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    Category: Bad Behavior

    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 6

    | MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Religion

    (I’m not a thin woman, but never considered myself to be HUGE. I have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and it makes it very hard to get my weight to go down, so I’m kind of touchy about it.)

    Customer #1: “Aw, when are you due?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Were you just talking to me?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, when is your baby due?”

    Me: *quietly, so as not to embarrass either of us any further* “I’m not pregnant, miss; I’m just a little large.”

    Customer #1: *quite loudly* “What! That’s not a little large. You’re huge! You look like you could pop at any second!”

    Me: “Um, well, I’m sorry, but I’m not pregnant, and I’d appreciate it if you’d keep your comments to yourself.”

    Customer #1: “It is my duty by God to inform you that you are living an unhealthy lifestyle and gluttony will lead you straight to Hell. What do you weigh? 500lbs!?”

    Me: *now on the verge of tears, as EVERY customer is looking at us* “Ma’am, please keep your voice down. First off, no, I weigh 220lbs. I lead a very active lifestyle. I have a disease that makes it hard for me to lose weight. Please, you’re embarrassing me.”

    (Another customer, who has witnessed the conversation, approaches.)

    Customer #2: “Miss, you need to stop. I can clearly see your upsetting her.”

    Customer #1: “NO! She must learn the dangers of her ways. It’s not too late for her to repent and change. You get down on your knees right now and beg God for forgiveness and you’ll be saved.”

    (At this, she actually pulls a bible from her bag and starts waving it at me.)

    Me: “Ma’am, please just buy your items. You’re upsetting me. Please.”

    Customer #2: “Ma’am, I’m going to call the police if you do not stop this.”

    (I am now crying as the customer is reading furiously from one random passage of the bible almost screaming. She notices I have a bowl of candy on the table next to the register. She picks it up and flings it.)

    Customer #1: “You see! It’s these that cause that! Gluttony! You’ll burn if you don’t repent!”

    Me: “Those are for children! I don’t even like suckers!”

    Customer #2: *tries to take her by the arm and lead her from the store she smacks him in the head with her bible*

    Manager: *comes running from in the back* “What in the world is going on here!?”

    Customer #1: “You allow sinful, gluttonous employees here! She must repent or she’ll burn in Hell! It is my duty to make her see the evil of her ways!”

    (The customer now goes to the door and opens it and starts screaming this outside at everyone who walks by.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, I’ve called the police. You need to leave right now. You’ve upset my employee and injured a customer.”

    Customer #1: “He’s assisting the devil! He’ll burn with the harlot! You’ll all burn!”

    (She rants like this for 10 more minutes before the police arrive and arrest her. The man she hit with the bible had to have dental work done on his front teeth. She was charged with disturbing the peace, harassment, resisting arrest, and assault. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail and a $2,000 fine. My boss gave me a week off with pay.)

    Related:
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 5
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 4
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 3
    Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2
    Cause For Pregnant Pause

    More Thanks-taking Than Thanksgiving

    | Kansas City, Mo, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Holidays, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working in a grocery store meat department on Thanksgiving day stocking the hams and turkeys as fast as I can. I have just announced over the speaker that we have five fresh, unfrozen turkeys left, and we are waiting for the rush of people to get them. When there is only one left, predictably two customers grab for it.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, this is mine. I saw it before you did.”

    Customer #2: “No way! I walked all the way across the store to get it. It’s mine! I’m going home with it.”

    Customer #1: “Why don’t you get a ham or something? I need this turkey for my dinner tonight. You can get something else.”

    Customer #2: “Listen, you fat cow, you can buy the f****** ham. I’m getting this turkey.”

    (At this point I figure I’d better get involved and run over.)

    Me: “Ladies, we do have fresh turkey breasts available as well as hams and ducks. There are even a couple of geese leftover—”

    Customer #2: “F*** you! I’m getting this d*** turkey and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

    (Customer #2 then shoves her cart into the other woman, causing her to fall into the display of stuffing next to her, and runs off with the turkey. Hoping it’s over, I go to help the other customer up, but she slaps my hand, gets to her feet, and tackles the other customer. I call security. Before they can get there I see that Customer #3 has spotted Customer #1′s now abandoned cart and purse. She runs over and dumps Customer #1′s purse into her own and then grabs just about everything out of her cart including a bag of prescription medication, before running off. I shout at her but she disappears into a crowd of people. Customers #1 and #2 are now rolling on the floor in the bread aisle while security is trying to pull them apart. While this goes on, Customer #4 approaches Customer #2′s cart and grabs the turkey and most everything in her cart. Security eventually pulls them apart and they are both arrested. Sadly, Customer #3, who stole Customer #1′s purse, is never caught as the cart was in a blind spot.)

    Selling Foot In Mouth Disease

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bad Behavior

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for some shoes for work and I heard you had comfortable ones.”

    Me: “We certainly do. May I ask what your profession is?”

    Customer: “Oh I don’t have a profession right now. I just need something I can wear to work in retail until I get a real job.”

    Needs A Break(fast)

    , | MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Do you have toast?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We—”

    Customer: *points to greeter* “But SHE said I could have breakfast, so I want breakfast.”

    Me: “Even though it’s lunch time, we serve pancakes, bacon, and oatmeal all day. Would you like—”

    Customer: “You must be NEW because you don’t know ANYTHING!”

    Manager: “We also have some breakfast burritos left if you’d like those.”

    Customer: “Ring me up for PANCAKES, then. Pan… CAKES. She said breakfast. I want breakfast!”

    Me: “Would you like syrup—”

    Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! PANCAKES. I WANT PANCAKES.”

    (Luckily, her pancakes come up pretty quickly, and she yanks the tray out of my manager’s hands.)

    Customer: “SEE? Now you KNOW SOMETHING.”

    Me: *to manager* “I am now aware that we have pancakes. I now have edumacation. I are smart.”

    Manager: “You can leave early if you want…”

    One Is In Sickness, The Other Is in Health

    | France | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I am returning to a patient after we have received a call from his worried wife.)

    Me: “Okay. So, we got your wife on the phone—”

    Patient: “Which one?”

    Me: “Which one what?”

    Patient: “Which wife. I have two at the moment. She didn’t say her name?”

    Me: “… No. She just said she was your wife.”

    Patient: “D***.”

    Me: “…”

    Me: “Well, at least one of your wives is worried about you, sir.”


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