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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here

    | Victoria, Australia | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Top

    (I’m a 21-year-old girl at work and feeling a bit sad, having broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week. One of our regular customers, who is 24, is standing around talking to me and my female coworker. Another regular customer, a lovely elderly German man who we call ‘Dante’ because of his favourite game, comes in shortly afterwards.)

    Me: *to Dante* “Hello! How’s Dante’s Inferno going?”

    Dante: “Oh, it’s just great! I love it. But I’ve been playing some other games lately…”

    (He goes on to tell us what he’s been up to. The young customer joins the conversation, too. Once Dante has finished telling us what games he’s playing, he turns to the young customer.)

    Dante: “So, why do you hang around here, young man? I hope you’re not troubling these lovely girls.”

    Young Customer: “Nah, I just hang around and talk, really.”

    Dante: “Ahh, I see. You like one of these girls, huh? I know you do!”

    Young Customer: *laughs and turns red* “How do you know that?”

    Dante: “Well, if you come in every day just to chat, you must not have a girlfriend.” *turns to me* “Darling, are you single?”

    Me: “Umm, yeah. I am.”

    Dante: “You two should get together! You’re nice and he’s nice…” *turns back to the young customer* “…and you’d get free games!”

    Young Customer: “Oh, I dunno. She probably wouldn’t give me free games.”

    Dante: “Yes, she would! You’d be her boyfriend. She’d have to!” *turns to me and steps closer, talking softly in my ear* “Just think about it, yes? He’s a good boy. He’d be lucky to have a girl like you!”

    Me: *grinning ear-to-ear* “Thanks, I’ll think about it!”

    (Two months later, I realised how much of a ‘good boy’ the young customer really was, and it turned out that he’d had a crush on me for a while. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now, and a few weeks ago I ran into Dante at a local coffee shop. When I told him he’d been right about us, he was over the moon!)

    Self-Serving Stupidity Will Not Be Served

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am a customer, standing third in line behind a very well-dressed woman in her 50s—we’ll call her Customer #1. The cashier, in her 70s, has just finished ringing out a young 20-something woman with pink hair. It is about 1 am and I am dead tired, literally swaying on my feet. There are three other customers behind me, which we’ll call Customers #2-#4.)

    Cashier: *to Customer #1* “Oh dear, just a moment!”

    (With that, the cashier runs off after the pink-haired customer, who has left behind a gift card she just purchased. Angrily, Customer #1 slams a 24-pack of canned drinks on the counter and turns to me.)

    Customer #1: “I bet she is going to try to make me put this back in my cart, but I won’t. It’s a little game I like to play called, ‘Who’s Getting Paid for This?’”

    (Note: Customer #1 has left a 40-pound bag of cat litter and 20-pound bag of cat food in her cart, both heavier than the drinks.)

    Me: *shrugs*

    (The cashier returns, panting and out of breath.)

    Cashier: “Sorry about that. She left her gift c—”

    Customer #1: “I don’t care. Just ring my purchases up!”

    Cashier: “Oh, um… right, sorry.”

    (The cashier rings the small items through, double-bagging the cans and folding the clothing with care, before using the hand scanner to ring up the drinks, the litter, and the cat food.)

    Cashier: “Your total is [price], ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “Well, it’s about time. Load my d*** cart so I can get the h*** out this s***hole!”

    (The cashier sets the bags in the cart around the litter and cat food, and then looks at the 24-pack of drinks.)

    Cashier: “You’ll have to set the pop in the cart, ma’am. I’m sorry, but I can’t lift it.”

    Customer #1: “You can’t lift it? What kind of bulls*** is that? Why the h*** not?”

    Cashier: “I can’t lift over 10 pounds; doctor’s orders.”

    Customer #1: “That is none of my business. Why are you telling me this? Just do your d*** job!”

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You asked her why; that is why she’s telling you. Ugh!”

    Customer #1: *glares at Customer #2* “Well, this is not acceptable. Get your manager over here now. Maybe he can load my cart since you are too lazy.”

    (At this point, I’ve had enough and grab Customer #1′s 24-pack of drinks and set it in her cart.)

    Customer #1: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

    Me: “Lady, it is 1 am. I am tired and want to go home. I will load the d*** groceries in your car if it gets you out of the way faster!”

    Customer #1: “You have no right to touch my groceries!”

    Customer #2: “And you have no right to be such a b****. You didn’t have to lift it, she did…” *points at me* “…even though you obviously were able to put it in the cart and on the counter by yourself. You got your change, so get out of the way!”

    Customers #3 & #4: *echoes of agreement*

    Customer #1: “Well, I never—“

    Me: “It is obvious you have ‘never.’ You have NEVER had to work a low paying job with a**hole customers who get enjoyment out of making your life harder. We get it. Now go away!”

    (I set my two items on the counter as Customer #1 stomps away to customer service.)

    Cashier: *crying silently* “Thank you so much.”

    (Customer #2 and I stand away from the register for a few minutes talking after that. Customer #1 has caused enough trouble at this point to be escorted out of the store by the store manager and security. Afterwards, the store manager hugs his cashier and sends her to break so she can calm down. As it turns out, the cashier is his ailing aunt who has been working while getting chemotherapy. She really isn’t supposed to be working at all, but is unable to afford treatment otherwise.)

    Store Manager: “There is only so much stupid I can tolerate!”

    Steeps Tall Brewings In A Single Ground

    | Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “What comes in a Caramel Macchiato? Do you guys make a better one than [competitor #1]?”

    Me: “Well, sir, we make it with [ingredients], while [competitor #1] makes it with [competitor #1's ingredients], an [competitor #3] makes it with [competitor #3's ingredients].”

    Customer: *stunned* “Wow! How do you guys know that?!”

    Me: “Well, I’ve worked at all of those other places before I got here, so I know a few of their tricks.”

    Customer: “Man, you’re, like… Super Barista!”

    (The man orders a caramel macchiato and pays happily. The next day, he catches me in the middle of taking out trash. Rather than removing my apron, I simply turn it backward to avoid getting it dirty, inadvertently making it appear as if I’m wearing a cape. Suddenly, the customer from the day before comes driving by.)

    Customer: “SUPER BARISTA!”

    Fortunately For Us Both, I Like Crazy

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I work in the “exotic phone call” industry. Most customers know they’re paying a lot of money for the call, so they don’t play games. But, every once in awhile, I get calls that even I find strange.)

    Caller: “Oooh, hey, what’s your name?”

    Me: “You can just call me ‘Candy.’”

    Caller: “Oh, no, I’m diabetic. Can I call you something else?”

    Me: “Well, my special callers call me ‘Silk,’ because I’m so smooth.”

    Caller: “Hmm, no. I don’t like silk… or satin.”

    Me: “Well, how ’bout this? What do you wanna call me?”

    Caller: “Err… Cortana? Like, from Halo?”

    Me: “Really? I LOVE Halo!”

    (In the end, this caller and I talked about the Halo franchise for roughly three hours without discussing anything even remotely dirty. It was the most enjoyable call I’d taken all month. To show my appreciation for the conversation, I took 50% off of his bill.)

    Lightening In A Bottle

    | Maryland, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (The wine store I work at has a fully functional bar. On this particular night, the store is very busy as we are having a wine tasting that is open to the public. This day also happens to be the one before my birthday. I am mixing a drink for a well-to-do regular customer).

    Customer: “So, how have you been lately?”

    Me: “Pretty good.”

    Customer: “What time will you be in tomorrow?”

    Me: “I actually have the day off. It is my birthday.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it? Did [owner] get you anything nice?”

    Me: “I doubt it.”

    Customer: “Well, that is too bad. Hey, could you help me find a good Portuguese wine?”

    (For the next ten minutes, I show him red blends, Riojas, and other wonderful Portuguese wines.)

    Customer: “If you could get any of these, which would you get?”

    Me: “Well, that depends. Most of these are out of my price range, but this $10.99 bottle would be great.”

    Customer: “But I want the best one that is over here, regardless of price.”

    (I show him a really good one that is $60 a bottle.)

    Customer: “I want this one. Can I buy it, set it on the counter, and enjoy some more drinks at the bar?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (The customer stays for a few more hours talking to me about the college I had went to, and jobs I am interested in. About an hour before closing, he says it is time to go, and heads to the counter where his purchases are still sitting. I proceed to clean up the bar as he approaches me.)

    Customer: “I thought it a shame that a person as friendly and knowledgable as you didn’t get a birthday gift after working here for years. This is yours.”

    (He hands me a wrapped bag, and when I unwrap it, it is the expensive wine I had recommended. As I look up to thank him, he is already out the door, but he gives me a wave and a large smile. It is people like that who make working a minimum wage job worth it!)

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