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    Category: Awesome Customers

    They Read A Pizza My Mind

    | Lexington, KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    Me: *taking an order over the phone* “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello. I would like to order two large pizzas, and I want the first one with sausage.”

    Me: “Okay, and what would you like for the second one?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. Surprise me.”

    (I am almost about to do just that. All of a sudden I hear a second person on the other line.)

    Second Person: “DON’T SAY THAT! HE PROBABLY WILL SURPRISE YOU!”

    Caller: “Okay. Sorry. Make that second one pepperoni.”

    Me: “What’s the matter? Don’t you like anchovies?”

    Should Stop Giving Herself A Good Dressing Down

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Spouses & Partners

    (Being a big military town, it is fairly common to have women come into our bridal store to shop for military events like the yearly ball. A customer comes in with her husband.)

    Customer: “I just had a baby and my body hasn’t quite bounced back yet.”

    Husband: *rolls eyes* “Hun, you look great. Really. Please stop saying that.”

    Customer: *ignoring husband* “But it is the annual ball, so I need to look nice. I was thinking of something in black, since black is slimming, but I’m not sure of my size at this point because of the baby.”

    Me: “I would be happy to measure you but you look to be about a size 10. What did you have in mind for style?”

    Customer: “Probably something very simple.”

    (The customer walks through the non-bridal section with me to look over the styles and proceeds to pick every dress with NO shape she finds.)

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t want to try on something with a little more shape to it? You have a better figure than you let on.”

    Husband: “Yes. PLEASE!”

    Customer: “No. These are fine. I mean, I really need to work out and flatten this pooch down.” *grabs stomach*

    (The customer has literally grimaced at everything she has tried on, not liking anything. Her husband has tried desperately to explain how beautiful she is, while fidgeting in an armchair next to the fitting area.)

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Let me see what else we have.”

    Customer: “Thanks. I know there’s only so much you can do.”

    Me: *coming up with a plan* “Oh! We just got this dress in a couple days ago and I haven’t gotten to see it on anyone. Would you mind so much just trying it on and humoring me?”

    (The dress is a mermaid cut halter dress, VERY Marilyn Monroe but floor length. Perfect for a woman with real curves.)

    Customer: “Ooh, um, sure.”

    (The customer smiles awkwardly, clearly not wanting to be rude and say ‘no.’ As she goes into the fitting room I look at her husband, wink, and smile. The customer walks out of the fitting room looking drop-dead 50s-goddess gorgeous.)

    Customer: “I don’t kn—”

    Husband: *knocks over chair jumping up* “THIS ONE! WE’LL TAKE THIS ONE!” *under his breath* “…and after the ball we can make a sibling for the baby.”

    Some Customers Are Just Worth Recording

    , | Cupertino, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I’m working in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi. Welcome to [restaurant]; what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Are… are you a recording?”

    Me: “Yup. I’m absolutely a prerecorded message to take your order and make your day just a little brighter!”

    Customer: “Oh. Well… I’ll have [order].”

    (The customers drive up to the window to pay. I look at them amusingly.)

    Me: “Am I a recording?”

    Customer: *laughs* “Sorry. You were just so chipper that we thought you were a recording!”

    Me: *chuckles* “It’s no problem. I’ve been up for three hours already and I’m loaded up on caffeine! Anyway, your order comes out to [total].”

    Customer: “Okay. So, if I drive off right now, do you get to keep the change?”

    Me: “Umm… That hasn’t happened before, so… maybe?”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, have a great day, then!”

    (The customers drive up to the next window to pick up their food. They very kindly leave me with a $15 tip!)

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 5

    | Champaign, IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (A man and his four children are in the booth next to my family. I am four years old and am sitting next to my younger brothers. We are all quietly coloring at the table. The children at the next booth are climbing on top of the booth and playing with my father’s hat, throwing food, and running around the entire restaurant.)

    Waiter: “Sir, your children are bothering other customers. They need to calm down, or you will have to leave.”

    Other Dad: “They’re fine. They’re just running off some energy.”

    (The waiter is called away to another table. The kids begin raising another ruckus. They are just getting to an unbearable level when a carrot lands on our table.)

    Me: *sets crayon down* “Daddy, may I get up?”

    My Dad: “Um, okay…”

    (I march to the next table and assume an assertive stance with fists on hips.)

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. You really need to learn how to control your children.”

    (I get back in my seat and resume coloring. The other dad turns bright red. He gathers his kids and hurries out of the restaurant just as their food arrives. Later, my parents ask for the check.)

    Waiter: “Actually, sir, even if this meal wasn’t on the house, almost every other customer asked to cover your check for you.”

    (20 years later, my mom still calls this her proudest parenting moment. We even got a $50 gift certificate out of it!)

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 4
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    You Can Count On Some Customers

    | Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (We have a few regulars in the store that we give nicknames. There is one middle-aged man who often wears a long black cloak with a high collar. He speaks with a thick Transylvanian-sounding accent, so I refer to him as ‘The Count.’)

    The Count: “Hellooooo, daaaahliiing. Do you have any more of zese glasses?”

    (I go out to the back and find another box. We’ve had a few problems with boxes being sent to us with broken pieces inside. I open it to show the customer all of them are fine.)

    The Count: “Ahhhh, yes. Zey are very nice. And, let’s see…”

    (He points at each in turn like ‘The Count’ from Sesame Street.)

    The Count: “1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! They’re all there! Ah, ha, ha!”

    (He takes the box out of my hands and goes to the counter with a sweep of his cloak. I guess some people live up to their nicknames!)

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