• Retract The Tract
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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Bad Behavior

    This Transaction Went Straight Down The Toilet

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer came into our store with a toilet that he had installed himself, and he wanted to return it. This toilet had been used and was disgusting. He had no receipt, and we couldn’t find the purchase on any of his credit cards.)

    Customer: “I want you to return this NOW!”

    Manager: “Sir, we can’t return a high price item without a receipt or the card used.”

    Customer: “If you don’t return this one, I’m just going to take one off of the shelf!”

    Manager: “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

    (The customer proceeded to pick up the filthy toilet and throw it. It broke, and our associates ended up having to clean it up.)

    You’ve Been Framed

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a manager of an independent retail store with strict refund/exchange policies.)

    Customer: “Hello, I purchased this frame the other day and would like to swap it as it’s the wrong one.”

    Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “No. I just want to swap it.”

    Me: “Okay, well, without a receipt I can’t really exchange it. It’s also not recognised on our till so I don’t know how much it was originally, therefore can’t swap it as I don’t know if it’s equal value.”

    Customer: “THIS IS DISGUSTING! You are meant to support local businesses! This is disgusting!”

    Me: “I’m sorry; if you have a bank statement perhaps we can do something.”


    (The customer proceeded to throw the glass photo-frame across the store at my head. I swerved and avoided being hit with the frame and the customer stormed out of the shop. I stood, shocked by what had just happened. The customer then came back into store and demanded the photo-frame back, shouting that she would be making an official complaint about me!)

    I’m Not La La Laughing

    | San Antonio, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (I’m listening in on a call my husband/coworker is taking.)

    Husband: “Ma’am, I apologize, your assumption was not correct. The service is not transferable and must be used by the end of next month. This information is stated on our website and on the receipt we sent you at the time of purchase.”

    Caller: “La la la la la la la la!”

    Husband: “Ma’am, I can continue to assist you but we need to have this conversation like grown-ups. If you insist on acting like a child, I will have to put you in time out by hanging up”

    Caller: “Well, f*** you!” *click*

    Me: “Aren’t you glad you married me instead of someone like that?”

    Husband: “If you acted like that, we wouldn’t have even started dating.”

    No Kidding About The Kid, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

    (The store I work at is on a busy street with a lot of bars and very little available parking, so a lot of non-customers will illegally park in our lot despite the numerous signs. A tow company comes by on the busier evenings and take the cars of those not in the store to their lot. I often have to handle irate people who are angry about their car being towed and the release charges. At about 11:30 pm, a woman stumbles into the store, obviously inebriated, and demands to know where her car is.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you were not in our store while your car was parked in our lot it was most likely towed.”

    Her: “Are you f****** kidding me? I was only gone two hours… What gives you the right to take my car?!”

    Me: “Well, per our signs in the lot, you cannot park there unless you are patronizing our store. It was a tow company that took your car.”

    Her: “This is bullshit! You crooks took my car and I bet my iPad will be missing from it, too!”

    Me: “I doubt that, but here is the number of the tow company for you to call.”

    Her: “Ugh, my kids are probably still in there, too!”

    Me: *praying I’ve misheard her* “Excuse me, did you say YOUR KIDS?!”

    Her: “Yeah. God d*** it; this is f****** unbelievable!”

    Me: “Sure is… Tell you what; I’ll call the company for you because you seem a little upset.”

    Her: “Yeah, DO THAT. It’s your job!”

    (I called the tow company to ask if they’d found her kids. They had, recently, and had them warming up in the office. It is late February.)

    Me: “Hey… can you write down your name and plate number in case your, um, iPad is missing?”

    Her: “D*** right! You’ll hear from my lawyer if it isn’t!”

    (As soon as she left in a cab, I called the police and explained the situation. They met her at the tow lot and arrested her.)

    No Kidding About The Kid

    Bigotry Is Not On The Menu

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (A few years ago I was working as a hostess in a restaurant. One night, two men come in and ask for a table. I lead them to an available one.)

    Older Man: “We can’t sit at this table.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Is there something wrong?”

    Older Man: “We just can’t sit here; move us somewhere else.”

    (I’m confused, as the table I was seating them at was actually our most popular one. I start walking toward a manager to ask where I should move them, when the two young, clean, nicely-dressed men at the next table happen to get up to leave.)

    Older Man: “It’s okay! We can sit here now!”

    (I realize this guy assumed the two young men were gay, and could apparently not eat in their vicinity. I relate what happened to my (gay) manager and the (straight) server.)

    Manager: “[Server], you’re only allowed to talk to these guys as if you’re the gayest person on this planet.”

    (I will never forget the look of horror on the men’s faces when the server, a huge, beefy black man, started telling them the specials while sounding like a drag queen.)

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