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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Mother’s Little Yeller

    | Massachusetts, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    Me: “A few quick rules before we begin our tour: we don’t allow photography inside the museum and, as everything inside is antique, please try not to touch anything.”

    (At this point, I like to make a side note to any kids in the group to make them feel important. I turn to one of the visitor’s daughters at the front, who is about six years old.)

    Me: “Now, everyone always assumes that I’m talking to you when I go over these rules, but really, I know that you know how to behave. The grownups, on the other hand, think they can do anything because they’re grownups. So you keep an eye on your parents for me, okay?”

    (The visitor’s daughter grins and nods. Sure enough, a few minutes later…)

    Me: “The bed curtains on the bed in here were handmade by a local woman out of homespun linen. She did all the work herself and it took her nearly ten years to—”

    Visitor: “Wow, this is amazing!”

    (The visitor grabs the 250-year-old fabric and starts rubbing it between her fingers.)

    Visitor’s Daughter: *immediately smacks the visitor’s hand away* “Mummy you stop that! You heard what the nice lady said! Grownups have to follow the rules, too!”

    Visitor: *hangs head in shame*

    Other Visitor: “Oh my God, it worked!”

    (The visitor’s daughter gave me a high five on the way out!)

    He’s No Slim Jim, Part 2

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry

    (I’m the girl whose friend is not a Slim Jim. It’s been a busy evening, so when I finally get a free minute, I grab a cleaning rag and go to wipe down the counter near the soda fountains. As I’m walking from behind the counter, a customer walks in, followed closely by Jim.)

    Me: *turning to go back behind the counter* “Good evening! How—”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just thought you were getting a break, b****!”

    (At this point, Jim scowls but doesn’t say anything. After the man makes his purchase, Jim taps him on his shoulder. The guy turns and shrinks back when he sees that Jim is scowling with his arms crossed over his chest. The guy’s head is about level with Jim’s nose and he’s only half as broad.)

    Jim: “What did you just call this young lady?”

    Customer: “I… uh… I said that she… uh… is a very nice young lady. Beautiful, too.”

    Jim: “That’s what I thought.”

    Customer: *slinks around Jim and darts out the door* “Have a good night, gorgeous!”

    Related:
    He’s No Slim Jim

    Hell Hath No Fury Like A Mother Scorned

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (We’re not too busy at the grocery store this night, but we still have a decent amount of customers. I have just finished a transaction for Customer #1, a lady no more then 5 feet tall who is carrying a small infant, when I notice that she has left her baby’s bottle on the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, Miss! Your baby bottle!”

    (My coworker, a young man, picks up the bottle and politely walks the few feet to give it to the woman.)

    Customer #1: “Thank you both so much!” *takes the bottle*

    (Out of nowhere, Customer #2, a man about 6 feet tall, starts screaming.)

    Customer #2: “Why the f*** are you catering to her! You’re a man! She is just a fat lazy b****!”

    (My coworker, a few other customers, and I stand in shock. Customer #1, however, calmly puts her grocery bag on the floor, places her infant in my coworker’s arms, and walks right up to Customer #2. With amazing speed, her hand shoots out and grabs his collar bone, and he drops to the floor in obvious pain.)

    Customer #1: “You wanna go?! Come on! This fat, lazy b**** will kick your a** all over this d*** store!”

    Customer #2: *meekly raises his arms in surrender*

    Customer #1: “Smart decision!” *picks up her grocery bag, takes back her baby, and merrily goes on her way*

    Related:
    Hell Hath No Fury Like A Pregnant Woman Scorned

    Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

    Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

    Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    (The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

    Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

    Cashier: *dazed look*

    Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

    Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

    Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

    (At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

    Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

    Good News For A Change, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Awesome Customers

    (It’s a very busy day at our drugstore. A customer comes to my register after waiting a very long time in line.)

    Me: “Hello, did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager immediately!”

    Me: “Is there something I could help you with?”

    Customer: “No, I want to speak with your manager now!”

    (I page the manager, and mentally prepare myself for whatever argument this customer is about to unleash.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I need to tell you… I was in here yesterday and this man was just screaming at your employees. Nothing would stop him, he was so angry! They were all trying to be so helpful and he just kept screaming! You should be incredibly proud of your employees! They handled themselves so well and never once argued back!”

    (She put a smile on all of our faces. When her transaction was finished, she told me to keep the change!)

    Related:
    Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

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