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    Category: Awesome Workers

    Karma Klubbing

    | Dundee, Scotland, UK | Awesome Workers, Top

    (I am waiting in the queue with a friend. We notice a group of girls pushing from the back of the queue past everyone, whilst loudly proclaiming that they are on the guest list. My friend and I decide to form a wall and stop them getting past us.)

    Girl: “Move, we are on the guest list.”

    Me: “Guest list closed at 11 pm.”

    Girl: “But we have queue jump!”

    Me: “No, you don’t.”

    (I turn around and ignore them until we reach the bouncers at the front. By now the girls are loud and aggressive, my friend has been punched.)

    Girl: *to bouncer* “These guys aren’t letting us past! We have guest list!”

    Bouncer: “Calm down, you can’t just push in.”

    Girl: “We didn’t start pushing; these d***s aren’t letting us past.”

    Bouncer: “It’s a queue. Why would they?”

    Girl: “Because we f***ing told them we have queue jump!”

    Bouncer: “Aw! Why didn’t you tell us that? Come forward.” *cue big smiles from girls* “Now jump your a**es to the back of the queue.”

    Gotta Catch Them All Ages

    | Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Geeks Rule

    (I am at a game store to get a case for my new DSi I got for Christmas a few days ago. I see the case I want, but I’m too short to get it.)

    Employee: *reaches up and gets it for me* “Here you go, little lady.”

    Customer: “That for your kid, girl? You should be ashamed, having one at your age!”

    Employee: “Dude, she’s in here all the time, it’s for her. Now, [my name] need anything else?”

    Me: “I think I’ll look at the used games.”

    Customer: “Just a poor, single mother. Should be ashamed.”

    Cashier: “Sir, please stop harassing her.”

    Me: “Are the pre-orders for the new Pokèmon game out yet?”

    Employee: “Nope, not until—”

    Customer: “She must be a mother! What teenager plays Pokèmon?”

    Cashier: “Well, I’m thirty two and I play.”

    Employee: “Twenty-eight. Love Heart Gold and Soul Silver.”

    Me: “Twenty. I also play Epic Mickey. With my father. Who is right outside.”

    (I gesture out the window. My dad isn’t very strong, but he looks it, and is rather tall.)

    Customer: *leaves, embarassed*

    Cashier: “So, how did you like [game I bought in the summer] when you were abroad?”

    Me: “Epic. Thanks, guys.”

    Cashier: “You’re a regular, [my name]. Oh, hey, [employee] did you show her the new controller?”

    (It ended up being a good trip!)

    Admitting Defeat Was An Easy Thing Touché

    | Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (The owner of the bookstore where I work is very old and walks with a cane. Despite this, he always wanders the shelves and helps out patrons. Behind the counter, in a glass case, he keeps an assortment of trophies and medals he won in his youth. One night, someone decides to try to steal them.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry, but you can’t be behind the counter.”

    Robber: *smashing the glass* “F*** you, old man! Just stay away and don’t do anything stupid!”

    (The robber sweeps the medals into his backpack and then tries to open the till.)

    Owner: “Stop that, young man! You’re making a terrible mistake!”

    Robber: *waves a large knife* “Yeah, well so are you! Back off! How do you open this f***ing thing?”"

    Owner: “Take a look at all those medals.”

    Robber: “What? Just open the f***ing cash register!”

    Owner: *very calmly* “Just take a look.”

    Robber: *confused* “Uh, okay. Yeah, they’re gold. That’s why I took them, you a**hole. Gold fencing, gold fencing, silver fencing…”

    (The owner gracefully draws the sword from his sword-cane.)

    Robber: “Oh, please! Try that stuff in a real fight and you’ll just get kill—”

    (With a flick of his weapon, the owner removes the robber’s glasses.)

    Robber: *drops the knife* “Don’t hurt me!” *drops to his knees*

    (I had called the police as soon as the knife came out. They arrive and identify the robber as a serial burglar who had stabbed a previous victim. Years later, at the owner’s retirement party, he recounts the story.)

    Owner: “You know, hearing that story makes me think of two things. One, I wish a fencing judge had been there so I could have gotten the gold for that bout, and two, I missed the only time in my life when I could have asked someone if they called that a knife.”

    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3

    | USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small snack bar in a sports center. We have just hired a new cook who is of Asian descent. I am on light duty, as I’d sprained my ankle the day before and the new guy stayed after he was scheduled to help. One of my regulars walks in, and when he sees the cooks he turns towards me with a disgusted look on his face.)

    Customer: “What’s this? Since when did you guys start hiring [racial slur]?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Who is this [racial slur] they’ve got in the kitchen now? You gonna start serving egg rolls or something?”

    Me: “Okay, number one, [coworker] is Vietnamese, not a [racial slur]. Not that it matters, because number two, he was born here, so therefore he’s an American. And number 3, I wish we would start selling egg rolls because [coworker] makes the best d*** egg rolls I’ve ever tasted. Now you can go buy your drink from one of the machines because your money isn’t welcome in here today.”

    (The customer stands there with his mouth open in shock for a minute before he turns on his heels and walks out. My coworker walks out as he is leaving.)

    Coworker: “Oh wow, what was his problem?”

    Me: “He’s just mad because I refused to serve him any egg rolls.”

    (Thankfully, the customer later approached my coworker and apologized.)

    Related:
    So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
    So Pho, So Crazy

    I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

    Cashier: “Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?”

    Drunk teen: “No, I don’t. Why?”

    Cashier: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please.”

    Drunk teen: “What, just because I have no ID?”

    Cashier: “Among other things, yes. You can’t prove you’re 18, and you’re clearly drunk, which means you’re not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don’t be difficult; just leave.”

    (The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

    Drunk teen: “Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I’ll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!” *flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

    (The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he’s behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

    Cashier: *very calmly* “No, you won’t. Now you’re becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You’d better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you’ll regret later.”

    Drunk teen: “F*** you! I’m gonna bash you man! I’m gonna beat your face!”

    Cashier: *cracks up laughing* “Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point.” *takes a step outside the shop* “Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse.”

    (At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that’s he’s in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

    Drunk teen: “Uh… uh… I’m… I’m gonna hurt you man!”

    Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* “No. You’re going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you’re going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you’re going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God.”

    (The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

    Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing Bale-Batman voice* “Get the f*** out of here. Now!”

    (The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

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