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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Bad Behavior

    Can’t Be Free From Customers Like This

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money

    (I worked at a steakhouse that had a limited time special, clearly marked on banners outside; “Kids eat free on Tuesdays, with the purchase of an adult entree!” Sometimes, it could bring out the worst in people.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I get you started with an appetizer or beer?”

    Customer: *one adult with two kids* “Uh, yes, we would like your ‘kids eat free’ special, please! Both of the kids will have the child’s steak dinner, medium rare, with baked potato, and does it come with soup or salad?”

    Me: “The adult entrees come with soup or salad, so you can share yours with them if you like, or would you like to order an extra for them?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to order anything; I’m not very hungry.”

    Me: “I apologize for the confusion. The ‘kids eat free’ deal is with the purchase of an adult entrée.” *I point to the advert on the table, where it repeats the banner*

    Customer: “This is how you get the customers? You trick us into coming in saying that kids eat free?!”

    Me: “The kids DO get to eat for free. Restaurants would go out of business if they only offered free meals with no purchase required. But with this deal, you save quite a bit! It comes to the equivalent of ‘buy one and get two free.’”

    Customer: “Fine! What is the cheapest adult entree you have? And sodas come with their meals, right?”

    Me: “Yes, they get a child’s souvenir cup with their choice of drink. And the BBQ chicken is our current special for $9.95. It does come with soup, too.”

    Customer: “Child’s cup size? Can we just get it in a larger size so you don’t have to make as many trips?”

    Me: *looking at the three- and four-year-olds* “The adult glasses are fairly large and heavy. For young children we have plastic, non-spill cups.”

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll have that, and more of your free bread, like, two more loaves for now. And I’ll have a water to drink.”

    (When I bring her the sixth refill on both kid’s drinks and her soup, there are crackers on the dish.)

    Customer: “I didn’t order crackers! Take those off my bill!”

    Me: “Ma’am, like the bread, we don’t charge for crackers.”

    Customer: “Really? They are free? In that case, I’d like more, like, a lot more!”

    (The customer continued that way the entire evening. In the end, after running me ragged with countless refills of the “kids” sodas and anything free, she then emptied out the sugar caddy, stole the condiments from the table, and left EXACT change for the bill. When the manager and I watched her pack the kids in her Porsche Cayenne, we noticed her take out of her HUGE purse a ton of water bottles filled with soda and resealable bags full of loaves and crackers. She later called to complain, saying that the meal was unsatisfactory and she would like an additional dinner for three on us.)

    Don’t Hate All Men, Just You

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I answer the phone and the most misogynistic guy I’ve ever talked to states he is on hold for a supervisor. I apologize and say he was misinformed he was holding for one, ask for his account number, and offer to help him.)

    Me: *after a few seconds of silence and no response* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Are you one?”

    Me: “No… This is the same operator you were speaking to. As I explained, I can’t transfer you to a supervisor. If you’d like to speak to one, I’ll need your account number so I can—”

    Caller: “—I’m not giving you my account number. That’s private information. Now, put an adult on the phone.”

    Me: *thinking its going to be one of THOSE calls* “I am an adult, sir. I’m 38.”

    Caller: “Sure you are.” *talking to someone in the background* “I’ve got some man-hating idiot lesbian on the phone who won’t help me. She talks like an ignorant d***.”

    Me: *mouth open in shock* “Sir, if you can’t be professional—”

    Caller: “—Look, I want to speak to a supervisor. I know you must hate men, and I don’t need to take your abuse. If you want to abuse someone go home and abuse your girlfriend.”

    Me: “Sir, there is no need for how you are talking to me. I am trying to assist you. May I please have your account number?” *dead air for about 10 seconds on the line* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I am holding for a supervisor. May I please speak to one?”

    Me: *wishing I could reach through the phone to slap him* “I heard you the first few times you said that, sir, and I still can’t transfer you to—”

    Caller: “—Look, I know you are an ignorant d*** who isn’t capable of doing this job. Be a good girl and transfer me to someone who is an adult and know what they are doing so you can go home, abuse your girlfriend, and look for a job at McDonald’s where you might actually be qualified to work.”

    Me: *struggling hard to remain professional myself* “Sir, if you can’t be professional I will have to end the call. I am trying to assist you. If you want to speak to a supervisor, I need to have your account number so I can issue a call back.” *silence on the line again* “Sir?”

    Caller: “Yes, I’m holding for a supervisor. Did that d*** finally transfer me to one?”

    Me: *finally had it* “Sir, it’s still me and I heard you the first few times you said that. I am not transferring you to a supervisor. If you won’t give me your account number and speak to me politely, I will have to end this call.”

    Caller: “Don’t you talk to me like that, you d*** b****. I’m not giving you my account number so you can steal my info! Put a f****** adult on the phone like a good little lesbian. Don’t know why they hired a r***** like you. You probably are too dumb to work at McDonald’s, too. I want a supervisor. NOW.”

    Me: “I’ve warned you multiple times about how you’re talking to me. You are refusing any assistance I can give you and you are being vulgar. Thank you for calling. Have a nice day. I am disconnecting the call.”

    Caller: “Don’t you dare—”

    Me: *doesn’t let him finish and hits the release button*

    My Little-Minded Brony

    | UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (It’s my day off so I go to the toy shop where I work with my eight-year-old niece. She’s a huge fan of ‘My Little Pony,’ so we’re off looking at toys. Two men are already there, talking about the show. My niece is pretty social, so she tries to strike up a conversation while I eye the display.)

    Niece: “Ooh, you like My Little Pony, too?! Who’s your favourite? I love Fluttershy; she’s so pretty and kind. That’s how I want to be when I grow up.”

    Man #1: “You’re a fan, huh? I guess you’ve got all the merchandise then?”

    Niece: “Merch… an… dise?”

    Man #2: “The toys and stuff. Don’t you have any?”

    Niece: “Oh… yeah! I got some for my birthday!”

    Man #1: “So you probably know the names of all the main characters, then?”

    Niece: *lists characters*

    Man #2: “What about the episode names?”

    Niece: “Um…”

    Man #1: “Don’t you know them?”

    (I’m starting to get quite annoyed.)

    Me: “What are you doing?”

    (They both give me defensive looks.)

    Man #1: “Nothing!”

    Man #2: “We just wanted to know if she’s a real fan or one of those fake geek girls.”

    Man #1: “She can’t even name the episodes.”

    Man #2: “Bet she hasn’t even watched them all.”

    (My niece is starting to get upset, so I lose all patience.)

    Me:” Are you serious? All it takes to be a fan is for someone to like and enjoy something. Where do you get off acting so smug because you know more about a show for little girls than its intended audience?”

    Man #1: “Are you saying men can’t like stuff for girls? That’s sexist!”

    Me: “Sexist?! I’m not the one spewing misogynistic nonsense at a child simply because they can’t pass some pointless memory test. You obviously haven’t learned much, since the TV show is all about friendship and treating people with respect! Now, shove off or grow up!”

    (They storm off. I turn round to see my manager watching me.)

    Me: “Am I fired?”

    Manager: “You’re not in uniform; they don’t know you work here. Besides, if someone talked to my kids like that, I’d knock them out.”

    (My niece cheered up after a while, and I bought her some new ‘merchandise’. I hope those men went home and watched the show again, and maybe took its message to heart this time.)

    Doing A Fat Lot Of Good

    | FL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (I pick up a double to help out a coworker. I have tables: 16 people total and one really annoying guy running me ragged with all sorts of weird requests and what he thinks are ‘cute’ jokes.)

    Annoying Guy: “…and I want them to cook fat and put it on top of my steak.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. I’ll bring it out when it’s ready.”

    (In between then and his food, he demands several other things, as do my other tables, which is obviously making things take a little longer. Finally, his food is out:)

    Annoying Guy: “Oh, you’re here? You were gone so long, I thought you didn’t work here anymore. I lost 10 pounds waiting for you!”

    (I finally lose my composure a bit.)

    Me: “Well, then it’s a good thing you’ve added this fat to your steak!”

    Texan Bull In A China Shop

    | ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I am Canadian; I was born in Canada and have lived here all my life. I don’t look Chinese at all, though my hair is brown. This day a racist customer decided I was Chinese.)

    Customer: “Hey c****! Hurry up; we didn’t let you in this country to laze about!”

    Me: *calmly* “Nice accent. Where are you from?”

    Customer: “Texas. Now, d*** well hurry up! I have places to be!”

    Me: “Well, first off, you’re Texan so you didn’t let me into the country. Second, my mother may have come to Canada 30 years ago, but it was from England where she was born and her great-grandparents were born! Third, my father’s family emigrated to Canada from England in 1926! So, no, I am not Chinese! Now get out of MY country!”

    Customer: “Call your manager! Right now! I’m getting you fired!”

    Manager: *who heard the whole thing, in his best accent* “You need to tell this c**** something, sir?”

    (The customer ran away from my manager: a very annoyed, very big, Chinese man.)

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