November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Bad Behavior

A Little Bird Told Me That This Customer Is An A**

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I work at an animal shelter that only takes dogs and cats. Despite this, a man walks in with a scarlet macaw in what looks like one of those old-fashioned hanging canary cages that is obviously much too small for it.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I don’t want this parrot anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this shelter only takes cats and dogs. We don’t have the necessary provisions to care for exotic birds.”

Man: “What do you mean you don’t take birds? You’ve always taken birds here!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m pretty sure we haven’t. Only cats and dogs.”

Man: “What am I supposed to do with this thing then? I bought it for my daughter’s sixth birthday two months ago but she got bored with it already because it doesn’t talk! All it does is scream!”

(Almost as if by command, the parrot starts screaming. I have to start talking loudly to be heard over it.)

Me: “Well, sir, I actually have a list here of other shelters and rescues in the immediate area, and I can give you the address of a bird rescue that’s a few blocks from here, or if you’d prefer, I know of a vet clinic that accepts animals that their owners can no longer care for. I’m pretty sure they accept birds.”

Man: “I don’t have time for this! I have things to do! I’ll just leave it here and you can take the bird there yourself!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you, sir. You’re going to have to take the bird.”

Man: “So are you saying you aren’t going to take the parrot for me?”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Man: “This is unbelievable!”

(He storms out with the screaming parrot and makes sure to slam the door on the way out. A coworker who was in the back comes out to check on me.)

Coworker: “Did that man just say he bought a parrot for his daughter’s sixth birthday and now they don’t want it just because it doesn’t talk?”

Me: “Yes, he really did.”

Coworker: “Wow. They really need to make it mandatory to take a test to prove you actually know what you’re doing to weed out the idiots before you can get pets.”

Me: “You should have seen the cage it was in, too. There weren’t any toys and it was really small and something tells me that it wasn’t just a travel cage.”

(Nothing much happened after that until about an hour later when an elderly woman came in.)

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “Oh, I would just like to adopt another cat, preferably one that’s a little older.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll gladly help you find the right cat for you.”

Woman: “Also did you know there’s a parrot sitting in a cage outside?”

Me: “There’s what?”

(Sure enough, the man left the parrot sitting outside on the sidewalk, exposed to the cold November air. We brought the bird in and warmed him up and despite having sat out in the cold for an hour, he was perfectly okay. The man had the audacity to come in a week later with his daughter, who acted like a spoiled brat the entire time, and demanded to adopt a puppy, but thankfully when I told my boss who he was, she let us refuse to give them an animal. The story had a happy ending, though. One of my coworkers stopped in to pick up her paycheck and saw us with the parrot and immediately fell in love with him and decided to take him home with her. He got along well with her other parrot and now has a happy home with someone who doesn’t care that he doesn’t talk. She named him Screechy.)

Doesn’t Take Account Of The Line

| RI, USA | Bad Behavior

(I have just got home from college out of state. I have opened an account with a new bank while at college, but want to move my money into an account in my home state with the same bank.)

Teller: “Okay, so you want to open an account here and transfer your savings. Would you please have a seat in our waiting area? Someone will be right with you.”

(I go to sit down. I’m the only one there, so I figure I’m next. Five minutes later, a filthy older man comes in and sits down in a chair nearby, reeking of beer and muttering to himself.)

Man: “D*** b**** better keep her god-d*** mouth shut… Can’t take it… Can’t… F***** b****… Doesn’t respect me… No respect… Never get respect. He better shut his f***** mouth… I’ll kill him… Got enough bullets… I’ll get him… I’ll get that b****… Talkin’ about me… Teach her to keep her d*** mouth shut…”

(He continues to mutter to himself as I remain as still and quiet as I can. An employee walks out to smile at me, having seen me sit down first. The man gets up and instantly walks to her.)

Man: “I need help with my account… It’s busted…”

Employee #1: “Oh… um, okay… Right this way…” *looks to me and mouths ‘sorry!’ as they go into her cubicle*

(Five minutes later…)

Employee #2: “Hey, I’m so sorry about that… He comes in every week and just… Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay. If he honestly believed that he was first in line, I was NOT going to tell him otherwise.”

Employee: *nods, looking scared*

More Likely To Fly With Honey Than Vinegar

| Houston, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Tourists/Travel

(My wife and I are at the airport to fly out on vacation. The weather has gotten bad, and every single flight in has been delayed. We are waiting in line to talk to a ticket agent about when our flight will be in. There’s a businessman in front of us.)

Agent: “I’m sorry, sir, but every flight in the airport is delayed. I can’t get you on anything sooner than two hours from now.”

Businessman: “That’s not acceptable! I’m very important!”

(This goes on for several minutes, and the businessman finally steps away from the agent’s counter in a huff.

My Wife: *stepping up to the agent* “On behalf of ourselves and the entire human population, I’d like to apologize for him!”

Agent: “That’s nice of you to say! Thank you!”

(We get our new flight information for a flight on our original airline. It’s about four hours after our flight was originally scheduled. We walk away from the counter. After about 30 seconds, we are paged back to the counter.)

Agent: “I’ve found you a flight on [Competitor’s Airline]. It leaves in about 1½ hours. Thanks again!”

(Just proves the old adage about catching more flies with honey than vinegar…)

Refuses To Have A Good Day

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Bad Behavior

(I am behind an elderly man who is buying a case of water.)

Cashier: *to elderly man* “That will be $2.99.”

Elderly Man: *sneers* “Well, I’m fresh out of three dollar bills.” *turns to me and gives me a creepy smile*

(He rifles through his wallet all the while searching for the elusive three dollar bill and talking about the non-existent denomination. He finally pulls out a five dollar bill and THROWS it at the cashier, and then turns and gives me another creepy smile. The cashier is very polite.)

Cashier: “Here is your change. Thank you for coming to the store and have a good day.”

Elderly Man: *snarls* “Have a good day? Who are you to tell me that? Why should I have a good day because you told me to?””

Me: “Then go ahead and have an a**-hole day because that is what you’re being.”

Exempt From Reality

| CT, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work at a store that has tax-exempt status, and we welcome people to use theirs if their business is as well. We do require an actual copy of the permit as proof, though.)

Me: “All right, the total is $21.27.”

Customer: “$20. I have tax-exempt.”

(Customer hands me a piece of cardboard with the numbers written on it.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t accept this.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Our finance department requires that we submit a copy of the actual permit with the receipt.”

Customer: “Well, it’s at my store!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “You have to keep yours here. How do you people do it?”

Me: “We make a copy of it.”

Customer: “Well… [Similar Store] accepts this!”

Me: “Every store is run differently. We need an actual copy.”

Customer: “Whatever. Just give me my change. I’ll be back tomorrow with a copy and you can give me my $1.27 back.”

Me: “Uh… I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because me just handing you money from the register is illegal.”

Customer: “I’ll be back tomorrow for my money.”

(The manager walks up after he leaves.)

Manager: “You handled that well.”

Me: “What do you want to do if he comes back?”

Manager: “If he actually shows up, I’ll give it to him… all in pennies.”

(The customer never came back.)