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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Bohemian Medicine

    | NV, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Health & Body, Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. There are about 10 people who have been waiting for at least 90 minutes. It’s very quiet. A young man mumbles something. Some people look his way, but other than that no one pays much attention to him. He then starts singing, a little louder…)

    Young Man: “Put a gun against his head…”

    (Some people chuckle.)

    Young Man: “Pulled my trigger…”

    (The young woman sitting across from him joins in.)

    Young Woman: “…now he’s dead.”

    Old Man: “Mama, life had just begun…”

    Young man: “But now I’ve gone and thrown it all awaaaay…”

    All Three: “Mama, oooooooh! Didn’t mean to make you cry!”

    Teenage Girl: “If I’m not back again this time tomorrow…”

    All: “…carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters!”

    (By now, everyone in the waiting room has joined in.)

    All: “Too late, my time has come! Send shivers down my spine, body’s achin’ all the time!”

    (They finish the refrain just as the doctor calls his next patient. Needless to say, that little impromptu performance really brightened my day!)

    Been To Hell(‘s Angels) And Back

    | WA, USA | Awesome Customers, History, Top

    (Our theatre has a lecture series where authors give presentations. One presenter is a Holocaust survivor. I am very surprised to see a large and stereotypical ‘biker’ come in. He has a leather vest, sleeveless shirt, tattoos, and a beard. As the holocaust survivor is presenting, two teenage boys are being very rowdy and whispering to each other.)

    Boy #1: “God! When the f*** is this going to be over?”

    Boy #2: “I don’t know. Can we just go now?”

    (They stand up, and attempt to leave. The biker stands up, removes his sunglasses, and addresses the teens.)

    Biker: “Listen here you little s***. This sweet little old lady has gone through more s*** then you ever will in your life. I advise you to sit your little punk-a** down, and pay her the respect she deserves.”

    (The boys sit down, intimidated. The biker receives a round of applause and a hug from the lecturer. I refund his ticket, and offer him free entrance to all our lectures. He’s been to each and every one since.)

    Sold-Out Flip-Out

    | MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Technology, Top

    (We have started carrying a very popular toy line. We run out as soon as each shipment comes in.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, I’d like to pick up [newest figure in the line], for my son.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; we’re sold out of that one right now. We have another shipment coming in tomorrow. If you’d like to call in the morning, you can check then.”

    Customer #1: “F****** ridiculous! Do you idiots think that this is a proper business model? I know that you have tons of them in the back room. You just put them out a few at a time to create demand!”

    Me: “Trust me! With how fast this series is selling, we would put them on the shelves the moment we could.”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, whatever. And they’re more expensive here than at [competing toy chain] anyway. Also, your displays are too confusing. And these video game displays are nothing but naked girls and guns! This place is disgusting! What message are you trying to send?!”

    (Another customer intervenes.)

    Customer #2: “This is a nation-wide company with thousands of stores. He’s standing behind the cash register on Tuesday night. No offense to him, but even if there was a corporate-wide toy conspiracy, does he look like he’d be in on it?”

    Customer #1: “Still, I’m just… whatever. Idiotic place!”

    (Customer #1 leaves in a huff.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t mean to imply that you’re not important.”

    Me: “Oh, you don’t have to apologize. That made my night. Would you like a free poster?”

    I Should Be So Ducky

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Money

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]! How can I help you?”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes. I’ll have a small hamburger, a small fry, and a small coffee, for here, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Would you like cream and sugar with your coffee?”

    Elderly Customer: “Of course. Two cream, and two sugar, please.”

    Me: “Your total is $[total].”

    (The Elderly Customer hands me more than enough to cover the meal.)

    Elderly Customer: “Keep the change.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to take tips.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? What’s this world coming to! Customers should be allowed to tip for good service.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, sir. Here’s your food. Is there anything else that you would like?”

    Elderly Customer: “No, thanks.”†

    (He takes his food off to the lobby. A short while later, he’s back at my register.)

    Me: “Did you need a refill on your coffee, sir?”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I refill his coffee. When I return with his cup, he takes it, smiles at me, and leaves the store. Sitting on the counter where he was standing, is a small balloon duck. The duck has a note.)

    Note: “This isn’t a tip; he’s a gift. I hope that he brings a smile to your face.”

    Guessing Is A Whiskey Business

    | UK | Awesome Customers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (An elderly customer comes in. I’ve never seen him before in nearly two years of working there.)

    Customer: “I’d like a bottle of whiskey, please.”

    Me: “Okay, which one would you like?”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know…”

    (I step to the side so he has a better view of the whiskey, but he just continues to stare at me. A few seconds pass…)

    Me: “Have you decided?”

    (The customer becomes irate.)

    Customer: “No, I haven’t decided! I was waiting for you to tell me!”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “I was waiting for you to tell me what I want.”

    (I start listing the brands and prices for each bottle.)

    Customer: “No! I don’t care about any of that! Just tell me what I want!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not sure what size bottle you’re after, or brand, or even how much money you have on you.”

    Customer: “USELESS! You lot are supposed to be here to help. I don’t know why I bothered coming here! Every time I come here, you lot never help me! You’re all USELESS!”

    (He storms out the shop. I begin to serve the next customer.)

    Customer #2: “Well, that was weird! Anyway, I’d like some wine please.”

    Me: “Okay, would you like any wine in particular?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t know, red wine? Can’t you just tell me what I want?! You’re so useless! WHY WON’T YOU JUST READ MY MIND AND TELL ME WHAT I WANT?! DO I EVEN LIKE RED WINE?!”

    (He pretends to storm out the shop. That guy never fails to cheer us up!)

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