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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Welcome To Hell 2.0

    | NC, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology

    (A customer calls in to fix a strange glitch with his software. After going through about fifteen minutes’ worth of all the usual troubleshooting steps, the issue still hasn’t been fixed. I’m baffled, until I remember I missed a somewhat obvious step.)

    Me: “Oh! You know, there’s one other thing we can check. Have you run a software update recently? If the program’s a bit out of date, that might be what’s causing the glitch.”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m pretty sure it’s all up-to-date, but let me check.”

    (He checks. Sure enough, there’s an update waiting. It takes about two minutes to install, and then the software works fine.)

    Caller: “I really should have checked that before I called, huh?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I should have asked you about it first thing. That one was all on me!”

    Caller: *laughs* “Ah, well, I guess we’re both going to Hell!”

    Me: *laughing with him* “Hey, at least we’ll be in good company!”

    Caller: “Oh, sure! I’ll see you across a lake of fire and go, ‘Oh, hey, it’s that tech support girl… Well, I know why she’s here!’”

    Need To Wake Up Then Make Up

    | NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Hotels & Lodging

    (I’m a 20-year-old female working the graveyard shift at the hotel. Two rather intoxicated men come in around 1 am. They are about 50 and 60 years old and they are around the little gift shop that we have near the front desk.)

    Older Gentleman: “Man, I don’t know what I want, but I’m hungry.”

    Me: “Not a problem.”

    (I show him the frozen meals and such that we have.)

    Older Gentleman: “Thanks. Can I get a wake up call at 6:30 in the morning?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    Younger Gentleman: “That’s bulls***. We have to be out of here by six in the morning.”

    Older Gentleman: “You can leave at six. I ain’t getting up till 6:30.”

    (The younger gentleman walks into the store, grabs a box of tampons, and hands it to the older gentleman.)

    Younger Gentleman: “Here. Take two of these now and if you are still acting like a little b**** in the morning call me.”

    Older Gentleman: *laughs and throws the tampons back at him*

    Younger Gentleman: *to me* “Set this drunkard’s wake up call for 5:45, 6:00, and 6:15.”

    Older Gentleman: *to me* “Yeah, whatever the little b**** boss says is fine. He’s my ride to the site.”

    (They are both laughing as they walk away to their rooms after purchasing some food and drinks. The whole time I was trying not to laugh as I was dealing with them. Later, just before I go home, they both come down to talk to me.)

    Older Gentleman: “I’m sorry about last night.  I’m hung over but wanted to apologize for possibly offending you.”

    Me: “That’s okay. I thought it was funny. Made my night to see you two acting like that.”

    (I hadn’t laughed that hard at work in a long time so I took pity on them both and gave them some painkillers for their hangovers before they had to go to work.)

    Their Service Is Undead

    , | San Antonio, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Technology

    (The customer is calling us to let her know her services are out.)

    Me: “Aha. It looks like the network box for the house just lost contact with us. There isn’t anything in its logs showing us the power went out, so I think we should be all right.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. What causes that, anyway?”

    Me: “It could be any number of things. Short-term loss of power, the box gets a quick enough surge of power to confuse it—”

    Caller: “Aliens?”

    Me: “I’m not ruling that out either. That reminds me. I need to pick up some foil on the way home. Thanks.”

    (The caller and everyone on her end of the call burst out laughing at that. We continue on, and we’re setting the ticket up.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve got the green light to send the tech out tomorrow morning.”

    Caller: “Hang on a second. I’ll put my friend on. She’ll be here tomorrow to meet the tech.”

    (The caller puts her friend on the line. I get her contact info and add it to the ticket.)

    Me: “Are there any access restrictions like dogs on the property, a locked fence, anything like that?”

    Friend: “I think there might be zombies in the yard. Is that going to be a problem? I think she’s also got a vampire stalking her that might be in her yard.”

    Me: “Don’t worry. Our techs have everything they need on their truck to handle anything. About the vampires: they should have some stakes and garlic on the truck, unless it’s a Twilight-type vampire in which case they have whiskey and a Motorhead CD just in case.”

    (The caller and her friend start laughing even harder. I submit the appointment.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I want to thank you both for choosing [Provider]. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow. On a side note, this call just made my night. Thanks, you two.”

    Doing Them A Flavor Favor

    , | Ireland | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I work as a waitress and am waiting on a table of a really nice family with three kids. It is an unusually hot day and each of the children has one of those really tall, exaggerated slushies with in-built straws.)

    Me: “Where did you get those slushies? They look pretty cool!”

    Father: “Oh, just next door.”

    Me: “Oh, I didn’t realize they sold them. I’ll have to get one next time I’m in. It’s been so hot recently.”

    Father: “What’s your favourite flavour?”

    Me: “I don’t know. All of them, I guess! So, are you guys ready to order?”

    (I proceed to take their order. Their food is served and they have their meal, pay, and leave with no hassle or problems and nice chit chat all the way through. They’ve left after their meal for about 20 minutes when the father enters back in. I’m behind the bar at this point.)

    Father: “Hey, I got you this. It is really hot today!” *hands me one of the slushies, with all the flavours mixed together*

    Me: “Oh, thank you!”

    (He smiled and walked out again. It made my day! Sometimes, the customer is the good guy!)

    Sends You A Kiss By Wire

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, Musical Mayhem

    (No way around it, no way to glamour it up: I am a telemarketer. I have to call a customer about an insurance offer. It takes a few seconds for us to be able to hear them when they answer.)

    Me: “He—”

    Customer:HELLO, MY BABY! HELLO, MY HONEY! HELLO, MY RAGTIME GAL!

    (I am stunned as she sings the whole song!)

    Customer: “Sorry about that. Been getting calls all day. Told myself and my mother that the next caller is being sung to.”

    (I was stunned for a few more seconds, then I burst out laughing. I laughed so hard it hurt! I had to end the call and then take a 10-minute break to calm down.)

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