s black you’re going to toss us at the back of the restaurant?!”

    (The server stands there for a few seconds wide eyed and stammering, obviously not knowing what to say. My friend and I lose our poker face and break down into laughter.)

    Friend: “Don’t worry about it, man. We’re just f****** with you. If you didn’t ask us, we were going to ask you if we could move anyway.”

    A Temporary Hot Pocket

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (I am working at a dollar store. We have a very belligerent couple who are always rude and always bringing their dogs into the store. One day they get a new puppy and the man very obviously tries to hide it in his jacket. We all know about the dog, but wait until they are done paying to say this:)

    Me: “Did you know your pocket peed down your front?”

    (We haven’t seen them since.)

    Brought Her Baggage With Her

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I am currently checking out a customer with a $130 order. Another customer comes up behind her with one item and I tell the first customer that I will check the second customer out first before I continue to help her. Big mistake.)

    Customer #1: “Why? That doesn’t make any sense! I was here first!”

    Me: “It will only take a moment, ma’am. She only has one item.”

    Customer #1: “Whatever.” *rolls her eyes and scoffs at me*

    Customer #2: “No, really it’s okay. I can wait.”

    Me: “It’s not a problem. Once I help you, I can focus on helping this customer bag.”

    Customer #1: “Help me bag? You WILL bag!”

    Me: *speechless*

    (I keep quiet at this point so I don’t say something I regret. I help Customer #2 out and she leaves. Things are tense now between me and Customer #1. I am already bagging her items. My manager comes over to try and defuse the situation’)

    Customer #1: “I’m glad you’re here, since apparently SHE needs help.”

    (My manager and I bagged her items and got her out of there. She was the worst customer I had ever had to deal with since I had been working at that store.)

    This Method Of Customer Service Should Go Viral

    | Reno, NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working at the call center of a major bank. Usually we only handle questions regarding savings or checking accounts, but, in order to save customers time and aggravation, we are ‘encouraged’ to try to answer questions that more properly should be answered by a different department.)

    Customer: “I’m trying to log onto my account, but it just keeps asking for my username and password.”

    (I mute the call and turn to a co-worker who is monitoring the call queue.)

    Me: “How bad is the wait for online customer care?”

    Coworker: “35 minutes; it’s been climbing all night.”

    (I take the customer off mute.)

    Me: “Normally I would transfer you to online customer care, but let’s see if we can figure this out without you being on hold longer. Is your caps lock light on?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I go through all of the steps, and none of the usual errors seem to be a problem. I then recall an email that had gone around the company a few weeks before, about some malware and phishing attempts going on, and our bank is one of the targets.)

    Me: “Sir, do you know what the address bar is on your browser?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “Up near the top of the screen, a long thin white rectangle, with letters inside? The letters should start with ‘http’?”

    Customer: *pause* “Yes, I see it.”

    (By this time my supervisor has noticed how long the call is taking and has come over to listen in.)

    Me: “Can you read off the letters after the two slash marks?”

    (As the customer begins to read the letters, I figure out the problem.)

    Me: “Sir, that’s not our website.”

    Customer: “But it’s got your logo on it.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It’s a website that is supposed to look like our website, in order to steal your information.”

    Customer: “But it’s your logo.”

    (This continues for several minutes until the customer finally gets it.)

    Customer: “So what can I do?”

    Me: “You need to run antivirus software to make sure it isn’t a virus or malware. If you don’t know how to do that, I would recommend you get a professional to check out your computer.”

    Customer: “Can’t you recommend the software I could use?”

    Me: “Sir, we are a bank; I can’t give you advice about which software to use.”

    Supervisor: “Send him over to online customer care.”

    Coworker: “The wait’s gone up to 75 minutes.”

    Me: “Sir, can I place you on hold for a moment?”

    (I place him on hold and turn to my supervisor.)

    Me: “You want me to get him off the line right?”

    Supervisor: “The call’s already too long.”

    Me: “You want me to do whatever it takes to get him off the line?”

    Supervisor: “Yes! Just don’t hang up on him!”

    Me: *takes the customer off hold* “Sir, I’ve just asked our technicians, and they tell me that if you don’t take the computer in to a professional, the virus could infect any children in the house, and they could wind up paralyzed for life.”

    Customer: “Oh, my god! Can I take it into [Big Name Electronics Retailer]?”

    Me: “Yes, their computer department can scan and fix your computer. They do it all the time.”

    Customer: “Oh, my god. Thank you so much! You’re the best customer service guy I’ve ever talked to!”

    Me: “I’m glad I was able to help.” *turn to my supervisor as he stares at me in horror* “Happy?”

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