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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Good News For (A Heckuva Lot Of) Change

    | NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (The following happens when a well-dressed man comes in with bags full of sweets and gifts.)

    Customer: “What’s your favorite flavor?!”

    Me: “I like the lemon.”

    Customer: “Then, give me that! A large! It’s for my wife!” *shakes with excitement*

    Me: “I guess those presents and sweets are for her, too?”

    Customer: *shakes with even more excitement* “YES! Yes they are!”

    Me: “Here you go. That will be five dollars—”

    Customer: *unable to contain himself* “MY WIFE IS PREGNANT! PREGNANT! I’m going to have a little son or daughter! HIGH FIVE!”

    (The customer proceeds to high five me over the register and throws a bill onto the table.)

    Customer: “I’m going to be a dad! Keep the change!” *skips out of the store*

    (The bill he threw? It was $50!)

    Voracity Is The Mother Of Intervention

    | Ontario, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (This occurs when I’m bringing desserts and coffee to a table with two customers—one middle-aged woman and one elderly woman.)

    Me: “Here you go. Is there anything else I can get for you ladies?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “An extra fork, please.”

    Me: “I’ll get you one right away.”

    (After I return with her fork…)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, but my coffee is far too strong.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “…and old. I tried some, and it’s clearly been sitting for a long time.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about the strength, although I actually made that coffee after you ordered it. I can make you another less strong one if you’d like.”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I leave, make her a new coffee at half-strength and come back to return it, at which point they’ve eaten all of their dessert.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Excuse me, but the mango cheesecake was far too sweet.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. The cheesecake is something they make in the kitchen, but I’ll certainly let them know for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Could I maybe get a discount on it, or have it for free because of that?”

    Me: “Um… I can ask the chef for you, but I don’t think he’ll say yes, since you finished the whole thing.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Well, I didn’t mention this earlier, but my dinner was also too salty.”

    Me: “Again, I can let them know, and ask about a discount, but you ate the whole thing, so I doubt I’ll be allowed to reduce the price for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “The scallops in it were mushy, too!”

    Me: “Well, they were breaded scallops and the dish you ordered was very saucy. It’s unfortunately unavoidable that they’d get somewhat soft from the sauce. Again, I can talk to the kitchen for you, but I doubt there’ll be any result.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Hmm…” *to the elderly customer* “Did we order any appetizers?”

    Elderly Customer: “The appetizer was delicious, you said so yourself. Now stop trying to get freebies and let the poor girl go do her job. There’s other people at other tables that you’re keeping her from helping by holding her here with all your complaints.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Fine! That’s everything. Just bring us the bill.”

    (As I leave to go to the kitchen and deliver her complaints, I hear the elderly customer berating the middle-aged one.)

    Elderly Customer: “Shame on you, a grown woman! I didn’t raise you to be a greedyguts!”

    Related:
    Necessity Is The Mother Of Intervention

    Pint-Sized Profanity Patrol

    | Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (Two younger teens are hanging out near the specialty store where I work.)

    Young Teen #1: “Aw man, these pants are f***ing sweet!”

    Young Teen #2: “S***, I know! I love this f***ing store!”

    (The swearing and vulgar language keeps up for a while as families enter the store. A lady walks in with her young boy who can’t be older than three or four. He stands near the young teens and listens to their foul language for a while. Suddenly, he marches up to them with his hands in his little pockets, unimpressed.)

    Little Boy: “HEY! I’m here! I can hear you! Don’t talk like that!”

    Young Teens: *look dumbfounded and leave the store*

    Every Cloud Has A Savior Lining

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a short, 100 pound fifteen-year-old girl, and a lot of people try to intimidate me. I work in a fairly large bakery, with plenty of seats that are blocked off from the cashier.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, can I get a brownie please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (I notice there is one, broken brownie left.)

    Me: “If you like, ma’am, you can wait just one minute and there will be a fresh, unbroken one for you.”

    Customer #1: “DON’T F***ING TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU ARE REFUSING ME SERVICE, YOU LAZY B****! GET ME A F***ING BROWNIE!”

    Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, ma’am. I’ll get that right away.”

    Customer #1: *suddenly nice and sweet* “Thank you, honey!”

    Me: “Here you go!”

    (Customer #1 takes one look at it and goes berserk.)

    Customer #1: “THIS IS F***ING BROKEN! I AM NOT EATING THIS S***!”

    (Suddenly, she launches herself at me and grabs me by the hair. I have very long, very sensitive hair, so she has no trouble dragging me over the counter and onto the ground. She starts kicking me and screaming. Two customers rush to my rescue, restraining her and helping me off the ground.)

    Customer #2: “Are you alright?”

    Me: *shaking like a leaf* “I think so.”

    (Customer #1 suddenly breaks free and rushes at me. I shriek rather loudly, but Customer #2 heroically jumps in front of her, effectively shielding me. The mall security has by now subdued her, but I still burst into tears. However, everything ended well: afterwards, Customer #2 bought me a coffee, and we have been dating for the past few months!)

    Related:
    Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining

    It Pays To Be Patient

    | Calgary, Canada | Awesome Customers, Money, Technology, Top

    (I am a waitress. One of my customers has just finished eating and is using a debit card to pay for his meal. The machine automatically includes a step giving the option to include a tip.)

    Customer: “I don’t understand technology. This machine isn’t working. It won’t let me leave a tip!”

    (The machine clearly gives three options: Leave a tip in a dollar amount, a percentage amount, or skip the tip.)

    Me: “Well, sir, you have three choices: a dollar amount, a percentage amount, or no tip. To choose one, press the button directly underneath it on the screen, and the machine will take you to the next step.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    (He proceeds to type in a dollar amount, but the machine does nothing since he has not chosen the dollar option.)

    Customer: “It still doesn’t work! They made this machine far too difficult to use!”

    Me: “Okay, well, I’ll just explain your options to you again…”

    (This time, I physically point to each of the three buttons as I explain the difference between the three options.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    (He again proceeds to type a dollar amount without choosing an option.)

    Customer: “The machine doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Okay, sir, if you want to add a tip as a dollar amount, press the first button there labelled ‘$’. The machine will take you to the next step, and then you can enter the amount you wish to leave.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay!”

    (He still doesn’t get it. I end up explaining about 7 more times until he finally pushes the button to proceed to the next step.)

    Customer: “Oh… well, that was easy! I don’t know why it took so long for me to understand that. Thank you for being so patient. I’m going to leave you $1 for every time you had to explain it to me!”

    (He ended up leaving me a $10 tip. His meal had only amounted to $25. Definitely one of the best customers I’ve had!)


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