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    Category: Awesome Customers

    These Customers Are Mostly Harmless

    | Western Australia, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Good evening, welcome to [pizza store]. How can I help you this evening?”

    Customer: “Just a Meat Lover’s on the regular base, thanks.”

    Me: “Not a problem. It should be ready in ten to fifteen minutes. Can I just have a name for the order?”

    Customer: *politely* “No.”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

    (The customer’s friend looks a bit annoyed at the customer, like he’s done this before, but doesn’t offer a name either.)

    Me: “Well, it’s busy tonight and I may not be the one giving out the pizza, so if there isn’t a name they may not know whose pizza it is.”

    Customer: “I just don’t want my name on the computer.”

    Me: “Well, I could put a fake name down instead?”

    Customer: *rolls his eyes, and then replies* “Fine, just put down Slartibartfast.

    Me: “…Slartibartfast?”

    Customer: “I told you it didn’t matter!”

    (He then walks off before I can reply to his name; I’m a huge fan of Douglas Adams myself. When his pizza comes out, I call out his name.)

    Me: “Slartibartfast and the hoopy frood Zaphod Beeblebrox?”

    (Both men laugh as they collect the pizza. The next time they came back, it was a pizza for Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect!)

    Height Trumps Hate

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

    Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

    Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

    (The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

    (Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

    Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

    (The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

    Brother: “Okay…”

    (As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

    Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

    (I love my little brother.)

    They Changed Each Other

    | Mississauga, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (I work part-time at a store that sells pools, hot tubs, and other leisure items.)

    Me: “Will that be everything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, miss. What’s the damage?”

    Me: “That’ll be $50.05, sir.”

    (The customer opens his wallet and hands me a $50 bill.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry, but I only have the $50. I left my coin-purse at home today. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. I’m sure I’ve got a nickel in my purse, somewhere.”

    (I get a coworker to watch my till while I grab my purse from the staff room and try to find a nickel. I grab one, put it in the drawer, and cash the customer out; he thanks me and leaves the store, but a few hours later, my boss pages me to call his office immediately.)

    Me: “You rang, sir?”

    Boss: “Yes. Can you come to the front of the store, please? There’s someone who wants to speak with you.”

    (When I reach the storefront, the same customer is standing at the counter. He’s holding a beautiful, red rose, which he gives to me—along with a nickel!)

    Me: “T…thank you, sir. You know, you didn’t have to do this!”

    Customer: “Yes, miss. I did. You went above and beyond your job-description to help someone in need, and that’s customer service!”

    Me: *trying not to cry by this point* “Thank you so much, sir! Have a nice day!”

    Customer: “And you as well, young lady!”

    (After he left the store, my boss sent him a $50 gift-card, for ‘treating our staff like human beings’. It’s been 10 years since then, but I’ll never forget that customer for as long as I live. To this day, his kindness reminds me that there is still good in this world!)

    A Disservice To Good Parenting

    , | UK | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a department store. It is Halloween, and our best kid’s costumes are out on display. I am decorating the store with fake spiders, when a angry customer and his bratty kid comes up to me.)

    Me: *looking at child tearing down bunting* “Uh, kid? I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.”

    Customer: *scowls at me* “Don’t you DARE!”

    Me: “Is this your child, sir?”

    Customer: “Yep! He’s not going to stop for a minimum wage weirdo!”

    Me: “But, sir, he’s defacing store property! I have to ask you to replace that mannequin and the torn bunting.”

    Customer’s Kid: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (I pause in shock.)

    Customer: “That’s it boy! We don’t be polite to serving people! They’re below us!”

    Coworker: “Excuse me sir? I’m going to have to ask you to go, or I’ll call security.”

    Customer: “I’m not scared of you! I’ll bet you’re not even Christian!”

    (At this point, a nearby customer who has overheard everything walks over.)

    Nearby Customer: *completely calm* “No, I’m not. I do, however, have a brown belt in Brazilian Floor Ju-jitsu. Let’s step outside and discuss this, shall we? Or you can kindly replace the decorations and leave these kind people alone.”

    Customer: *turns pale* “L-let’s go son. I wanna leave this devil store.” *mumbles while shoving a note into my hands* “This stuff is crap anyway.”

    (The best part? The man and his kid had walked into some off-duty police officers, who found the man had stuffed a bunch of MP3 Players into his top!)

    A Very Moral Figure(ine)

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work at a small, family-owned and operated movie store that also sells various movie/anime merchandise. Lately, we’ve been having trouble with a specific group of kids coming in and stealing from us. I’m currently managing the register when I notice one of the kids in the group entering the store, being pulled in by his mother. She sees me and heads over to my counter. The owner also sees this and heads over towards us.)

    Mother: “I’m really hoping you can help me.”

    (She reaches into her purse, pulls out an anime figurine, and places it on the counter.)

    Mother: “See, I was cleaning my son’s room yesterday when I found this on his desk. I did a little more cleaning and I found its box that had your store’s price tag on it. Despite what he says, I know that I didn’t buy it for him; I believe he stole from you all. So, we’re here to return it and make this right.”

    Me: “I’m happy that you want to do the right thing and all, but unfortunately I’m unable to return opened merchandise, especially without its original packaging.”

    Mother: “Please, you have to take this back. I work two jobs just to pay the bills; I can’t afford this toy nor does he deserve it. There must be some way.”

    Owner: “Ma’am, I appreciate you coming in and trying to do the right thing. I know it wasn’t you who stole from me; it was your son. With all due respect, I don’t believe you should have to waste your hard earned money to fix his mistake. With your permission, I’d like to suggest an alternative solution.”

    (The owner’s solution? Every Saturday for the next two months, that kid came in and ‘volunteered’ to help out around the store. At the end of the two months, he learned a valuable lesson and even paid for the stolen figurine.)

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