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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Last Name Last Thought

    | Franklin, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

    (I’ve worked retail for years, but this is my turn at being the clueless customer. This store can look up your membership card with your name and phone number. I am currently wearing my name tag, which has only my first name on it.)

    Associate: “Oh, you work at [Other Store]. You must know [Coworker], who used to work here!”

    Me: “Oh, yeah, [Coworker]‘s great! Oh, I have a membership card, but I don’t have it on me.”

    Associate: “What’s your last name?”

    Me: “I’m not sure… [My Name], I think.”

    Associate: “…”

    Me: “Oh, my God, I’m sorry! I thought you were asking for [Coworker]‘s last name! Sorry! Do I win the award today?”

    Associate: “Not even the strangest thing that’s happened today.”

    A Real Humdinger Of A Solution

    | Bryan, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Top

    (Even though I don’t work in this store anymore, I still have friends that do. I am there getting fabric with my daughter. The fabric area is in the middle of the store. We start to hear a bell ringing on the other side of the store. Every 30 seconds the bell rings, and goes on for a good five minutes.)

    Employee: *looking at me* “He doesn’t even bother to look up, just keeps hitting it!”

    Me: *calling across the store* “He is busy. He will be with you in a moment!”

    (The customer just looks at me, and dings the bell more. This time, he doesn’t stop, and just keeps hitting the bell for a solid two minutes. At this point, I’m angry, I have a headache, and the employee is too nice to do anything rude, so I walk across the store, and grab the bell right out from under the customer’s hand.)

    Me: *holding the bell* “I said he was busy.”

    Customer: “HEY! You took my DINGER!”

    Me: *walking away* “Yes. I am now in possession of your ‘dinger.’”

    (The employee is trying to hide his laughter as I come walking back with the bell in my hand. The customer is following me and yelling the whole time.)

    Customer: “I demand service! I’ve been here before and I want someone to help me!”

    Me: You will get help as soon as he is available to help you. He is busy with me right now.”

    Employee: “Sir, I’m the only person on this half of the store, everyone else is on break. If you can just wait a moment, when I’m done with her I will come help you!”

    Customer: *looking at me* “What is your name?!”

    Me: “[My Name]. I’m not sure why that matters to you.”

    Customer: “I’m talking to your manager!”

    Me: “I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Then why did you take my dinger!”

    Me: “Because you pissed me off!”

    Customer: “I have the right to ding the dinger!”

    Me: “Yes, you do! But you abused that right! So I have now banned you. BANNED!”

    (He storms off. About 10 minutes later, he comes back with a manager.)

    Customer: “HER! See, her! She is the one that took my dinger!”

    Manager: “Sir, I do not know this woman. She doesn’t work here.”

    Customer: “She was rude to me!”

    Manager: “Sir, she has that right.”

    Customer: “I demand you fire her!”

    Manager: “Sir, seriously, I do not know who she is. She doesn’t work here!”

    (The customer stomps away. The manager looks at me and laughs as she starts talking.)

    Manager: “He told me he wanted to complain about a customer, and I didn’t believe a customer would complain about another customer! I’m so sorry! He is always so rude, but this is a new low even for him!”

    Me: “It’s all good. I did what I know everyone has always wanted to do, and it felt soooo right!”

    Please Be Civil To Partnerships

    | Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

    Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

    Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

    (At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

    Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

    (She pays and flounces away.)

    Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

    Me: “Thank you! I will!”

    (Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

    Two Sides Of The Same Very Reasonable Coin

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    (Two different customers approach me at the same time to ask for help.)

    Customers #1 & #2: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Yes, how may I help you?”

    (I soon realize that the customers have no relation to each other, as they ask me for help in two completely different departments.)

    Me: “Hmm, how should I do this? Who do I help first?”

    (Judging by their body language, neither customer wants to back down. So I reach into my pocket and pull out a coin.)

    Me: “All right, we’ll do it this way. Heads or tails?”

    Customer #1: “Heads!”

    Customer #2: “Guess that makes me tails, then.”

    (I flip the coin, and it lands tails.)

    Customer #2: “Yes!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s go. And sir, I’ll be with you as soon as I’m done with her.”

    Customer #1: “Fair enough.”

    (I wish more customers were that easy to deal with!)

    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 5

    | Portland, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    Me: *to a customer that has just walked in* “Hi, there! Go ahead and sit anywhere you like!”

    Customer: “Can we sit outside?”

    Me: “That certainly qualifies!”

    Related:
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 4
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
    Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2

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