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  • Category: Awesome Customers

    Cash-Back It Forward

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    Customer: “Looks like I’ll need cash back today.”

    (The customer opens his wallet. It’s empty.)

    Me: *laughs* “Oh, I know how that is.” *joking* “But I never even have the cash to get back.”

    (The customer gets $40 in cash back. I hand him two twenties.)

    Me: “Twenty and forty, have a good day, sir!”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (He walks off a moment, then turns around and tosses one of the twenties I handed him onto the register.)

    Customer: “A little cash back for you.” *smiles*

    (Before I can protest, he leaves. I wound up using that $20 to fill my gas tank. Thank you, sir!)

    There’s No Reason We Can’t Be Civil

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (I am a Civil War re-enactor. I am returning home from an event, still in my full Union uniform, and I make a quick stop at a major computer store. On this day people are being distracted by an angry customer who is throwing a loud fit. He is complaining that the store doesn’t carry a transmitter for his 40-year-old receiver.)

    Customer: “I’ve been shuffled from one store after another to find this part! I can’t believe you don’t carry it! You’re all just a bunch of f***ing nerds caught up in your modern computers! You’re just trying to talk me into buying a computer, but I’m not having anything to do with that!”

    Employee: “Sir, I promise you that I’m not trying to get you to buy a computer. But if you’re looking for an outdated part, we can try and find it for you online.”

    Customer: “That’s bulls***. You’ll look stuff up online, steal my credit card information and make me buy a computer! I’m on to you a**holes and the way you use your nerd skills to rip people off and spy on them! I’m not having anything to do with your modern bulls*** technology!”

    (I finally step up next to the customer and loudly speak to the employee.)

    Me: *to the employee* “I’m sorry, does this mean you can’t help me fix my telegraph?”

    (The angry customer turns and gives me a sharp look. His face flushes between surprise and confusion as he sees me in my Civil War uniform, but as he opens his mouth to continue, most everyone surrounding us starts laughing. He turns red and storms out of the store.)

    Employee: *to me* “God bless the Army of the Potomac!”

    Drunk But Orderly

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers

    (I work as a bouncer at a bar in a small Illinois college town. On the busier weekend nights there are cops stationed in the bar district. Sometimes, they just sit and talk with the various bouncers, asking how their nights are going and watching for drunks. As I’m out at the exit door talking with one, he is telling me that it has been a slow night for the police with no real problems. Just then, a patron stumbles out of my door with a beer bottle in his hand.)

    Me: “Sir, you can’t bring your beer outside of the bar. Could you please go back inside with it?”

    Customer: “Why don’t you f*** off! You can’t do s*** to me!”

    (Before I can say anything, the cop, who is next to me but out of view of the customer, steps out and addresses him in a non-threatening but very deep tone.)

    Cop: “I advise you do what this man says. He may not be able to harm you, but I can. And I would love for you to give me an excuse to arrest you.”

    (The customer looks as for a moment he is going to take a swing at the cop, but reconsiders his actions.)

    Customer: “Perhaps I should go back inside.” *hurries back inside*

    Cop: *turns to me* “I was really hoping he would make a move. Then I’d finally get to do something fun tonight!”

    Coffee, Strong, And Proud

    | Concord, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (Note: during the course of this conversation the customer uses several degrading terms for people of Middle-Eastern and African descent.)

    Customer #1: *slaps a $10 bill on the counter* “I’ll have a pack of [racial slur] delights.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer #1: “You know, [different racial slur] specials! You know, the cigarettes the [yet another racial slur] make!”

    Me: “You mean Camels?”

    Customer #1: “That’s what I said I wanted, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Not even close. You used several highly offensive racial slurs, but not once did you ask for a pack of cigarettes.”

    Customer #1: “Whatever. Just get me the f***ing cigarettes!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m exercising my right to refuse you service. The door’s right over there, have a nice day!”

    Customer #1: “You’re kidding, right? What the f*** is your problem?”

    Me: “It’s simple, really. If someone is bothering other customers, I am required to kick them out of the store. Your crude and abusive language is clearly bothering the customers in line behind you, so there you go. Goodbye.”

    Customer #1: “What the f*** is wrong with you! What’s wrong with calling a [slur] a [slur]? They’re all f***ing [slurs], and you’re all a bunch of f***ing b****ds. You hear me? You’re all—”

    (At this point Customer #1 turns around to yell at the other people in line, but cuts off as he catches sight of the customer right behind him. Customer #2 is a male African-American that could accurately be described as ‘terrifyingly enormous’. It should also be noted that one of the slurs Customer #1 has been using was aimed at African-Americans.)

    Customer #1: “Whoa, man. I said ‘sand [slur]‘. I don’t have any problem with you!”

    Customer #2: *stares down at Customer #1* “Lemme see if I’ve got this right. You’re a loud-mouthed, ignorant, bigoted a**hole, but that shouldn’t bother me because you don’t have a problem with me specifically?”

    Customer #1: “Uh, yes?”

    Customer #2: “Uh, no. The nice man behind the counter asked you to leave the store. I suggest you do so before I decide you need some help getting through the door.”

    (Customer #1 immediately flees out the door, allowing Customer #2 to put his four coffees on the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Just the coffees, my friend.”

    Me: “Dude, the look on that guy’s face was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. For that, and for helping me out, your coffee is on me.”

    (The next day I told my manager what happened. After reviewing the security tapes (and laughing for a good 20 minutes) she gave me a nearly half a box of free coffee vouchers to give Customer #2. When I quit two years later, he still hadn’t run out of them.)

    Real Superheroes Are In The Running

    | Kissimiee, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I am part of a charity group that dresses up like superheroes. We are attending a 5k run to benefit a children’s charity, cheering on over 1000 runners. The guys dressed as Superman and the Flash agreed to run the first fifth of the race.)

    Batgirl cosplayer: “There’s Superman!”

    Superman cosplayer: “Hey guys. Lost Flash back there… so, we’re near the finish line?”

    Me: “There’s the finish line.”

    Superman cosplayer: “Nice!”

    Route supervisor: “First runner coming!”

    (We all start cheering and clapping, like we are supposed to.)

    Superman cosplayer: “Oh, thank god it’s him!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Superman cosplayer: “When Flash and I were lining up, a bunch of the ‘professional’ runners shoved us out of the way so we wouldn’t slow down their start. One of the runners told them to back off.”

    (We all cheer loudly as we see the heroic runner cross the finish line for a first place finish.)

    Superman cosplayer: “And here come some more ‘pros’. Wait, what the…”

    (Running with the ‘professionals’ is a boy who looks about eight. As the event is about kids, we cheer him instead. He beats half of them!)

    Me: “You go kiddo! You beat the Flash!”

    (Both the first place finisher and the little boy came back to thank us for cheering them on. It was awesome!)

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