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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

    No Pranks, Just Thanks

    | Eugene, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.)

    Boy: “Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I’m thankful… I’m thankful for… I’m thankful for my friends at school!”

    Caretaker: “You’re thankful for your friends at school?”

    Boy: “Yeah! Yeah and… and… what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?”

    Caretaker: *no response*

    Boy: “Are you thankful for me?”

    Caretaker: “I’m thankful for you, kid. I’m more thankful for you than all my friends in the world.”

    Boy: *smiles*

    Learning By Example

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top

    Coworker: “Whoops, looks like there’s a 30 cent late fee on here for [movie]. It was returned a day late, so your total will be $6.25.”

    Customer: “What?! That’s impossible! I returned it the day after I rented it!”

    Coworker: “Well, it was a seven day rental, and it shows here that you returned it a day late at 6:13 pm.”

    (The customer continues to argue very loudly with my coworker, yelling out things like, “Do you know who I am?!” However, I tune it out because a regular customer comes up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, Mr ***!”

    Regular: “Hey ***, love the hair. What’s the damage?”

    Me: “Oh boy, $43.76 in late fees? Where did you go this time?”

    (The regular leans way over into the other customer’s face and speaks loudly.)

    Regular: “$43.76 in late fees, you say? Here is my debit card, miss!”

    (He pulls his debit card out of his wallet with a big flourish.)

    Regular: “Boy, I should learn to return my movies on time, which is clearly not the fault of this establishment!”

    (The other customer shuts up, quickly pays, and leaves.)

    Me: “You’re my favorite.”

    Regular: “I know.”

    (We waived half his fees and gave him a free rental.)

    Best Customer (And Most Expensive Envelopes) Ever

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Service Provider's] Financial Services Department. May I have your mobile number please?”

    Caller: “I am calling to complain that I have not been receiving payment return envelopes with my statements each month.”

    Me: “No problem, sir. Let me get your mobile number so I can pull up your account and see what’s going on.”

    Caller: *gives account number*

    Me: “Ok, just give me a minute to look through the account and see what’s going on.”

    (Looking through his payment history, I notice he’s been paying $60 a month for a $20 a month plan for nearly two years. As a result, he has over $1,000 in credit on his account.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, thanks for holding. It looks like the reason we haven’t been sending you envelopes is because you haven’t owed us any money for the past two years or so.”

    Caller: “But I’ve been using the service! How do I not owe you any money?”

    Me: “Well, your bill is only about 20 dollars a month and you’ve been consistently overpaying each month.”

    Caller: “Yes, I know! I have money, now and what if one day I don’t? I want to be able to have my cell phone! I NEED envelopes! Can you send me some right away?”

    Me: “Sir, basically you could not pay your cell phone bill for about the next several years and not have to worry about it. Why not let some of that balance wear down? You’ve really been paying way too much!”

    Caller: “But I need more envelopes! I don’t know why you can’t just send me some!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s all done in a warehouse. We don’t actually have stacks of letters laying around our office. Since the company isn’t sending you envelopes, why not just go purchase some from a store?”

    Caller: “No, I can’t do that!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take care of this for you…”

    (I end the call, hunt down a few generic non-labeled envelopes from the supply cabinet, and mail them to the customer. I check back on his account a few days later and he had called in to thank us for sending him the envelopes!)

    He Fought The Law, And The Law Won

    | Concord, CA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (A man has been causing a ruckus at the registers for ten minutes and a line had formed behind him.)

    Man: “I’m a lawyer and I know my rights! If you don’t take this return I’m going to sue the living s*** out of you.”

    (A woman in a professional-looking business suit steps up to the register. In a cool professional voice, she asks to see the receipt that the man is waving. After a moment’s inspection, she gives him a hard stare over the rim of her glasses.)

    Woman: “Sir, the store’s return policy is clearly printed on your receipt. They cannot take back opened CDs.”

    Man: “But–”

    Woman: “FURTHERMORE, by purchasing from this store, you are accepting the store’s return policy as a signed contract that you agreed to abide by.”

    Man: “I–”

    Woman: “IN ADDITION, by blatantly trying to circumvent this contract signed by you, no judge would rule in your favor.”

    Man: “But I–”

    Woman: “If you really were a lawyer, you would be fully aware of this fact. By claiming to be a lawyer when you are clearly NOT, you are committing an act of fraud, which can get you arrested.”

    (The man turns white and flees the store without another peep.)

    Woman: “I’ve had eight years’ experience working behind the registers, dealing with people like him. MAN, that felt GOOD!”

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