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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Bad Behavior

    If Looks Could Kill

    | Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Health & Body


    (After I’ve taken her order in the drive-thru, the customer leans through the window and grabs my hand.)

    Customer: “Can I give you some advice?”

    Me: “Um…?”

    Customer: “You should use Proactiv. It really works; you don’t have to look like that.”

    Comprehensively Owned

    | AZ, USA | Bad Behavior

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. Can I start by getting your customer number?”

    Customer: *says customer number extremely fast in irate tone*

    Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, I didn’t catch that. Could you say that one more time?”

    Customer: “Um, if you’re going to help me I’m going to need you to comprehend what I’m saying.”

    Me: “Um, if I’m going to help you I’m going to need you to speak at a rate that is comprehensible to human hearing. So one more time; customer number, please?”

    (They were polite after that.)

    Talking Dirt About The ID

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Underaged

    (I wear glasses, but I am nearsighted, which means I can read things up close but not far away. A man with a self-important smile comes to check out.)

    Me: “ID for the alcohol, please.”

    (He hand it to me with a flourish. It is a very dirty driver’s license. I cannot read nor see the picture or information on it because of all the grime.)

    Me: *squinting*

    Man: “You should put on your glasses! Blind as a bat! They’re hanging around your neck!”

    Me: “I am nearsighted; I can see just fine up close. The reason I can’t read this is because it’s VERY dirty!”

    Everyone Else: *stops and stares at the man*

    Man: *hangs head and quietly pays*

    (The man complained later to the manager, saying that I was rude. Luckily, I was there when he called the manager, and I said ‘for telling the truth?’ and he quickly hung up.)

    A Winning Counter-Threat

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (We have a client who frequently calls and threatens to send her father to our firm because her case isn’t resolved, in spite of us telling her repeatedly that she has to wait for the final hearing which has been scheduled. Her father also repeatedly threatens us as well. I’ve finally had enough with this phone call.)

    Client’s Father: “If you don’t file a [name of motion] by TODAY, I’m going to come down there personally, and we’ll see what happens!”

    Me: “Good. I’ve been looking for a reason to call the police.”

    Client’s Father: “What? You can’t do that! Attorney-client privilege!”

    Me: “See, here’s the thing Mr. [Name]: you are NOT the client. Furthermore, I’m the paralegal. I don’t get paid enough to deal with your threats. If I quit, the attorney has no one to deal with your abuse. If you come in and threaten me, I have every right to fear for my safety and take actions to ensure I am safe.”

    Client’s Father: “WHY YOU B****! I’LL TEACH YOU—”

    Me: *interrupting him* “FURTHERMORE, your daughter is in the middle of a custody battle with her ex being represented by one of the loudest attorneys in town. How do you think a criminal charge will affect her case?”

    Client’s Father: “DON’T YOU DARE SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!”

    Me: “Likewise. Show up at the office and I’ll call the police, and you’ll lose your case. If you have a problem, take it up with the attorney. I’m not dealing with you anymore.”

    Client’s Father: “HOW DARE YOU!” *I hang up mid-sentence*

    (He never did come in to threaten me… and he never did complain either!)

    Bad Behavior Is A Vicious Cycle

    | Danbury, CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

    (I’m working in the produce section of my store, which is where the main entrance is. A girl, who is about nine years old, rolls into the store riding her bicycle)

    Me: “Sorry, you can’t ride your bike through the store.”

    Girl: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it’s dangerous. You might run into someone.”

    Girl: “So what?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but the bike has to go outside.”

    Girl: “You can go to Hell!”

    Girl’s Mom: “Haha, kids are funny, right?”

    Me: “…”

    (They took the bike outside after, then came back in and stared me down while shopping.)

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