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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Category: Awesome Customers

    Hopefully, That’ll Be The End Of That Customer

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

    Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10 pound shank.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

    (I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her and unwrap the foil.)

    Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

    (I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

    Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

    (I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

    Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

    (This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. Customer #2, a man standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

    Customer #1: “What is with this place! All these hams have fat!”

    (Customer #2 finally snaps.)

    Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

    Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

    Me: “Well yes, ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

    Customer #1: “Oh my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

    (She storms out, and Customer #2 steps up to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”

    Reminder: Awesome Customers Themed Story Giveaway

    | Not Always Right | Announcements, Awesome Customers, Theme Of The Month
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    The Drive To Do Good

    | Woodbridge, VA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Religion, Transportation

    (I am a habitual rider of the local transit system that covers DC metro and northern VA. I board the bus to see a rider verbally assaulting the bus driver.)

    Rider: “I don’t care about your timeline route. You were supposed to go to [street] to drop me off 45 minutes ago. That last driver missed my stop and your operator assured me I would be home on this bus by 6:25!”

    Driver: “Ma’am, I cannot directly deviate from my route until I’m closer to your stop. To deviate now would be to leave any other potential riders along the route stranded in the cold. I am truly sorry that you are having a bad evening due to a coworker, and I’ll do what I can.”

    Rider: “Do what you can?! Do I look like the normal low-element that ride this bus? I am an educated woman with a job working for the federal government. Do look like I’m another one of your lowlife un-educated passengers?”

    Driver: “Ma’am, I am a faithful man, and I know that God doesn’t give you us more than we can handle. For every negative that happens, he provides a positive. It is my prayer that when you get home tonight that you have a present evening.”

    (This quiets her down considerably after that. Before I got off I handed him a note I wrote him with a $10 bill in it that read…)

    “Sir.

    Yours is one of the hardest jobs in the county. It good to know that you are a man of faith, and you’re right about God balancing the books, but until then here’s a down payment on some fortune for you.”

    Give The Beneficent The Benefit Of The Doubt

    | Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s a few days before Valentine’s Day, so there are a lot of rush orders for flowers. One of our usual customers, Ben, is an elderly man who isn’t mentally healthy, but he’s a sweet man who doesn’t bother anyone. He’s decided to buy 100 roses and stand outside to hand them out to women, young and old alike.)

    Female Customer #1: “I want your manager.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am…”

    (I call for my manager, who arrives shortly.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Female Customer #1: “There’s a drunk outside accosting women. I want to know what kind of store lets drunkards stand around like that to bother ladies. He’s standing out there slurring and making sexual comments to everyone.”

    (As she explains this, another female customer with her daughter has been standing nearby. After she finishes, the second female customer interjects.)

    Female Customer #2: “I hope you don’t mean Ben.”

    Female Customer #1: “Who the f*** asked you?”

    Female Customer #2: *to my manager* “Ben isn’t doing anything at all. This lady here asked for two flowers and started hitting him with her purse when he only gave her one.”

    Female Customer #1: “You f***ing liar! You’re just some godless w****!”

    Manager: “Lady, if getting a d*** flower for Valentine’s Day pisses you off this much, I feel sorry for the poor b*****d who gets in a relationship with you. Get out of my store and don’t come back.”

    (The manager brought Ben in, who was in tears and confused. However, he cheered up when he received some very nice comments from other customers as well as a free meal from my manager.)

    No Kidding About The Kid

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (A customer is loudly talking on her phone while ignoring her young son. He’s already thrown his jacket to the floor and has run around the store several times, bumping into other customers. Suddenly the boy grabs a cake server off the shelf and begins waving it around in the air making light-saber noises.)

    Me: “Honey, be careful with that. I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt.”

    Customer #1: “Brian!”

    (The little boy drops the cake server then begins stomping around the store once again.)

    Customer #1: *to the phone* “So yeah, these ones have butterflies on them.”

    (The little boy seizes this opportunity to run behind the counter and begin messing with the engraving machines. I immediately pick him up and place him next to his mother.)

    Me: “Here, honey. Stay with your mom.”

    Customer #1: “DON’T TOUCH MY BABY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, he could have seriously hurt himself. We work with dangerous equipment.”

    Customer #1: “I can’t believe you would touch my son! How dare you!”

    (At this point, I’m biting my tongue to keep from telling her off when another customer interjects.)

    Customer #2: “Lady, if you would get off the d*** phone and watch your brat this nice woman wouldn’t have to save his life!”

    Customer #1: “I’ll never shop here again!” *to me* “There has to be a law against molesting children like that! I’ll make sure you lose your job for this!” *storms out*

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