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    Category: Bad Behavior

    A Listening Ear Can Switch Gear

    | Omaha, NE, USA | Bad Behavior, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a security guard for a company unaffiliated with the business I provide security for. I literally sit in a shack and sign reps from other companies in and out of the complex. I am way over-qualified for this position, but it is perfect for going to school.)

    Me: “Morning, sir. What brings you to [Company]?”

    Customer: “MY DAD DIED TWO YEARS AGO AND THEY WON’T TRANSFER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE BILLS TO ME!”

    Me: “Okay, sir. Here is where you have to go.” *gives site name directions and what to do and say*

    Customer: “Ugh! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I DROVE TWO HOURS TO THIS LOCATION JUST TO BE TOLD THAT I’M WRONG!?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO CUSTOMER SERVICE IN THE WORLD!? I WANT YOU TO TRANSFER MY BILLS TO ME!”

    Me: “Not my problem, sir. I don’t work for [Company]. I just provide security from customers like you.”

    Customer: “GAH! *slams his sports car into reverse and leaves pretty thick black lines in the concrete* “D*** IT!”

    (Hours later, the guy came back with coffee and some sandwiches, parked in front of the shack, apologized profusely, and told me about recent events: cheating wife, ungrateful daughter, and a recent suicide by his mother. I listened and give him my number and told him to call whenever he needed a friendly ear. He calls once a month.)

    Listed Under Idiot

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Wild & Unruly

    Me: *waiting for answer on phone* “Hello. Can I speak to [Name], please?”

    Woman: “Sorry, I don’t know anyone called [Name].”

    Me: “Is that [Company]?”

    Woman: “No, it’s not.”

    Me: “Oh, I must have dialled a wrong number. I’m sorry to have troubled you.” *hangs up*

    Me: *while checking the number I need, my phone rings* “Hello, [Company]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Who is this?”

    Me: “This is [Company] and I’m [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Angry Man: “Where did you get this number?”

    Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but you just rang us.”

    Angry Man: “No, I didn’t. You rang me!”

    Me: *thinks he may have been on hold from another department* “Oh, well if you tell me who you were talking to I’ll try and connect you.”

    Angry Man: “I don’t want to talk to anybody. I want to know how you got this number!”

    Me: “Um, well can you tell me who you are and I’ll have a look?”

    Angry Man: “I’m not telling you my name!”

    Me: *realizes* “Is this the number I rang before?”

    Angry Man: “Yes! I used callback to find who you are and I demand to know where you got this number!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have your number. I was trying to call someone else and made a mistake.”

    Angry man: “You’re lying. You can’t dial my number! Tell me where you got it!”

    Me: “I don’t understand. If I can’t dial your number how did I dial it?”

    Angry man: “That’s what I want to know!”

    Me: “Does your phone not receive calls?”

    Angry man: “Of course it does!”

    Me: “Then how couldn’t I dial it?”

    Angry Man: “It’s NOT LISTED!”

    Me: “Ah, I see. That doesn’t mean I can’t dial it. It just means it’s not in the phone book.”

    Angry Man: “Exactly. You’re not allowed to know it, so where did you get it from?”

    Me: “I don’t know how clearly I can say this: I rang your phone by accident. It was a mistake. I do not know your number. It was an error.”

    Angry Man: “I demand to speak to the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    Angry Man: “What is your name?”

    Me: “I already told you; my name is [Name] and this is (company).”

    Angry Man: “I demand to know where you got my number from!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t think I can explain this any clearer. If you would like to make a complaint please call us on our customer service number. You’ll find it listed in the phone book. Goodbye” *hangs up*

    Scary Movies

    | Bloomington, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a semi-regular that’s fairly creepy, but always super chatty. One night, as I’m cleaning the popcorn popper, he comes up to concessions without my noticing. One of my coworkers gets my attention and I go to help him.)

    Semi-Regular: “I was thinkin’ about scarin’ you, but he got your attention before I decided.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t scare easily.”

    Semi-Regular: “Clearly you don’t know me very well.”

    I Don’t Work Here Is Lost In Translation

    | Midlands, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I work in a department store, but am not employed by that company so I can’t handle their furniture or answer questions about it either. To help customers realise there is a difference, I tend to wear coloured clothes as the host store staff can only wear black. I’m currently cleaning a selection of finishes and the customer beckons me over.)

    Customer: “Thank god we found someone. Now, we want something that is full wood. Nothing veneered and nothing of this chipboard rubbish. Do you have any?”

    Me: “My company doesn’t do full wood pieces, only veneers. If you find any of the ladies or gents in black who are in charge of [Host Store]‘s stock, they’ll be able to help you. I’m a rep from a different company so I don’t know their stock.”

    Customer: “No.” *starts to slow her speech down* “Do you have any full wood pieces?”

    Me: “Like I said, I don’t, but if you find one of the ladies or gents in black they may have some.”

    Customer: *slowing down to the pace you’d use to teach babies new words now* “Dooo yoooou haaaave aaaanny fuuuuull woooooood piiiiieeeces?”

    Me: “No. As I’ve said, my company doesn’t but [Host Store] may do.”

    Customer: “You really don’t understand what I’m saying and you sound foreign!”

    Me: “Eigentlich bin ich aus Deutschland, aber ich war in England angehoben. Ich versichere Ihnen, ich verstehe dich, aber ich kann nicht sagen, das Gefühl.” *actually I am from Germany, but I was raised in England. I assure you I understand you, but I can’t say the feeling is mutual*

    (With that the customer storms off and I see her repeating the whole thing again to one of the Host Store people.)

    Silenced Her Cake-Hole

    | Wasilla, AK, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I am in at the customer service desk behind a lady who is attempting to make a return.)

    Customer: “This is false advertising! You’re f****** lying to your customers!”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

    Customer: “THIS!” *slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter* “The label says it’s ‘German Chocolate Cake!’ I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it’s not from Germany at all!”

    (The clerk and I both get the same look of utter disbelief.)

    Clerk: “Erm, yes, ma’am. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.”

    Customer: “Well, how the h*** are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!”

    Clerk: “Do you have your receipt? We normally don’t return food if it’s half-eaten but I’ll see what can be done for you.”

    (The woman shoves her receipt in the clerk’s face and grumbles as the clerk goes off to check with her manager.)

    Customer: “Honestly, can you believe the type of people they employ here?”

    Me: “Yes, I know. It’s quite impressive, isn’t it? I doubt I’d have been that patient if it were me behind the counter.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Well, she’s happily making the effort to circumvent policy for something that is not at all her fault. If that had been me you were yelling at, you’d probably be wearing that cake right now, and have been kicked out of the store for being such a clueless, abusive idiot.”

    (The customer opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn’t think of anything. When the clerk came back, saying she could give the woman a full refund, the customer quietly accepted it and quickly took her leave.)


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