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    Category: Awesome Workers

    Totally ‘Tanga’

    | Hastings, NE, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Technology

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

    Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

    (The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

    Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

    Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

    Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

    Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

    Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

    (Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)

    Ask A Silly Question…

    | MO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (I am in charge of our text service at the library where I work. We had a patron for a time who delighted in pranking us with odd or silly questions. We generally handle such instances in a very professional manner, but one evening when the patron texted in, I decided it was time to fight back.)

    Patron: “How do I get to the library?”

    Me: “The same way you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.”

    Patron: “Is there any way I can practice watching the live NFL draft in the library?”

    Me: “Nope. So sorry. Try [Local Bar].”

    Patron: “But I have a final test tomorrow.”

    Me: “Then [Local Bar] probably isn’t a great idea.”

    Patron: “Thank you for your generous advice.”

    Me: “Always thrilled to be of service.”

    Patron: “I accidentally whispered on the quiet floor of the library. What are the repercussions?”

    Me: “Death. There is no alternative. But on the bright side, your folks will probably get a hefty life insurance payout.”

    Patron: “Unfortunately no one has yet insured my life. However if you are interested I can arrange for payments.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s very sad. Maybe they don’t love you. You deserve parents who will put a price on your life.”

    Patron: “Touché, library person!”

    Me: *bows; exeunt stage left*

    Talking At-At Cross Purposes

    | Austin, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a chain Italian restaurant. I am often asked questions about the menu, but every now and then a customer asks a question that catches me off guard.)

    Customer #1: “No, it’s definitely an AT-AT!”

    Customer #2: “No, it’s an AT-LT!”

    Customer #1: “Ask our waiter. I bet you his tip.”

    (By this point, I have been overhearing this conversation, and the nerd inside me is intrigued by Star Wars trivia.)

    Me: “Can I help you guys with something?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend here thinks that the robot in star wars that walks on two legs with the little dogs is called the AT-LT. Please tell him it’s an AT-AT?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m sorry but both of you are incorrect; the vehicle you’re thinking of is the AT-ST, which is premiered in the Battle for Hoth, the ice planet, but is actually featured in the Battle of Endor. In fact, that’s what Chewbacca uses to blow the blast doors open for Han Solo and Princess Leia. And the dogs are called Ewoks and they’re native to Endor.”

    Customer #1: “Oh… thanks.”

    (I ended up walking away and since they each bet $20, I actually earned $40. That’s the first time my nerd knowledge actually gained me that much money. May the Force be with you!)

    Your Last (Corn) Meal

    , | NJ, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (A regular bar patron who would drink Irish coffee and run his yap is talking about French fries, when he spots me, the chef.)

    Customer: “Do you put corn meal on your French fries?”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (He later died, and his repass was held in our banquet room. That day, we put corn meal on our French fries.)

    Retort Against Those Who Extort

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Home Improvement, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (My mother is in her 70s, and is shopping at a thrift store when she spots a beautiful bamboo bookcase.)

    Clerk: “Hi. Do you need some help?”

    Mom: “I am interested in the shelf, but have to go home first and do some measuring.”

    Clerk: “No problem; I’ll make sure it’s still here when you get back.”

    (After getting home, measuring, and seeing it will fit, she calls me to ask if I can go with her to pick it up if it was still there. We get to the store, where she walks over to the bookshelf and shows me. About a second later, a customer immediately walks up to us.)

    Customer: “I’m actually buying this shelf… but how much would you be willing to give me NOT to buy this?”

    (My mom and I looked at each other in disbelief, and before I can even think of what to say to this idiot, the clerk from earlier immediately steps in:)

    Clerk: “Sorry, sir. This lady was here earlier and was going to buy it, but she had to run home and take measurements first.”.

    Customer: “Well, that’s not fair. I was just ready to buy this!”

    Clerk: “Sorry. She gets first pick.”

    Mom: *looking at the customer with a big grin* “And I decided I’ll take it.”

    Clerk: *with an even bigger grin* “Let me go ahead and ring you up, and you also get a senior discount!”

    (We spent the next few minutes cashing out while the customer just stood there and stared at us the whole time, and then stood out in the parking lot and kept staring at us (with a butt-hurt look) while I loaded it on the car, pausing here and there to give him a big ‘f*** you’ grin. Thank you, awesome clerk, for putting that a**-hole in his place for trying to extort money from the elderly!)

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