Category: Awesome Customers

Not All Visitors Stink

| Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at the snack shack at my local zoo one summer. We have a huge group of middle-school aged kids in the park, and their supervisor has all 75+ of them come to the shack at once for lunch. I have been serving for about forty-five minutes when this happens.)

Kid #1: “Can I get a water and a hot dog for five dollars?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I ring him up, take his money, and give him the water. I’ve turned around to get the hotdog and am just coming back when I hear a shriek.)

Me: “What happened?”

Kid #1: “I don’t know.” *grabs hot dog and walks off*

(I try to calm the kids down, and just when they’re in a line again, I smell an powerful odor; it’s obviously what caused the shriek.)

Me: “Someone set off a stink bomb. One second…”

(I radio the front so they know, but there are other groups in the park and it’s not an immediate danger, so it’s still just me.)

Kid #2: “Yeah. I want to know who it is so we can get them later.”

Me: “Here’s your order. So, someone decided to set off a stink bomb right where you all are getting and eating food?”

Kid #3: “Pretty much. I want a cheeseburger and a soda.”

Me: *still serving* “…In a place full of animals with a great sense of smell, like the bears and mandrills behind me?”

Kid #4: “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out and beat them up for you!”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet.”

(I keep serving for about another ten minutes when I again hear a shriek; this time, it turns into hysterical screaming. I look and see that one of the parrots has been spooked off his perch, and, for some reason, several kids are screaming since he’s on the ground near them. I grab the radio and tell the keepers, but put up my “Back in Five Minutes” to calm the screaming kids down..)

Me: *to the screaming kids* “It’s okay. Just back away from the macaw, kids. He’ll be fine; you’ll be fine. Just back up.”

(The kids do so, and a keeper prepping for the wolf show runs over to put the bird back.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Keeper: “No problem. Hang in there…”

(The keeper has just left when I hear yet another kid yell.)

Another Kid: “Leave him alone!”

(I turn to see some kids spooking our white peacock; this other kid, a girl, is trying to protect it.)

Me: “Oh for the love of… that is the head keeper’s personal favorite animal! Desist!”

(The kids break up, apparently snickering at my use of the word ‘desist’. I get back into the shack.)

Kid #6: “Yay, you’re back. Um, a hot pretzel and soda.”

(After I serve him, I see Kids #2 and #3; they’ve come back with a large group. To my surprise, the kids proceed to empty all the change I’ve given them into the donation jar.)

Kid #2: “Sorry it’s been so crazy. I swear we’re not all that bad!”

Supportive Of Technical Support

| USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

Technician: “Hello, how may I be of service?”

Customer: “You’re a technician?”

Technician: “Yes, sir. I’ve worked here for 3 years. I assure you that I’m qualified to help you with any problems you might have.”

Customer: “You’re the first female tech I’ve spoken to. You must really be good.”

Technician: “Thank you.”

Customer: “Do you ever get nasty comments?”

Technician: “Unfortunately, yes I do sometimes. I’ve learnt to deal with them.”

Customer: “Well, they can all stick it where it don’t shine! And if you’re seriously having trouble with a particular guy, let me know and I’ll make sure they’ll regret it!”

(From then on, this customer always asked for our female technician.)

Brace(let) Yourself For A Good Cause

| Reisterstown, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

(We sell rubber bracelets in different colors that say one of the following: ‘Be Brave; Be Amazing; Be Kind; Be Accepting, Be Involved; Be Yourself’. When purchased, they donate money to a foundation that prevents bullying of children in school. A mother and her 8-year-old daughter are in the store looking at the bracelets.)

Daughter: “Mom, can I get one of these?”

Mom: “Yeah, sure. Which one?”

Daughter: “I’m not sure. I like all of them. They say such nice things.”

Mom: “Yeah, they say really nice things, but I don’t like ‘Be Accepting’.”

Daughter: “Well, why not?”

Mom: “It sounds lame or something.”

Me: *gives the mother a dirty look*

Daughter: *catches on and buys the ‘Be Brave’ bracelet*

Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m up working the cash register on a slow day, when a teenage boy comes up. He looks to be about 14. He’s sagging his pants, trying to look tough.)

Customer: “Hey, baby.”

Me: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: *leans on the counter* “You can get me your number.”

(I’m 25, and engaged.)

Me: “Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. Can I help you with anything else?”

Customer: “Why the f*** not, you stupid b****?!”

Me: “One: That would be illegal. Two: I am happily engaged. And three: even if I ignore the first two, it’s against company policy.”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing b****! You should be happy I want a piece of your a**!”

(As the customer continues ranting and raving, a woman appears behind him. She reaches out and taps his shoulder twice.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you want—”

(He turns around. All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words.)

Customer: “Hi, mama.”

(She smacks him across the face.)

Customer’s Mom: “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag! I did not raise you to think you are better than this poor girl!” *she grabs him by the ear, and shoves him against the counter, facing me* “Now, apologize!”

Customer: “But mom!”

Customer’s Mom: “Now!”

(He looks close to tears. He mumbles out how sorry he is, and how it wasn’t fair of him to treat me like a piece of meat. His mom, by his ear, pushes him towards the door.)

Customer’s Mom: “Go.”

(He walks out of the store, ready to cry. She turns to me, gives me a huge smile, apologizes again, and even buys me a gift card. Apparently there are some good parents still out there!)

Don’t Mess With A Browncoat

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Top

(I work in a movie/TV memorabilia store. Most of the stock is sci-fi related. A boy approaches my station.)

Boy: “Excuse me, you sell stuff like Klingon to English dictionaries, right?”

Me: “We surely do. There’s two in stock at the moment.”

Boy: “Okay, so then do you have a dictionary for Firefly to English? I’m like, obsessed with it… I’d like to know what the people are saying when they speak the space language, so I can say I know everything!”

Me: “Oh, it’s not actually a made-up language. They’re speaking Chinese.”

Customer: “Eh? They are not. It’s a space language. It’s set way in the future and everyone lives in space. Have you never seen it?”

Me: “I have indeed. I’m a big fan. I assure you they speak Chinese.”

(The boy looks surprised and then laughs loudly at me.)

Boy: “You’re a lassie. Isn’t Firefly more for guys? There’s loads of fighting and stuff. You can’t know that much about it. Why the h*** would space-folk speak Chinese, then?”

(I pull my keys from my pocket, from which dangles my Serenity spaceship key-ring.)

Me: “I also own the DVD box-set, the graphic novels, cast posters, 2 t-shirts and several other bits and pieces. I’ve even met Jewel Staite. The characters speak Chinese sometimes because after the war, America and China were the only remaining large power countries, who came together to form The Alliance. The culture-fusion resulted in a mixture of both English and Chinese being the commonly spoken tongues.”

Boy: “You just made that up. You don’t even know. I know far more than you. Who’s Jewel Staite supposed to be, then?”

Me: “She’s the actress who plays Kaylee!”

(A second customer in line who has been listening with interest suddenly pipes up.)

Customer #2: “I thought you knew everything about the show? Quit being such a tool and let me pay for my stuff already.”

Boy: “But I just want a Firefly dictionary! This stupid cow won’t help me!”

Customer #2: “You’ll find a Chinese to English dictionary in any big bookshop. Now if you’ll leave the poor lassie alone, you gorram a**, that’d be shiny!”

(I can’t help but laugh and the boy flips us both off, then storms out, kicking a display as he goes. I smile at the second customer.)

Me: “Thanks for that, mate. Always nice to get back-up from a fellow fan.”

Customer #2: “No problem. That boy was a total sha gua.”

(I gave the customer a free Firefly keyring like mine for that. Note: ‘sha gua’ is Chinese for ‘fool’.)

Page 68/97First...6667686970...Last