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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Conan The Contrarian

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

    Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

    Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

    (She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)

    The Working Dead

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

    Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

    Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

    Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

    Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia's largest household hardware chain]?”

    Me: “Um, probably here?”

    Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

    Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

    Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

    Guy #1: “Exactly!”

    Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

    Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

    Guy #2: “I give up.”

    Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

    Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

    Hot Food Can Leave You Feeling Warm & Fuzzy

    , | New Mexico, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working the closing shift at a popular fast food place. It is a few minutes to closing, and I am in a hurry to get everything cleaned so I could go home when a police officer walks in.)

    Officer: *pulls out a note* “Um, you guys have baked potatoes, right?”

    Me: “Yes sir, sour cream and chive, bacon and cheese, and chili and cheese.”

    Officer: “The bacon and cheese, and a cheddar burger?”

    Me: “No problem. Was there anything else for you tonight?”

    Officer: “No, I think that’s it. It’s for a girl we just rescued. She got caught up in human trafficking and we wanted to get her something warm to eat.”

    (Shocked, I finished ringing up his order. I immediately tracked down my manager and convinced him to ring it up as a manager meal, which is free. I also wrote a note that said good luck. The officer thanked me and left. A week later, I saw on the news that she made it home safe.)

    Faith Renewed In The Drive-Thru

    | Columbia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money, Top

    (A customer comes in, and once she makes it clear that she doesn’t want to order anything, I’m expecting a complaint.)

    Customer: “I know this is going to sound strange, but just hear me out. I went through the drive-thru this morning and they put a burrito in my bag that I didn’t pay for. I would like to pay for that now.”

    Me: “You… came back here to pay for something that you got, but didn’t order?”

    Customer: “Yes!” *beams*

    Me: *flustered and a little confused, I ring up the burrito* “That will be $1.06.”

    (The customer hands me the money happily and goes on her way. For me, this was an incredible show of honesty. Lady, wherever you are, thank you for restoring my faith in humanity.)

    Being The Bigger Man

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am standing in a line for a checkout at a supermarket, when I look over and see a family with two kids in another line. The kids are throwing stuff everywhere, tins, bottles, and jars. The cashier, a young girl, is frantically trying to calm them down. Note: I’m pretty big, about 6’3″ and broad, plus I have a black eye, cut nose and a cut across my lip from a sports match the day before.)

    Cashier: *to kids* “Please stop throwing things. Someone’s going to get hurt.”

    Father: “How dare you! You people just get off on telling other people what to do! You’re all just fascists, that’s what!”

    Cashier: “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but your kids are going to end up hurting someone, and then it’ll be a big problem for all of us.”

    Mother: “Are you threatening us?”

    Cashier: *looking shocked and confused* “No! Not at all. I’m just saying that it would be best if you asked your children to stop before someone gets hurt.”

    Father: “You’re still making threats! Either you stop with that right now or I swear to God I will give you a big problem! I’m going to make you sorry you were born, unless you shut the f*** up right now!”

    (I catch the cashier’s eye, and she looks hopeless. I bend down, pick up a tin thrown by one of the kids and quietly move to just behind the parents.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    (They spin round. The father is not that tall, about 5’10″, so he’s pretty much looking me in the neck. I point at my black eye and battered face.)

    Me: “One of your kids just hit me in the face. Is this a problem I should take up with you personally, or should I just call the police?”

    (I’m looming over him now, very much invading his personal space.)

    Father: “Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

    Me: “I would recommend you apologise to the nice lady who’s been putting up with you for the last 10 minutes without calling the police. It seems she’s had far more to deal with than me!”

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