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    Category: Awesome Customers

    So Much Pun

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

    Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

    (Best. Old dude. Ever.)

    A Light In The Darkness

    | Canberra, Australia | Awesome Customers, Top

    (Our lighting store is very hands-on with service. On a slow day, I see a customer standing near our counter. She is looking at some lights displayed on the roof.)

    Me: “Hi, can I give you a hand today?”

    Customer: *angry* “NO! You know, you’re the fourth person in ten minutes to ask me for help! I just want to look at the lights. I don’t need any help. I just want to be left alone!”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (I walk away, rather surprised by her reaction. I see another customer, an elderly man, and decide to approach him.)

    Me: “Can I give you a hand, or were you just having a look?”

    Elderly Customer: “Just having a look, thank you. You know, you’re the third person to ask me that. What great service you guys have!”

    Trust Us, There Are Far Worse

    | Brisbane, Qld, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Um, I’d like the…is the teriyaki good?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s one of our most popular subs.”

    Customer: “Okay, a teriyaki chicken sub on…Italian Herbs & Spices?”

    Me: “Italian Herb & Cheese? No problem.”

    Customer: “Yes, sorry. Uh, not toasted. Can I have that dark orange cheese?”

    Me: “The old english? Sure. Which salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Um…Lettuce, tomato…cucumber, carrot…ooh, and just a little bit of onion.”

    Me: “Of course. Would you like the Sweet Onion sauce?”

    Customer: “Is that good with that?”

    Me: “It’s the recommended sauce, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Yes please. Boy, I bet I’m just the worst customer!”

    Me: “Not. Even. Close.”

    He’s No Slim Jim

    | Louisiana, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I’m talking to a regular I’ve known since I was a kid—let’s just call him Jim—who is leaning against our drink counter and drinking a cappuccino. Note: “Jim” is 5’10 and a little over 200lbs, most of which is muscle from working on a logging crew. I notice there’s a smudge on my glasses so I take them off and begin wiping them on my shirt. Right at that moment, a customer walks in. I always greet my customers, so I squint at the person to make them out since I’m not wearing my glasses.)

    Me: “Good evening, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, you don’t have to give me such a dirty look!”

    Me: “What dirty look?”

    Customer: “When I walked in the door, you gave me a nasty look as if I was s*** on the bottom of your shoe!”

    Me: “No, I was squinting at you ’cause I couldn’t see.” *I point at my glasses* “I’m practically blind without these, and there was something on them. I was cleaning them when you walked in, so I had to squint to see you.”

    Customer: “Hmph! You’re just making excuses! You think you’re better than me, but you’re nothing but trash! Only trash works in places like this!”

    (At this point, Jim decides to speak up in my defense. Note that Jim has a VERY thick country-boy accent.)

    Jim: “You’d better apologize to her right now, mister.”

    Customer: “What?! What’d you say?”

    (Jim speaks slowly and clearly this time, so that his accent is less apparent.)

    Jim: “I said you’d better apologize to her right now.” *crosses his arms over his chest* “If you don’t, I’m gonna put my work boot up your a** and you’re gonna have to have it surgically removed!”

    Customer: *turns ash white* “I’m sorry, miss!” *leaves without buying anything*

    Alls Well That Bookends Well

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top

    (A sharply-dressed man comes to the counter with a woman of his age and a 5-year-old kid walking near them.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Man: “Yes, can you tell the price of those books, please?”

    (He hands me a list, and I use it to calculate the total price of the books in question.)

    Me: “Okay, the total comes to $242.14.”

    Man: “Alright. Do you take debit cards?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Man: “Ten years ago, when I was a teen, we stole those books in your shop with my wife here as a student prank. Now that we both have a good job, we want to show my kid that you must fix your errors in life.”

    (I stayed speechless for a good minute before taking his payment. If there’s a “Customer of the Month” award, this family takes the cake!)


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