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    Category: Awesome Customers

    The Hitchhiker’s Guide To Diplomacy

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Language & Words, One-Liners, Top

    (A customer in his early 20′s is ranting at the front of the bookstore. He’s speaking as if he’s much older than he is. His rant is about kids nowadays not reading as much. There are no other customers, so it’s policy to let him vent. I smile politely to everything he’s saying, since he’s not being a bother.)

    Male Customer: “…they just don’t understand the beauty of holding a book in their hands, smelling the pages and reading tales of epic proportion! Kids these days just want to stand around listening to crap music. No wonder they’re getting dumber.”

    Me: “We get a few teenagers coming in the store, though.”

    Male Customer: “I bet they’re just picking up crap like Twilight. They’d never read proper books.”

    (A customer walks in as he’s saying this. I recognise her from a few days ago, when she ordered a book. She’s about 16, very blonde, and very clearly one of the popular girls.)

    Female Customer: “Hi, I ordered a book. I just want to check if it has come in? It’s under [name].”

    Male Customer: *mutters* “This is exactly what I was talking about.”

    Female Customer: “Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?”

    Male Customer: “I was just saying that kids like you have no interest in reading. If you do, it’s all crap.”

    Female Customer: “If I had no interest in reading, why would I be in a bookstore? And who cares what others think of a book, so long as you enjoy it? That’s all that matters, right?”

    Male Customer: “Whatever, go on, pick up your crappy little Twilight.”

    Female Customer: “For your information, I ordered John Green’s Looking for Alaska. I did not like Twilight at all.”

    Male Customer: “Yeah, as if.”

    Female Customer: “”War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” George Orwell, 1984. That last line is something you ought to think about before opening your rude mouth!”

    Me: “She certainly knows her stuff.”

    (I hand her the book she ordered, making sure the male customer sees the cover. She pays and walks away, but turns back around before she leaves.)

    Female Customer: “So long, and thanks for all the fish!”

    Prescribing Perspective

    | AL, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

    Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer #1: “I’m picking up a script for [name].”

    (I proceed to look it up. However, the system alerts me that we do not have anything ready.)

    Me: “I don’t see that we have anything ready for you, ma’am.”

    Customer #1: “What do you mean, you don’t have anything! They called two days ago!”

    Me: “I apologize, ma’am. If a prescription sits on our shelf for too long, we have to put it back on our stock shelf.”

    Customer #1: “It’s only been a week! That’s just stupid! Give me back my script! I’ll go to [rival store]! Only one week! Absurd!”

    (I escort her to my co-worker, so that I may help the other customers in line.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, honey, I think I may have done the same thing and waited too long; can you check?”

    Me: “Certainly, sir.”

    (I check, and indeed his was placed back to stock as well.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m afraid so.”

    (Customer #2 speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, shoot. IT’S PURELY MY FAULT FOR FORGETTING, EVEN AFTER Y’ALL WERE SO NICE TO CALL ME TWICE. Thank you, sugar; I’ll go talk to [co-worker].”

    A Hot Slice Of Kindness

    | Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a pizza shop on a busy Friday night. There are about five customers waiting in line. I hand the first customer her slice, and move on.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t like the slice I ordered. I want a new one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; but I can’t just give you another slice.”

    Customer: “But I don’t want this one anymore! I demand to speak to who is in charge. How am I supposed to eat something I don’t like?!”

    (I ask my boss, and he tells me to give her a free slice to avoid an argument. I get the customer a new slice, and am finally able to take care of the other customers. An hour later, my coworker hands me a hot chocolate.)

    Coworker: “Here, this hot chocolate is for you.”

    Me: “Oh, thanks!”

    Coworker: “I didn’t get it; one of the customers who was in here before works at the coffee place. He saw you deal with that difficult customer, so he brought you the hot chocolate for free.”

    (This small act of kindness made my entire night brighter. The next time I see him, he will be getting a free slice of pizza!)

    Fancy Titles Are All Just Hot Air

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (A customer comes up to my empty register. I have to put away some keys, so I am delayed slightly.)

    Me: “Sorry about the delay, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to call me sir. Why do people call me sir?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I guess it’s a sign of respect.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but it’s very American.”

    Me: “I suppose so, but what else would I call you?”

    (The customer ponders this for a while.)

    Customer: “What about, ‘old fart’?”

    Me: *laughing* “I don’t think I’d have a job if I called people that!”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t mind!”

    A Good Attitude About A Bad Attitude

    | WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (Our refund policy has a shorter timeframe than most people assume, and they usually don’t read their receipts. A customer walks in carrying a bag with one of our games; she’s on her cell phone.)

    Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to return this. I do not need to be spending $30 on a game right now.”

    (She continues her phone conversation.)

    Me: “Do you have your receipt with you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag, honey.”

    Me: “Okay, let me just check it.”

    (I see that she’s a couple of days past the refund window.)

    Me: “All right, I can get you a store credit for this.”

    Customer: “What? You mean I can’t get my money back?”

    Me: “It says right here, ‘Last day for refund is [date]’.”

    (She is a little bit shocked, and continues talking on her cell phone.)

    Customer: “They say I can’t return it… I can only get a store credit! I just drove all this way for nothing!”

    (I prepare for her to start yelling at me.)

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t believe this. I need to go. Just put it back in the bag. I need to take my bad attitude out of here!”

    Me: “Um, sorry about that.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s okay; it’s not you, honey!”

    (She grabs the bag and leaves quickly, still on her cell phone. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “I can’t believe she didn’t yell at me! She just recognized that she was upset and left. This has never happened before!”

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