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    Category: Awesome Customers

    A Very Moral Figure(ine)

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids

    (I work at a small, family-owned and operated movie store that also sells various movie/anime merchandise. Lately, we’ve been having trouble with a specific group of kids coming in and stealing from us. I’m currently managing the register when I notice one of the kids in the group entering the store, being pulled in by his mother. She sees me and heads over to my counter. The owner also sees this and heads over towards us.)

    Mother: “I’m really hoping you can help me.”

    (She reaches into her purse, pulls out an anime figurine, and places it on the counter.)

    Mother: “See, I was cleaning my son’s room yesterday when I found this on his desk. I did a little more cleaning and I found its box that had your store’s price tag on it. Despite what he says, I know that I didn’t buy it for him; I believe he stole from you all. So, we’re here to return it and make this right.”

    Me: “I’m happy that you want to do the right thing and all, but unfortunately I’m unable to return opened merchandise, especially without its original packaging.”

    Mother: “Please, you have to take this back. I work two jobs just to pay the bills; I can’t afford this toy nor does he deserve it. There must be some way.”

    Owner: “Ma’am, I appreciate you coming in and trying to do the right thing. I know it wasn’t you who stole from me; it was your son. With all due respect, I don’t believe you should have to waste your hard earned money to fix his mistake. With your permission, I’d like to suggest an alternative solution.”

    (The owner’s solution? Every Saturday for the next two months, that kid came in and ‘volunteered’ to help out around the store. At the end of the two months, he learned a valuable lesson and even paid for the stolen figurine.)

    Taming The Feral Customers

    | Bristol, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in the Petting Corner are of the zoo, where twice a week we show the new arrivals and the young animals. Today, we have a young tiger cub who has not once attacked as he is quite tame. We have an experienced tiger handler, who is from another branch of our zoo. It’s mostly kids that come to pet the tiger, but some adults seem to love him too.)

    Me: “…and here we have the young tiger cub, Jumanji, who comes here twice a week! Now, don’t be shy, he’s tame, and we have our experienced tiger handler Tom on hand! All of you who would like to pet him, please make a queue.”

    (I turn to Tom, the tiger handler.)

    Me: “Tom, can you hold him in your lap?”

    (I move away to make preparations for the next part of Petting Corner. As I do this, a young man with his son pushes ahead, knocking over several young kids. A concerned mother speaks up.)

    Mother: “Hey! How dare you! My son has been waiting in line and you barged in?!”

    Man: “Shut the f*** up, you b****! Go on, son. Pet the tiger!”

    Son: “Yay!” *starts jabbing the tiger in the ribs* “This tiger isn’t doing anything!”

    Me: “Stop that! The tiger is getting angry! Don’t jab him!”

    (At this point, I’m running to him to stop him, and Tom is trying to shield the tiger’s ribs from him. The tiger tries to scratch the brat, but nicks Tom slightly instead.)

    Man: “This tiger isn’t tame at all! My son could have been scratched! I want compensation!”

    Me: *angry* “You won’t get any! I demand you get out of this zoo, now!”

    (I turn to the kids, trying to be calm as possible.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the tiger will be back next week.”

    Man: *screaming* “DON’T LISTEN! THE TIGER IS DANGEROUS!”

    Mother: “Almost as dangerous as you!”

    (Suddenly, the mother puts the man in a choke hold—yes, a choke hold—and pins him with the help of the other parents.)

    Mother: “Call security!”

    (Afterwards, the man was arrested and they were both banned for life. The people who helped got 12-month passes for their assistance!)

    Bags Of Laughs

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s been a long night, with a higher than average number of annoying customers. A couple comes through the till.)

    Wife: “Oh, no. Don’t put the chips with the pop! It’ll get crushed.”

    Husband: “Geez, don’t put the chips with the bread.”

    Wife: “Oh, and keep the pickles away from the cans.”

    Husband: “Can you double bag everything?”

    (I finally sort through their numerous demands, they pay and leave. The next customer and last in line is buying just a few things, and has listened to the previous conversation.)

    Customer: “Oh… can you put the bacon in a separate bag from the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Oh, and can you separate the chips and pop?”

    (I do.)

    Customer: “Can you double bag everything? It’s all pretty heavy, you know.”

    (I stare, not sure if he’s serious.)

    Customer: “And, can you put the receipt in a separate bag?”

    (I smile at this point, and he laughs; it’s clear he was just joking. Everything goes in one bag. From this point on, ‘put the receipt in a separate bag’ becomes a euphemism for anyone making a series of ridiculous requests.)

    How Quickly People Change

    , | Hilo, HI, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (I am working the cash register at a popular Tex-Mex chain. I am serving a customer who has been kind of rude, and seems like he is in a huge hurry. I have tried to be as pleasant and quick as possible.)

    Me: “So, your total is $34.”

    Customer: “Can you guys take tips?”

    Me: “No, I wish.”

    Customer: “Okay. Here. I’ll give you this $50, and just… um… forget my change.”

    (He did. He walks out leaving me the remainder, about $16!)

    Conan The Contrarian

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

    Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

    Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

    (She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)

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