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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Supportive Of Technical Support

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    Technician: “Hello, how may I be of service?”

    Customer: “You’re a technician?”

    Technician: “Yes, sir. I’ve worked here for 3 years. I assure you that I’m qualified to help you with any problems you might have.”

    Customer: “You’re the first female tech I’ve spoken to. You must really be good.”

    Technician: “Thank you.”

    Customer: “Do you ever get nasty comments?”

    Technician: “Unfortunately, yes I do sometimes. I’ve learnt to deal with them.”

    Customer: “Well, they can all stick it where it don’t shine! And if you’re seriously having trouble with a particular guy, let me know and I’ll make sure they’ll regret it!”

    (From then on, this customer always asked for our female technician.)

    Brace(let) Yourself For A Good Cause

    | Reisterstown, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (We sell rubber bracelets in different colors that say one of the following: ‘Be Brave; Be Amazing; Be Kind; Be Accepting, Be Involved; Be Yourself’. When purchased, they donate money to a foundation that prevents bullying of children in school. A mother and her 8-year-old daughter are in the store looking at the bracelets.)

    Daughter: “Mom, can I get one of these?”

    Mom: “Yeah, sure. Which one?”

    Daughter: “I’m not sure. I like all of them. They say such nice things.”

    Mom: “Yeah, they say really nice things, but I don’t like ‘Be Accepting’.”

    Daughter: “Well, why not?”

    Mom: “It sounds lame or something.”

    Me: *gives the mother a dirty look*

    Daughter: *catches on and buys the ‘Be Brave’ bracelet*

    Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m up working the cash register on a slow day, when a teenage boy comes up. He looks to be about 14. He’s sagging his pants, trying to look tough.)

    Customer: “Hey, baby.”

    Me: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: *leans on the counter* “You can get me your number.”

    (I’m 25, and engaged.)

    Me: “Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. Can I help you with anything else?”

    Customer: “Why the f*** not, you stupid b****?!”

    Me: “One: That would be illegal. Two: I am happily engaged. And three: even if I ignore the first two, it’s against company policy.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing b****! You should be happy I want a piece of your a**!”

    (As the customer continues ranting and raving, a woman appears behind him. She reaches out and taps his shoulder twice.)

    Customer: “What the f*** do you want—”

    (He turns around. All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words.)

    Customer: “Hi, mama.”

    (She smacks him across the face.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag! I did not raise you to think you are better than this poor girl!” *she grabs him by the ear, and shoves him against the counter, facing me* “Now, apologize!”

    Customer: “But mom!”

    Customer’s Mom: “Now!”

    (He looks close to tears. He mumbles out how sorry he is, and how it wasn’t fair of him to treat me like a piece of meat. His mom, by his ear, pushes him towards the door.)

    Customer’s Mom: “Go.”

    (He walks out of the store, ready to cry. She turns to me, gives me a huge smile, apologizes again, and even buys me a gift card. Apparently there are some good parents still out there!)

    Don’t Mess With A Browncoat

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule, Top

    (I work in a movie/TV memorabilia store. Most of the stock is sci-fi related. A boy approaches my station.)

    Boy: “Excuse me, you sell stuff like Klingon to English dictionaries, right?”

    Me: “We surely do. There’s two in stock at the moment.”

    Boy: “Okay, so then do you have a dictionary for Firefly to English? I’m like, obsessed with it… I’d like to know what the people are saying when they speak the space language, so I can say I know everything!”

    Me: “Oh, it’s not actually a made-up language. They’re speaking Chinese.”

    Customer: “Eh? They are not. It’s a space language. It’s set way in the future and everyone lives in space. Have you never seen it?”

    Me: “I have indeed. I’m a big fan. I assure you they speak Chinese.”

    (The boy looks surprised and then laughs loudly at me.)

    Boy: “You’re a lassie. Isn’t Firefly more for guys? There’s loads of fighting and stuff. You can’t know that much about it. Why the h*** would space-folk speak Chinese, then?”

    (I pull my keys from my pocket, from which dangles my Serenity spaceship key-ring.)

    Me: “I also own the DVD box-set, the graphic novels, cast posters, 2 t-shirts and several other bits and pieces. I’ve even met Jewel Staite. The characters speak Chinese sometimes because after the war, America and China were the only remaining large power countries, who came together to form The Alliance. The culture-fusion resulted in a mixture of both English and Chinese being the commonly spoken tongues.”

    Boy: “You just made that up. You don’t even know. I know far more than you. Who’s Jewel Staite supposed to be, then?”

    Me: “She’s the actress who plays Kaylee!”

    (A second customer in line who has been listening with interest suddenly pipes up.)

    Customer #2: “I thought you knew everything about the show? Quit being such a tool and let me pay for my stuff already.”

    Boy: “But I just want a Firefly dictionary! This stupid cow won’t help me!”

    Customer #2: “You’ll find a Chinese to English dictionary in any big bookshop. Now if you’ll leave the poor lassie alone, you gorram a**, that’d be shiny!”

    (I can’t help but laugh and the boy flips us both off, then storms out, kicking a display as he goes. I smile at the second customer.)

    Me: “Thanks for that, mate. Always nice to get back-up from a fellow fan.”

    Customer #2: “No problem. That boy was a total sha gua.”

    (I gave the customer a free Firefly keyring like mine for that. Note: ‘sha gua’ is Chinese for ‘fool’.)

    Be Thankful For Little Squirts

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Rude customer: “What do you mean you don’t have any? I order those clams every time!”

    Waitress: “I’m really sorry, but we had a problem with the order and delivery and don’t have any today.”

    Rude customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. Order it right now. Get them from someone else if you have to.”

    Waitress: “Sir, clam dishes are aren’t available today. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Perhaps if I may I suggest another dish?”

    Rude customer: “I don’t care. Get me my clams now!”

    Waitress: “As I’ve already explained—”

    Rude customer: “I want my clams!” *bangs table*

    (Suddenly, a stream of water squirts on him.)

    Rude customer: “What the f*** was that?!”

    (At a nearby table sits a little boy with a water gun.)

    Little boy: “Naughty, naughty, naughty!”

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