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    Category: Awesome Workers

    A Sound Driver Is Music To My Ears

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Workers, Musical Mayhem, Top, Transportation

    (I am a passenger on the train heading home from a long day at school, keeping to myself as it is nearly midnight. A teenager is listening to very obnoxiously loud music. We come to our first stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to where the teenager is sitting* “Would you mind turning down your music? You’re disturbing everyone.”

    (The teenager laughs and ignores him. The driver glares at him, the teenager only turns it down until the train leaves again. We come to our second stop.)

    Driver: *comes back to the teenager* “Turn down your music. You’re disturbing everyone.”

    Teenager: “No, I’m not! Everyone likes music!”

    (The driver looks around to everyone on the train.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants to listen to this jacka**’s music.”

    (Silence.)

    Driver: “Hands up everyone who wants the jacka** to turn off his music so they can get home in peace.”

    (All hands go up.)

    Driver: “If I come back again, you’re off the train.”

    Teenager: *glares at everyone around the train and gets off on the next stop*

    Got The Fraud On The Phoney

    | CA, USA | Awesome Workers, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work at a call center for an online store. My job includes fraud prevention. If a caller dials in to place an order that seems out of place, I let my manager know. This is one of those times.)

    Me: “So, I’ve got a customer on the line here that uh… placed an order for a really expensive product. Expedited shipping. They want a tracking number for it. I’m not liking this.”

    Manager: “Do the billing and shipping match?”

    Me: “Nope. Completely different states, too.”

    Manager: “Hmm… did they order anything before?”

    Me: “Oh, yeah! They placed [order].”

    (After a few minutes of silent research…)

    Manager: *smiling* “Transfer them to me.”

    Me: “Okay?”

    (He puts it on speaker.)

    Manager: “Thank you for holding, this is [name], manager in charge. How can I help you?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah, I’m pretty mad at you guys right now. Been waitin’ for twenty godd*** minutes for a single trackin’ number! The last associate that talked to me is an incompetent b****!”

    Manager: “Oh, well I’m sorry to hear about that, sir. You mentioned that you were looking for a tracking number, is that right?”

    Fraudster: “Yeah! And while you’re at it just fire the last b**** I spoke to! She’s f***ing useless as h***!”

    Manager: “It’s going to be a few moments while I pull up the number. But how’re you doing?”

    Fraudster: “Well… now I’m doing good. You know what you’re doing, unlike that—”

    Manager: “That’s good to hear. Glad you’re not feeling guilty or anything.”

    Fraudster: “…For…what?”

    Manager: “For the fraud orders you’ve been placing on our website.”

    Fraudster: “Uh…”

    Manager: “I’ll be honest with you: I know what you’re doing. I’ve known for a couple of weeks now. So, tell me, how many cards have you stolen?”

    Fraudster: *scared* “Ju-just two—”

    Manager: “Hmm, okay. Well, I work pretty close with [other state's police department]. So, I’m gonna give you two choices. You can either turn yourself in like the good guy I’m sure you are. Or you can just sit there while I have them down there in a few hours, embarrassing you and your family.”

    Fraudster: “O-oh God. L-look, I—”

    Manager: “I’ve got them on speed dial.”

    Fraudster: “I’ll turn myself in!”

    Manager: *extremely cheerful* “Oh good. Now, what time should they expect you so I can let them know?”

    Fraudster: “T-ten o’clock in the mornin’.”

    Manager: “They’ll be waiting. Have yourself a good day, sir.”

    (And yes, he did turn himself in!)

    Couples Therapy

    | MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

    (There was recently a vote in Minnesota whether or not to change the constitution to make same-sex marriage illegal. Voting ‘Yes’ would be for making it illegal, and vice versa for ‘No’. It should also be noted that there is already a law in place prohibiting same-sex marriage. I’m wiping tables at coffee shop. It’s been pretty slow, and I see two young women obviously in a relationship. They order their drinks, and then sit down. A young man of around 20 is sitting a little ways from them, wearing a heavy jacket. I’ve noticed several looks pass back and forth between them, until finally, one of the young women walks over to him.)

    Young Woman #1: *to the young man* “Would you please mind your own business?”

    Young Man: “I’m sorry?”

    Young Woman #1: “You’ve been glaring at us for the better part of five minutes. Is there something you’d like to say?”

    Young Man: “Oh… look, I’m sorry. It’s just that I saw you two there, and—”

    Young Woman #1: “And what? You thought I wouldn’t notice you being passive aggressive over here?”

    Young Man: “Please, I’m sorry.”

    (The young woman bends down and jostles the table, causing the young man to flinch back, shifting his jacket slightly. She smiles sweetly.)

    Young Woman #1: “See, that wasn’t so…”

    (She trails off because of what she sees: beneath the young man’s now-open jacket is a bright blue ‘VOTE NO’ t-shirt. She stands slack-jawed for a moment.)

    Young Woman #1: “I… uh…”

    Young Man: *looks down* “Oh, um, I guess that would’ve helped.”

    (The young woman stutters a few more times, then rushes back to her seat. Eventually, she comes back to apologize to the poor guy.)

    Young Woman #1: “I’m sorry about that. My girlfriend just came out to her family, and they aren’t taking it well.”

    Young Man: “It’s okay. I’ve just been through a nasty breakup myself, and seeing the two of you so happy together was pretty tough for me.”

    (After hearing this, I talk to my manager, and he lets me purchase two $25 gift cards with my employee discount, which I give to both parties. All three seemed to leave as friends.)

    Best Not To Exchange With Haters

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m a manager. I am ringing up a woman I have sold things to before. We are making small talk as I ring her up. Note: I’m a lesbian.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe the president came out in support for gay marriage!”

    Me: “I know; kind of unbelievable!”

    Customer: “That f** lover is going to burn in hell for that!”

    Me: *biting my tongue* “Okay.”

    (I finish ringing her up and hand the customer her bags.)

    Customer: “They should round up all the gays and put them down.”

    Me: “That would be bad for me, seeing as I am a lesbian.”

    (The woman turns pale and walks out without saying a word. A few hours later, I get a call from the manager of another one of our stores. On the line, I can hear the same customer I previously sold items to ranting.)

    Manager: *also a woman* “So, this woman is here wanting to exchange a bunch of stuff from your store. When I asked her what was wrong with the items, she said you tainted them; I have no idea what she is talking about. Could you maybe clear this up for me?”

    Me: “Well, I bet it is because she found out I was gay.”

    Manager: “I see.” *starts talking in sultry voice* “Well, I’ll see you tonight for our date. You should put on that that black lace bra and panty set I got you for your birthday! I love you!” *hangs up*

    (I am very confused, seeing as I have never dated that manager, nor did she ever get me underwear, and as far as I know, she is not gay. Fast forward a few days later to the manager weekly conference call: apparently, the customer left the other store after thinking the other manager was also gay. That manager then called every other store in the area and told everyone about the customer. Over the next few days, the customer went to every store in a 20 mile radius trying to exchange the ‘tainted goods’. Everyone she talked to pretended to be gay when working with her and she left every time. To my knowledge, she never got her exchange.)

    Hail To The Bus Driver

    | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Awesome Workers, Top, Transportation

    (I am walking home after work during a rather unpleasant snow storm. Not expecting a snowstorm today, I am wearing a t-shirt and shorts. About 10 minutes into my 40 minute walk, a ‘not in service’ public bus pulls up and stops next to me.)

    Driver: “Hey! Where are you headed?”

    (I tell him the street I live on.)

    Driver: “Not that far from out of my way. Hop on!”

    Me: “Really? Thanks!”

    (The bus driver then proceeded to drive right to my street and let me off, telling me to ‘keep warm’! People like him are awesome.)

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