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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Never Again

    | Queens, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (I often go to a diner near my apartment that’s popular with bikers, who are as a rule, very courteous customers. However, the number of motorcycles out front often attracts a crowd of what the regulars call ‘wannabes’. These are people with new motorcycles and flashy tattoos that just want to show off.)

    Customer #1: *showing his friends his arm* “Look at this tat, man. Knife through the heart, and then through an eye. I wanted to show that I’m tough and all, but I wanted something new, so I asked him to add the eyeball.”

    Customer #2: “I got an eye, too. It’s on the palm of my hand. Like the monster from that maze movie.”

    Customer #3: “Aw, man. I could never get anything on my hand. That’s gotta hurt like s***.”

    Regular: *to himself* “P***y.”

    (Unfortunately, the three overhear. They jump up and surround the man.)

    Customer #2: “What, you think you’re so tough? You think your tats are so bada** , huh?”

    (This particular customer is in fact ‘so tough’. He looks old, but he’s a retired police officer.)

    Regular: “At least my tattoos have some kind of meaning to them.” *rolling up his sleeve, pointing to tattoos* “Dead kid. Took a gang off the street. Arson.”

    Customer #1: “You murdered a kid?!”

    Regular: “Nope. Showed up when somebody else did.” *rolling up his other sleeve to reveal a badge tattoo* “Because of this.”

    (Realizing he’s a former policeman, the wannabe customers recoil.)

    Customer #3: “Pig!”

    Regular: “If I still had my nightstick I’d—”

    (Suddenly, the owner’s elder mother appears.)

    Elderly Mother: “Ruhe!” *all four turn to stare at her* “Well, that’s what they used to say to us if we made a fuss about our tattoos, you know.”

    Customer #2: “You got a tattoo, lady? What is it, a ball of yarn?”

    (With that, the mother rolls up her sleeve to reveal a concentration camp tattoo.)

    Elderly Mother: “No, just a number.”

    Customer #1: “What does that even—”

    (Customer #2 suddenly realizes what the tattoo means. He immediately drops some cash on the table, grabs his wannabe friends, and heads out the door at a breakneck pace. The regular? He sits there for about ten minutes staring at his own tattoos, before finally finishing his food and leaving… but not before leaving behind a hundred dollar tip.)

    Ice Cream Is The Back Up Plan

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Top, Transportation

    (I work at a charity run property. My job is to greet visitors and, occasionally, help out other departments. Today is unbelievably busy so I’ve been asked to help the car park team. It’s the hottest day of the year.)

    Visitor: *pulls up* “Where to?”

    Me: *points to a free space* “Just over there, please.”

    (The lady drives in that direction, and I look around for a free space for the next car. When I turn around I see that she’s parked in the middle of the exit lane, effectively blocking in everybody else.)

    Me: “Excuse me, Miss? You’re blocking the way there. Can you move your car to that space?”

    Visitor: “I’m not in the way! My son’s got short legs! We need to park here to be closer to the path.”

    Me: “No, please move your car. See…” *points to the lanes we’ve made between cars* “…they all lead here, and you’re blocking the exit.”

    Visitor: “Then make a new exit! I’m not moving!”

    (By now there’s a line of cars waiting to be directed, and I’m getting flustered.)

    Me: “If you’d please just—”

    Visitor #2: “Don’t bother kid, she’s not listening. Hey lady! Move your car or we can’t get through!”

    (Visitor #1 goes red and moves her car to the space I’d pointed out. A few minutes after I park him, Visitor #2 comes over with an ice cream.)

    Visitor #2: “Because ice cream makes everything better!”

    Fuel-Good Moments

    | PEI, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

    (I am working overnight at a gas station when a lady comes in looking very stressed out.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: “I’ve been better. I need gas and I’m hoping my cards work.”

    (She places two credit cards and a debit card on the counter.)

    Me: *looking at the cards* “You had $20 on pump 3, right?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (At this point, I pull my wallet out and pay for her gas.)

    Customer: *tearing up* “Why did you do that?”

    Me: “I’ve been in your shoes and it sucks, so I like to help out whenever I can.”

    Customer: *struggling to hold back tears* “Thank you so so much. I promise to pay you back!”

    Me: “Don’t worry about it, please enjoy the rest of your evening!”

    (A few days later she came back in trying her hardest for me to take the money, but I wouldn’t. She comes in every night talk to me, so I made a new friend!)

    Receipt, Paper, Scissors

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I work as a cashier, and when we have no customers in line we move to the front of the lane to greet people and let them know our lane is open. Another cashier and I are at the front of our lanes chatting when a customer comes up.)

    Other Cashier: “Hi, we are both open and can help.”

    Customer: “Well, which of you wants to help me more?”

    Me: “It doesn’t really matter to us.”

    Customer: “Then how about you fight for the honor of checking out my items. You know; a fight to the death?”

    Other Cashier: “We can’t do that.”

    Me: “Yeah, too much blood. It’s a mess to clean up.”

    Customer: “Fair enough. So, how about rock, paper, scissors?”

    (We agree and play rock paper scissors to see who helps the customer. I ultimately lost, but it made the customer happy and was the highlight of the evening!)

    Fare The Horde

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

    Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

    Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

    (Fed up, I intervene.)

    Me: “That’s you, bro.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

    (I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

    Me:Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

    (Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

    Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”

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