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    Category: Awesome Workers

    Butter(beer) Them Up

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I run the anime club at my school, and we have had to relocate to the coffee shop a couple blocks away.)

    Barista: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Friend: “Hi! I would like to order one large mocha!”

    Barista: “Under what name?”

    Friend: “Hmmm… how about Hermione?”

    Barista: “Okay!”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Barista: “Hermione Granger! Ten points to Gryffindor!”

    Friend: *speechless, then breaks out laughing* “That was the best thing ever!”

    Barista: “I drew a little surprise on the back of the cup!”

    (It was a drawing of Hermione’s cat!)

    Smelly Cat Lady, Smelly Cat Lady, What Are They Feeding You

    | UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (It is a Tuesday late night, which everyone dreads, because of the infamous ‘Cat Lady’. She is a very lovely, quiet, but friendly lady but has one of the least pleasant aromas that I have ever experienced.)

    Manager: *to Cat Lady* “Ma’am, I am just about to close. Please, can you go down to [My Name]’s checkout.”

    (Cat Lady nods and smiles, and goes down my checkout. She places her few items on the conveyer belt and I can already start to smell her as she comes up to me.)

    Me: *under my breath* “Oh my god, [Manager]. I can’t believe you did that!”

    Manager: “Just wait, okay?”

    (Cat Lady is about to reach me. Just as she does, my manager grabs a pot of fresh basil that had been left earlier that day and thrusts it into my face.)

    Manager: “[My Name], smell this basil! It’s such a nice smell!

    Cat Lady: “Wow, it’s so nice that you all appreciate the produce here!”

    The Answer To Their Own Question

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, Food & Drink, Top

    (Today all my customers have been placing the exact same order, so I decide to have fun with the next one who comes in.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! Can I have—”

    Me: “A pound of [Brand] oven roasted turkey? Sliced thin?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.”

    (I slice the turkey for her and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else today?”

    Customer: “Can I also have—”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One pound of [Brand] white American cheese, coming up.”

    (Her eyes go wide but she doesn’t say anything. I look through the cold case but don’t find an open package of the cheese.)

    Me: “Oh, looks like I need to open a new package. One moment, please.”

    (I step out from behind the counter and open up the door on the front of the case to get a new package of cheese.)

    Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know—”

    Me: “That’s okay. Most people don’t know the doors open from the front.”

    (Her eyes get even wider. I try not to snicker as I slice her cheese.)

    Me: “Aaaaand there you go. Will that be all for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What number am I—”

    Me: “42.”

    (She snatches the cheese and runs out the front door at full speed.)

    Coworker: “How did you know what number she was thinking?”

    Me: “Douglas Adams, dude. 42 is always the answer.”

    Coworker: “You’re sick, man.”

    Me: “I knew you’d say that.”

    Retail Access Memory

    | Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Math & Science

    (I have an excellent memory. I work at a tool store and have memorized every model number. When customers walk up to the counter, I type in the numbers and give them the total before they put the items down. )

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    Customer: “How did you do that? You didn’t scan anything.”

    Coworker: “He’s ‘Rain Man.’ He has everything in this store memorized.”

    (The customer grabs a random saw blade from a nearby stack.)

    Customer: “What about this?”

    (I rattle off the price, UPC, and price with tax.)

    Customer: “Ha! That isn’t the model number.”

    Coworker: “Look at the barcode.”

    (The customer reads the 12-digit number, and is dumbfounded.)

    Me: “To be fair those things never scan. It’s one of the UPCs I have memorized.”

    Customer: “So… want to go Vegas?”

    (I’m now a network engineer and shock my coworkers constantly with how I have the entire network’s IP and subnets memorized. I earned the nickname ‘Rain Man’ again.)

    A Happy Mood Beats The Mean And Rude

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

    (At my workplace, I am famous for having a bright smile and cheery voice when speaking to every single customer. Even if it’s been a stressful and long day, I never give up smiling. A regular of mine comes in for her daily coffee and we stop to chat a bit.)

    Regular Customer: “So are you on medicine or something? How do you stay so chipper all the time?”

    Me: “Actually, I choose to act happy towards everyone. No medication required.”

    Regular Customer: “So you are ALWAYS happy, no matter what? That doesn’t sound possible.”

    Me: “Well, there are lots of reasons I keep smiling even if I am not having a great day. I know lots of people just need a sweet smile and some kind words to make a terrible day so much better and I like to think that’s what I do. Also, I learned from one of my psychology classes that the action of smiling releases chemicals in the brain that make you happier because the action of smiling is associated with happiness. Finally, when a customer is so persistent on being rude and mean to me it pisses them off when I continue to smile and be happy. It’s funny when they get upset that they couldn’t make me cry!”

    (The customer is easily thirty years my senior, probably more. She stares at me in awe.)

    Regular Customer: “I want to be like you when I grow up. Have a fantastic day Sunshine!”

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