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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Very Closed Minded

    | Boston, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Time

    (I’m the idiot customer this time around. I needed to get some supplies for my computer, and thought the local store was open until 10 pm. It’s currently 8:55 pm when I enter.)

    Security: “Oh, we’re getting ready to close.”

    Me: “Huh? It’s 8:55.”

    Security: “We close at 9. Hope you’re quick!”

    Me: *starting to dash* “Watch me.”

    (I make a mad dash through the otherwise empty store as fast as I can go, grabbing my three items and running to the register. Timestamp on the receipt: 8:59pm.)

    Cashier: “You used to work retail, huh?”

    Me: “Yup, and I would’ve kicked my own a** if I took too long!”

    (The staff laughed and gave a brief cheer as I, the last customer of the evening, was out the door at nine on the nose.)

    Giving You A (Prison) Break

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink

    Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”

    (There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”

    (The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)

    Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”

    Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”

    Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”

    (He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)

    Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”

    (Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)

    Customer #2: “GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE!”

    (The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)

    Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”

    Me: “I-I-I, um…”

    Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”

    Me: “Uh, you, um…”

    Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”

    Comic: Starting A New Year Revolution

    , | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Comics, Food & Drink, Holidays

    The Sweetest Thing Wasn’t The Candy

    | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money

    (The ice cream shop I work at also sells candy in a separate section. Since I’m working alone, I’ve closed the candy section. A girl who looks about nine comes in.)

    Girl: “Excuse me, could I go in the candy spot?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I open the section and let her wander around. I notice she keeps approaching the candy bars, then backing away looking disappointed.)

    Me: “Are you looking for something special?”

    Girl: *shyly* “I only have this much…”

    (She holds out her hand, revealing about twenty cents in nickels and pennies.)

    Me: “Why don’t you look at the bulk bins? We sell that candy by the weight, so you can probably get something from there.”

    (She heads to the bins I’m pointing at and carefully counts out a few candies to weigh.)

    Me: “Okay, that’s going to be fourteen cents. Do you want to get a few more?”

    Girl: “Nope, that’s just enough!”

    (She handed me the money, but still had a few cents in her hand. As she took the bag from me, she dropped the remaining change in the tip jar and scurried out. She gave up a little extra candy to give me a tip. It was far from my largest tip, but it was my favorite.)

    Fixing For A Fixing

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

    Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

    (Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

    Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

    (We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

    Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

    (The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

    Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

    (The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

    Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

    Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

    Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

    (The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

    Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

    (She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

    Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”

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