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    Category: Awesome Customers

    An Order Of Ice And Fire

    , | Hattiesburg, MS, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am ordering food through the drive-thru:)

    Carhop: “Here’s your hot fudge sundae. Sorry, it’s a bit melted.”

    Me: “That’s fine.”

    Carhop: “And here’s your molten cake sundae. Sorry, it’s a bit melted as well.”

    Me: “Well, it’s got hot fudge.”

    Carhop: “Yeah, but people complain a lot that the ice cream doesn’t look a certain way.”

    Me: *sarcastically* “How dare you mix hot and cold because I ordered it!”

    Two Thumbs Up

    | Houston, TX, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I have gone to the DMV to get a Texas driver’s license. They have an electronic fingerprinting machine that has a digital display to tell you what fingers go where and when. The woman helping me and I have the following conversation:)

    Employee: “Please put your four left fingers on the screen.”

    (I do so, and while she’s typing, the digital display changes to show me what fingers to use next. I move my fingers to mirror the display.)

    Employee: “But— what? Did you just change that on your own?”

    Me: “Yes? The pictures changed to the next step.”

    Employee: “But people never follow the directions. They never do it on their own.”

    (Then, after she takes my picture:)

    Employee: “Here, you can see what your picture is going to look like, since you can follow directions. Let me know if you want me to retake it.”

    (Best DMV experience ever!)

    Don’t Always Have To Scream For Ice-Cream

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a busy night in the drive thru. I am trying desperately to catch up on the significant line, and the previous customer had asked for directions at the window after receiving her food. We sometimes miscalculate and get our dessert items ready too early, so the next customer’s ice cream is getting a little ‘melty.’ I know I should re-scoop it, but the line is so long and I hope she won’t mind.)

    Me: “Here’s your ice cream. [Price], please.”

    Customer: “I don’t mean to be a b****, as I know it’s not your fault they asked for directions, but could you re-scoop this for me?”

    Me: *ashamed* “Of course. I’m sorry.”

    (I get her a new one. She produces a $10 bill.)

    Customer: “Can you break this ten into two fives for me?”

    Me: “Here you are.”

    Customer:  *only takes one of the bills* “That one’s for you! Thanks for getting me a new ice cream!”

    Me: *astounded* “Thank you so much!”

    Just Made Her (Mother’s) Day

    | Milford, CT, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am a hostess, and this story happens the Friday before Mother’s Day. I am standing at the register at the entrance to the restaurant when a gentleman in his early 40s who had been dining alone approaches me.)

    Customer: “Do I pay up here?”

    Me: “Oh! No, sir, you pay with your waitress. Let me grab her for you.”

    (I go to the back and bring the waitress up to the front with me.)

    Customer: *to waitress* “So, my bill was $18?”

    Waitress: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Do you have a family?”

    Waitress: “Uh… yes.”

    Customer: “You have kids?”

    Waitress: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, then. This is for my check.” *hands coworker a $20 bill* “… and this is for you.” *hands coworker a $50 bill* “Happy Mother’s Day!”

    (At this point, the customer leaves before the waitress can even say ‘thank you.’)

    Waitress: *to me* “I think I’m gonna cry.”

    Russian Into Things

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests

    (One evening a very obviously young teenager (15 or 16) comes in and tries to buy a pornographic magazine. After I inform him I can’t sell to him without seeing an ID he sticks around and starts chatting me up. I am a very tall woman in my mid-twenties while he was very short and petite.)

    Kid: “You know, the main reason I wanted to buy a magazine is because I’ve been deprived of the company of women for most of my life. You see…” *he leans up against the counter, looks around the room and says in a stage whisper* “…I was trained from birth in a Russian compound to be a deadly assassin.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Go on…”

    Kid: “I’m the best there is at the trade. I became the youngest secret KGB agent.”

    Me: “The KGB actually hasn’t existed for several years now.”

    Kid: *nodding gravely* “That’s because I took them all out when I went rogue. Since then I’ve been freelancing. But now that I have more money than I know what to do with, I’ve been thinking about getting out of the game. You know, finding a beautiful woman and settling down in my French chateau. What do you say? Want me to take you away from all this?”

    Me: *having serious trouble keeping a straight face* “That’s very sweet. But aren’t I a little too old for you? Not to mention I’m nearly two feet taller.”

    Kid: “That’s okay. That’s the way we like ‘em in Russia!”

    Me: “Kid, you are one cocky little s***. If you weren’t underage I’d buy you a drink.”

    Kid: “Well, if you come with me we can go to a country where the legal drinking age is much lower. You know, in Russia I’ve already reached the age of consent. If you get my drift…”

    Me: “Thanks, but I’m afraid I’ll have to pass.”

    Kid: *sigh* “Oh well it, was worth a try. Do svidaniya!”

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