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    Category: Awesome Customers

    BOGO: Buy One Give One

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

    (I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

    (Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

    Can I Show You My Social Insecurity Card

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top

    (A customer is about to buy an M-rated game, which can only be purchased by people over the age of 17. My store is really strict about checking ID.)

    Me: “And may I see some ID, please?”

    Customer: “Why? What for?”

    Me: “Because this is an M-rated game, and I am required to ask for ID.”

    Customer: “Buddy, I’m 31, and it shows. You don’t need to see my ID.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I do need to see your ID. Otherwise, I risk my job and the store risks a fine.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Normally, when people ask me for ID, it’s a compliment, but coming from you, you just sound like a bureaucratic snot! Don’t waste my time, and just sell me the d*** game!”

    (Another customer standing behind him taps him on the shoulder.)

    Customer #2: “Hey, you said you’re 31, right?”

    Customer: “Yeah! And this little punk is giving me a hard time about it!”

    Customer #2: “How old is your kid? You may be 31, but you seem a little too young to be the father of a 17-year old, which this game is intended for.”

    Customer: “What are you talking about? I don’t have any kids. This game is for me!”

    Customer #2: *incredulously* “You’re 31 and still play video games?!”

    (The 31-year old customer turns red and leaves the store in a huff. Since he’s gone, I go on to serve the next customer.)

    Customer #2: “I’m actually older than he is and I play games, too. Since he was adamant about not showing his ID, I figured he had insecurities. I thought it would be fun to mess with him a little, and boy was I right!”

    Little Nuggets Of Interest

    | Dublin, Ireland | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, History

    (I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

    Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together, and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

    Young passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

    Navy Seal’s Fate is Sealed

    | Toulon, France | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military, Top

    (The restaurant is near a Navy base and thus, sometimes, sailors and officers off-duty come to eat. A man and his girlfriend come in. They haven’t reserved a table, were rude and snotty with my co-workers, complained a lot about the food and talked loudly and sometimes mocked the other customers. My manager decides that enough is enough when the man lit a cigarette after requesting his bill.)

    Manager: “Sir, you can’t smoke here.”

    Customer: “Yes I can.”

    Manager: “Sir, you’re in a smoke-free zone. Either go away or put out this cigarette.”

    (The customer gets up. He’s clearly taller and larger than the manager and glances at him.)

    Customer: “Buddy, listen. I’m a Navy’s lieutenant, so I’m not going to take crap from civvies. Just shut up and let me smoke.”

    (At this point, I decide to call the police when I notice another customer with his family getting up and going straight to the troublemaker.)

    Customer #2: “Did I hear you’re in the Navy?”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Customer #2: “You work at the base here?”

    Customer: “What? Get the f*** out, you d*** civvie!”

    Customer #2: “You know [name]?”

    Customer: “Who the f*** are you and what the f*** do you want?”

    Customer #2: “Do you know [name]?”

    Customer: “[name] is my superior!”

    Customer #2: “Well, I’m HIS superior, and as soon as I’m out of here, I’ll make sure he lights your a** up.”

    (The second customer pulls out a military ID and shows it to him. The troublemaking customer goes white, apologizes profusely to the manager and the customer, pays his bill and storms off with his girl WHILE SOBBING. Turns out the man showed him his military ID, and he’s a Navy’s rear-admiral. Needless to say, we gave a huge discount to the officer.)

    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

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