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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Peaking At High School Isn’t F-U-N-N-Y

    | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m having a particularly bad day. Customer #1 is a male in his 40’s while Customer #2 is a female in her 20’s.)

    Customer #1: *waving a book in my face* “I want my godd*** money back!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have your receipt, sir?”

    Customer #1: “No. But you’re giving me my money back, you stupid wh***! You have no right to defy me!”

    Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, but the best I can do without a receipt is store credit.”

    Customer #1:” No, the best you will do is money! M-U-N-N-Y. Get it? I got this book because I never finished reading it in high school, and it sucks!”

    (At this point, the Customer #2, the customer in line behind him, speaks up. She’s over a foot shorter than the male customer.)

    Customer #2: “Congratulations, numb nuts. At 40, you finally made it through a high school level book, and you still can’t spell ‘money’.”

    Customer #1: *wheeling around* “How dare you?! Do you know who I am?”

    Customer #2: *dryly* “Someone who never figured out how to work a breath mint?”

    Customer #1: *leering down at her* “Who do you think you are?”

    Customer #2: *sounding bored* “I am so displeased to meet you.”

    Customer #1: *spluttering* “How da—the nerve, I mean—really!”

    (He grabs his book and storms off.)

    Me: *laughing* “Wow. That was hilarious.”

    Customer #2: *joking* “He can’t words good. I bet that happens a lot, yea?”

    Me: “More than anybody would like. What can I help you with?”

    Customer #2: “I have an exchange. Got the wrong edition, you know. But, I do have my receipt.”

    (Customer #2 ended up getting hired at our store about a month later!)

    There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

    , | NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

    Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

    Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

    Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

    Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

    Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

    Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

    Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

    Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

    Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

    Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

    Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

    The Not So Great Gatsby

    | Redmond, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Pets & Animals

    (A man sporting a heavy metal t-shirt, torn jeans, facial piercings and green hair approaches my register. As he gets closer I notice he’s cradling a small cat in his arms.)

    Man: “Hey… umm… this is probably going to sound kind of weird but I was just in the parking lot and—”

    (He’s promptly cut off by a shrill scream. We both turn to see a horrified lady charging towards us like a rabid rhino.)

    Lady: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

    Man: “Oh, there you are! Listen—”

    Lady: “Get your filthy meat hooks off my Gatsby! You monster! Let him go!”

    (She violently starts trying to beat the man with her purse. Braving the blows, the man hands the cat over to her.)

    Lady: “Oh, my poor Gatsby! Did the horrible man hurt you? Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll make him pay!” *glaring at me* “You! Call the police right now! And you!” *turns to the punk* “Don’t move! I’m going to see you in jail for trying to kidnap my Gatsby!”

    Man: “Really? Well before you do that ma’am I should warn you that I intend to report you to the SPCA for endangering the life of your pet.”

    Lady: “What?”

    Man: “You left your car window rolled all the way down, and dear Gatsby there climbed out after you went in. I very nearly hit him as he ran out into the parking lot so I thought it only right that I bring him in where he wouldn’t be at risk of getting lost, run over, or kidnapped. Are you saying I should’ve just left him out there where anything could’ve happened, and you thus would most likely have had to go home minus your darling pet?”

    (The lady turns red, drops her shopping, and promptly runs out of the store with her cat.)

    This Customer’s Spirit Is Unsinkable

    , | Derbyshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Movies & TV, Top

    (I am quite well-spoken and have what many people refer to as a ‘posh’ accent.)

    Me: “Alright, so that will be £24, please!”

    Customer: “You’re far too posh to be working in a place like this!”

    Me: “Why, thank you! I do tend to hear that rather often! I’ve got to pay my way through university somehow, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Ooh yes! You sound just like that Kate Winslet!”

    Me: “Um, thank you! Have a good night!”

    (About one week passes, when the customer comes through again, this time with her entire family in tow.)

    Customer: “It’s Kate Winslet!”

    Me: “Hello again! How are you all this evening?”

    Customer: “I’d be better if you could just talk at my kids a second!”

    Me: “Okay then. I mean, what would you like me to say?”

    Customer: “They’ve been watching Titanic all week getting ready for this. Say that bit when she’s stuck on the door at the end!”

    Me: “Um… ‘I’ll never let go, Jack!'”

    Customer: *to her kids* “Ha! Didn’t I tell you she sounded just like her?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m glad you liked it. Is there anything else I can help you all with tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, darling. Just stay as you are. It’s so nice to be served by people that are just so happy!”

    (These customers are now regulars, who not only ask me to quote Titanic every time they come through, but also got one of my coworkers to do the ‘Gangnam Style’ dance.)

    Not All Knights Are In Shining Armor

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (Two of my children suffer from a rare, genetic bone disease and they both have recently had major surgery. My 10 year old had his hip rebuilt and is using a wheelchair, while my 13 year old had a tumor taken out of his ankle and is using a walker. The 10 year old also uses a walker to move from his chair to the car. I am parked in a handicapped space, and am trying to get them loaded into the car. There are 6 open handicap spaces, but this elderly man decides he needs the space directly next to my driver’s side.)

    Elderly Man: *honking horn* “Get out of the way!”

    Me: “I need to get the kids loaded. I’ll be out of the way shortly.”

    Elderly Man: *honking even louder, scaring my 10 year old* “Get out of the way, lady! You don’t even need this spot.”

    Me: “Sir, my two disabled children do need this spot, but there are several other open spots if you’re in a hurry.”

    (By this time, I have my wheelchair bound child in the car. I set his walker aside to push the chair to the back of my car and retrieve my older child’s walker from the other side of the car. Unfortunately, I am not fast enough. The elderly man honks again, then bullies his way into the spot and DRIVES OVER the walker. I am nearly in tears, and have just put my head down trying to get the wheelchair folded up and put in the trunk of my car. The elderly man gets out of his car while I have the chair half way from the ground to the trunk.)

    Elderly Man: “You’re very rude! You should be ashamed of yourself! You shouldn’t even be using this spot. It’s obvious you don’t need it!”

    Me: *literally slack-jawed* “I’m sorry you feel that way…”

    (As the elderly man leaves, two young men who look like thugs approach me.)

    Young Men: “We’ve seen everything and feel really bad for you. Can we help you get the wheelchair and walkers into your car?”

    Me: *crying and trembling* “Yes…”

    (Not only do the young men get the medical equipment in my car, but they get my 10 year old laughing again with their non-stop jokes. After they finish helping me…)

    Me: “Thank you! Can I do anything to repay your kindness?”

    Young Men: *wave me off* “We’re just doing what decent people would do. Have a pleasant day!”

    (I found out later that they’d noted the elderly man’s tag number and had gone inside to report the incident to the manager. The police were called and the elderly man was held responsible for the damage to the walker.)

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