Category: Awesome Customers

Dressing Up The Situation More Than Required

| London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

(I work in a small corner shop. It’s around two pm and the store is pretty dead. A lady walks in and purchases a large quantity of alcohol, paying in cash. She spots the engagement ring on my finger as I hand her the change.)

Customer: “Aww, are you getting married?”

Me: “Yeah, I’ve been engaged for almost two months now.”

Customer: “That’s nice. I’ve been married for just under thirty years now.”

(She reaches back into her purse and pulls out a twenty pound note.)

Customer: “You seem like such a sweet girl. Here, take this. Put it towards your husband’s suit or something.”

(I don’t like taking other people’s money, especially from strangers, so she puts it on the counter.)

Me: “Well, um, actually my, uh, girlfriend and I are both gonna be wearing dresses but thanks.”

(I don’t tend to discuss my personal life with customers much, and this one showed me why. Nodding for the briefest of moments before she realised what I’d said, her eyes widened in shock and she turned around and sprinted out of the store faster than I would have believed for someone of her age, leaving behind the £20 as well as all her purchases. We kept them behind the counter for a week before my boss decided to donate them to me and my now wife for our wedding. It’s been a month now since the wedding, but no-one since has asked about it.)

You’d Be A Fool Not To

| Bay Area, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(A woman and her six-year-old son walk into my store. She asks my coworker for help, while her son makes his way over to a case containing common and semi-precious stones. They are the only two in the store, so I have fun showing him some of the stones. He has picked up an egg-shaped piece of pyrite – also known as fool’s gold.)

Son: “Mom! Can I have it?!”

Mom: “I don’t know, baby. How much is it?”

Me: “It’s [price under $5], ma’am.”

Son: “So can I, Mama? Pleeeaaassseee?”

Mom: “Why do you want it so badly?”

Son: *looks thoughtful for a moment* “Because it’s AMAZING, and I want to fill my room with AMAZING things.”

Mom: *almost under her breath* “Well, I don’t see how I can argue with that.”

Very Closed Minded

| Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Time

(I’m the idiot customer this time around. I needed to get some supplies for my computer, and thought the local store was open until 10 pm. It’s currently 8:55 pm when I enter.)

Security: “Oh, we’re getting ready to close.”

Me: “Huh? It’s 8:55.”

Security: “We close at 9. Hope you’re quick!”

Me: *starting to dash* “Watch me.”

(I make a mad dash through the otherwise empty store as fast as I can go, grabbing my three items and running to the register. Timestamp on the receipt: 8:59pm.)

Cashier: “You used to work retail, huh?”

Me: “Yup, and I would’ve kicked my own a** if I took too long!”

(The staff laughed and gave a brief cheer as I, the last customer of the evening, was out the door at nine on the nose.)

Giving You A (Prison) Break

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”

(There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”

(The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)

Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”

Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”

(He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)

Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”

(Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)

Customer #2: “GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE!”

(The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)

Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”

Me: “I-I-I, um…”

Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”

Me: “Uh, you, um…”

Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”

Comic: Starting A New Year Revolution

, | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Comics, Food & Drink, Holidays

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