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    Category: Awesome Workers

    A Gruel-ing Customer

    | MD, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks up. I’ve been working the registers for awhile.)

    Customer: “I never got my soup.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of soup?”

    Customer: “The vegetable—he called for it!”

    (I recognize the customer from just a few minutes ago. I pull up her order on the register just to confirm if she had paid for it, which she did not.)

    Me: “All right, would you like to pay for it separately or—”

    Customer: “I already paid.”

    Me: “Well, actually ma’am, I rang you up, and you never said you had soup so I didn’t ring you up for it.”

    Customer: “I did; I said I got the combo!”

    Me: “Well, my apologies; did you want to pay for it on the—”

    Customer: “I don’t have any cash; I only have my card. I can’t pay for it!”

    (I pause because that doesn’t make any sense. However, I decide to let her have the soup for free.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, don’t—”

    Customer: “Just keep it. I can’t pay for it!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, if you hadn’t interrupted me, I was about to say ‘Don’t worry about it, you can have it for free.’”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    (She takes it and hurries away. She didn’t even say thank you.)

    A Good Idea On Paper

    | State College, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I have the opening shift at a well-known steak chain. It’s a weekday and typically pretty slow to start off. I get my first table: an older man and his grandson. I leave to get their drink orders, and come back to see the boy wearing origami boots on his fingers made out of $1 bills.)

    Me: “That’s some pretty fly kicks you got there. Did you make them yourself?”

    Boy: “My pap just made them for me! We’re learning about origami in art class, and he showed me how to make shoes so I can impress my teacher.”

    Man: “Don’t expect her to just hand out dollar bills so you can show everyone.” *chuckles*

    Boy: “Pap, show me another!”

    Man: “That’s the only one I know.”

    Me: “That’s a pretty neat trick! I need to learn how to do that when I give people their change. Hey, I know how to make a paper frog; want me to show you? It hops and everything. We used to race note card frogs in middle school.”

    (The boy gets wide-eyed and nods his head yes.)

    Man: “A frog you say? Let’s see it!”

    (The man pulls out another dollar from his wallet. I fashion it into a frog. It hops just enough to make the boy get really excited.)

    Boy: “No way! How did you do that?”

    (They are still my only table at this point, so I take the time to sit down, and teach the boy how to do that, who thinks it’s the coolest thing. They finish up their meals, pay their check, and leave the restaurant. I notice they tip me very well on their card. However, when I get back to clean up their table, there are 10 little boots sitting by the man’s plate made from various dollar bills along with a note.)

    Note: “We thought you needed some fly kicks, so here’s one for each finger.”

    (I unravel the bills to discover an additional $36. It was a great start to my shift!)

    Paging Insecurity

    | Oakland County, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this pharmacy store late at night. As I walk up to the counter, a male customer is loudly complaining to a male cashier about ‘the gays.’ Being a lesbian, I’m gathering up the courage to say something when the following happens.)

    Male Customer: “The gays keep trying to turn everyone!”

    Male Cashier: “It must be rough.”

    Male Customer: “How do you mean?”

    Male Cashier: “I have a handful of gay friends, and no matter how much time I’ve spent with them, I’ve never wanted to have sex with other dudes. I’m just saying it must be rough to have such a tenuous hold on your sexuality that you’re always worried about being turned by the slightest contact. I feel for you.”

    (It takes a moment, but the male customer realizes what the male cashier is saying.)

    Male Customer: “…Hey, f*** you, buddy!”

    Male Cashier: “You want to f*** me? Oh god, it’s happening now! There must be a gay in the store! Run!”

    Customer: *screaming* “Go to h***!”

    (The customer then runs out of the store. As I put my stuff up on the counter, the manager runs up from one of the aisles.)

    Manager: “What the h*** was that?”

    Cashier: “Oh, I’m probably just getting a customer complaint in the morning. Totally worth it… I’ll explain later.” *to me* “Sorry about all that. How are you tonight?”

    Me: “If I was straight, I would totally be giving you my number right now.”

    He Can Light Up The Sky(rim)

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Geeks Rule

    (I work in a small comic shop. Our bathroom lights don’t work quite right. Once you flip on the switch, they do light up, about five seconds later.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, the lights in your bathroom don’t work. I think it’s a dead bulb.”

    Me: “Oh, no, they work. You just need to—”

    Customer: “No, they don’t! Come with me, let me show you!”

    (The customer leads me to the bathrooms, I follow. He flips the switch on and off a few times, leaving it in the off position.)

    Customer: “See? Can you give maintenance a call or something?”

    Me: “Hold on, I can fix this…”

    (As I take a step into the bathroom, I flick the switch on behind me, then count out the time it takes for the lights to power up. Just as the lights power on, I shout…)

    Me: “STRUN BAH QO!”

    (For those that don’t know, that’s ‘Storm Call’ in Skyrim.)

    Customer: “T-The Dragonborn…”

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Powers

    | Queens, NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m half-Chinese, but with my sunglasses on, people usually can’t tell. I’m fluent in Mandarin. One day I get a text from my friend, a grade-school teacher.)

    Friend: “You speak Chinese, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Friend: “Come down to [intersection] around noon and explain what the f*** is going on.”

    (At my lunch break I head down there. On one side of the street is a crowd of school kids, while on the other side an elderly Chinese man with an ice cream cart.)

    Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

    Kid #2: “No way.”

    Kid #1: “Yeah way. I’m fast enough!”

    Kid #2: “You’re not Chinese.”

    Kid #1: “So?”

    Kid #2: “Only [Chinese name] can do it.”

    Kid #1: “I’m gonna do it.”

    (Kid #1 dashes across the street, yanks back the cover of the cart, and grabs a handful of ice cream. He takes off, but the vendor catches him, pinning both arms behind his back.)

    Vendor: “Ah, three bars? Your total is $9.28.”

    Kid #1: “Lemme go!”

    (The vendor removes some money from the kid’s pocket with his free hand.)

    Vendor: “Cash paid is $20.”

    Kid #1: “Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.”

    (While still holding the struggling kid, the vendor deposits the $20 in his till and takes out change.)

    Vendor: “Your change is $10.72.”

    (The vendor puts the change and ice creams in a bag and hands them to the kid, who takes off.)

    Vendor: “Have a nice day!”

    Kid #2: “Told you.”

    Kid #1: “Fine! Okay, [Chinese name], you do it!”

    (A short Chinese boy steps forward. His clothes are patched and despite the weather, he’s not wearing a coat.)

    Chinese Kid: “Let us meditate… on the way of the wind.”

    (He strikes a ridiculous pose and exhales loudly. The other kids jump back.)

    Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the snake…”

    (New pose, hissing loudly. The others back away even more.)

    Chinese Kid: “…on the way of the hawk.”

    (He flaps his arms and jumps in a circle. The kids are a good twenty feet away now.)

    Chinese Kid: “The meditation is done.”

    (He runs up to the ice cream vendor and grabs a handful of bars. The vendor strikes him with an exaggerated karate chop which the kid easily blocks.)

    Chinese kid: *flees, speaking Chinese* “Thank you, Mr. [Name]!”

    Vendor: *shakes his fist angrily, also in Chinese* “Sorry, we are out of lime today!”

    (The Chinese kid kicks towards the vendor from across the street.)

    Chinese kid: “My mother says she hopes your leg feels better!”

    Vendor: *red-faced with rage* “It does! Tell her thank you for the tea!”

    (The kids are enthralled. As they eat the ice cream, I approach the vendor.)

    Me: *in Chinese* “What just happened?”

    Vendor: “Oh… you understood. That little boy is a new immigrant, and all the other children mocked him because he is small and weak. He told them Chinese people have special powers, and they beat him up and told him to prove it. But I overheard and whispered to him to rob me. Now we have a deal.”

    Me: “How wonderful!” *pointing behind him* “Hey, can you tell what that is?”

    (As he turns around, I drop some money on the cart and grab a bar of ice cream, fleeing.)

    Vendor: “You forgot your change!”

    Me: *shakes my fist* “It’s a tip!”

    Kids: “Whoa! How did you do that?”

    (I slip off my sunglasses. The Chinese kid bows to me and I bow back.)

    Kid #2: “Told you they have special powers. Never bully a Chinese kid, man. Never!”

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