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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Fare The Horde

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Money, Top, Transportation

    (On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

    Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

    Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

    (Fed up, I intervene.)

    Me: “That’s you, bro.”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

    (I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

    Me:Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

    Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

    (Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

    Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”

    From Very Important To Very Impotent

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (I am a customer in line at a convenience store. Customer #1, the lady in front of me in line, is complaining loudly about everything, from the slow service (which wasn’t slow at all) to the way the young clerk is dressed. Finally, Customer #2, the man in front of her, turns around.)

    Customer #2: “I’m sorry if I’m being forward, ma’am, but, may I ask your name?”

    Customer #1: *proudly states her name*

    Customer #2: *relieved sigh* “Oh, thank God! Don’t scare me like that, lady!”

    Customer #1: “…What do you mean?”

    Customer #2: “For a minute there, I thought you were someone who’s opinion mattered! Now I know you’re just a windbag I can safely ignore!”

    (Customer #1 didn’t make a sound until she left!)

    A (Po)Lite Snack

    | NM, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (The theater I work at is cheap; the tickets are roughly half-price of the regular theaters. We get a lot of families, children and seniors, but have recently had a rash of extremely rude children. I’m working concession when a young boy—about 7 years old—comes up with his Mother. He takes a long time reviewing the menu and prices, so I ask him if I can help.)

    Boy: “I need to buy snacks, please. I have $9.”

    Me: “$9 is a great amount! Let’s see what we can get for you.”

    Boy: “Hmmm. May I have a water, please?”

    Me: “Of course, but if you’d like, I could sell you a cup instead. The water is $2.50; the cup is $0.25 and you can refill it as much as you’d like.”

    (He agrees to get the ice cup, and starts counting his money on the counter.)

    Boy: “Ma’am? Thank you for your suggestion about the cup!”

    (Stunned that this small child is so polite and well-spoken, I turn around to see if his mom is coaching him. She’s not.)

    Me: “You’re very welcome, young man! What else may I get for you?”

    (The boy thinks a little at this point, looking at the candy case.)

    Boy: “Every month I take my mom on a date. I already took her to dinner, then we got ice cream, and now I’m taking her to a movie! I need to make sure I treat her right!”

    Me: “That’s so thoughtful! You are a wonderful son, and a very polite young man!”

    Boy: “I love my mom. She’s the best!” *smiles*

    (Moved by his thoughtfulness, his manners, and his absolutely charming smile, I decide to help him out a bit.)

    Me: “Okay, here you are: your cup, a popcorn and a candy. It’ll be $3.25.”

    Boy: *confused look* “Okay?”

    (He hands me $4 after I assure him that his total is $3.25, so I start ringing him up.)

    Boy: “Ma’am? Can you keep the change for yourself as a tip?”

    (My heart melts at this. I did keep the change, but I put it toward the remaining $3.25 I hadn’t charged him, and then covered the rest out of my own pocket. He thanked me again and walked off hand-in-hand with his mom. All of the employees were tickled to see this little boy on his ‘date’ with Mom, and were very glad we were able help by paying for part of his concession but also get to let him feel like a grown-up by paying for part of his snacks. Later, as he’s leaving, I see him putting his trash into the can in the lobby. He sees me and begins to wave.)

    Boy: *waving* “Have a very good night!”

    These Customers Are Mostly Harmless

    | Western Australia, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    Me: “Good evening, welcome to [pizza store]. How can I help you this evening?”

    Customer: “Just a Meat Lover’s on the regular base, thanks.”

    Me: “Not a problem. It should be ready in ten to fifteen minutes. Can I just have a name for the order?”

    Customer: *politely* “No.”

    Me: “…Sorry?”

    Customer: “It doesn’t matter, does it?”

    (The customer’s friend looks a bit annoyed at the customer, like he’s done this before, but doesn’t offer a name either.)

    Me: “Well, it’s busy tonight and I may not be the one giving out the pizza, so if there isn’t a name they may not know whose pizza it is.”

    Customer: “I just don’t want my name on the computer.”

    Me: “Well, I could put a fake name down instead?”

    Customer: *rolls his eyes, and then replies* “Fine, just put down Slartibartfast.

    Me: “…Slartibartfast?”

    Customer: “I told you it didn’t matter!”

    (He then walks off before I can reply to his name; I’m a huge fan of Douglas Adams myself. When his pizza comes out, I call out his name.)

    Me: “Slartibartfast and the hoopy frood Zaphod Beeblebrox?”

    (Both men laugh as they collect the pizza. The next time they came back, it was a pizza for Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect!)

    Height Trumps Hate

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Military, Rude & Risque, Top

    (My younger brother has come to town to visit me. I take him to the bar I work at for a few drinks and to meet my friends there. A regular customer who has been hitting on me for months comes in and sees us sitting together in one of the booths.)

    Customer: *tries to look down my shirt* “Huh, and I thought after all this time you were a f***ing lesbian. Or is this f** your beard?”

    Me: “I’m not working tonight. Go bother someone else.”

    (The customer slides into the booth next to me, and tries to put his arm around my shoulders.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you send your f** boyfriend off to get some beer and we can have a nice talk?”

    (Note that my brother has been sitting slouched in the booth, concealing his size.)

    Brother: “Why don’t you take your hands off of her and f*** off?”

    (The customer springs out of the booth and stands near my brother in a really stupid looking ‘karate’ pose.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you make me, you f***ing f**?! Huh?! Why don’t you make me?”

    Brother: “Okay…”

    (As he starts to slowly get out of the booth, the customer realizes his mistake. The customer is maybe 5’8″, while my brother looms over a foot taller than him at 6’9″. My brother grabs him by collar and belt and throws him out.)

    Brother: “And it’s Sergeant, not f**, if you don’t mind!”

    (I love my little brother.)

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