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    Category: Awesome Customers

    Must Go To A Happy-Apping Church

    | UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Religion, Technology

    (I work for a large, nationwide cellphone retailer in their customer service call center. I’m trying to assist a customer with troubleshooting her smartphone which is doing a number of odd things.)

    Customer: “The screen freezes, applications crash, it’s going slow, and calls drop. Once the screen goes into sleep mode on a call I can’t get it to come back up, but then I can’t get it to automatically go into sleep mode otherwise. Someone else has to hang up otherwise the phone will just keep going on the call. On top of all that, the camera. OH, THE CAMERA! It will randomly take pictures! I don’t even have to have the camera up! The flash will go off and a picture appears on the screen!”

    Me: “Wow… sounds like you need a priest, not a technician.”

    Customer: *without skipping a beat* “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!”

    Me: “Thank you… That made my night.”

    The True Appliance Of Science

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Awesome Customers, Math & Science

    (I volunteer at a children’s museum in their dinosaur area, where I work in the lab. We work behind a glass window that we keep open so the kids can ask us questions about the bones we are cleaning.)

    Every Kid: *completely ignoring me* “Wow! A real dinosaur bone!”

    One Awesome Kid: *staring directly at me* “Wow! A real scientist!”

    An Off-Color Purchase

    | Dedham, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I work in the beer and wine department of a large supermarket chain. A very elderly customer comes in a couple times a month and asks us to give him two different white wines, six bottles of each. This day, he approaches me.)

    Customer: “Could you help me? I want two red wines, six bottles of each.”

    Me: “What do you typically like?”

    Customer: “I don’t care. What do you think I’ll like?”

    (I suggest a couple wines, he takes them without complaint.)

    Customer: “You know, for ten years I’ve been drinking nothing but white wine, because I didn’t want to spill it and stain the carpet. But you know what I realized? F*** it!”

    Waiting For The Bad Customer That Never Comes

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Time

    (I’m getting food at a rather well-known fast-food joint that specializes in American-Chinese cuisine. I’ve just finished placing a large order.)

    Cashier: “The [dish] is out right now. Would you like something else, or would you like to wait? It’ll be about 10 minutes to make another batch.”

    Me: “I’m fine with waiting. Thank you.”

    Cashier: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. Can I have your name so I can call you when it’s all ready?”

    (I give her my name, pay, and take a step back to wait. About three minutes pass and I notice her walking out to me with a cup.)

    Cashier: “Sir, I’m sorry it’s taking so long. Would you like a complimentary drink?”

    Me: “Uh… sure, I guess. It’s really no problem though. Only 10 minutes, right?”

    Cashier: “Thank you for being so understanding!”

    (She hands me the cup and goes back to serving other customers. Another three minutes pass and I notice one of her coworkers is waving me over to the counter.)

    Coworker: “We’re really sorry for the wait, sir. Would you like a complimentary order of egg rolls for your trouble?”

    Me: “Thank you for the offer, but no. Seriously, I’m really fine with the wait. It’s no problem.”

    Coworker: “Okay, then. Just let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

    (I step back from the counter and wait a few more minutes until the cashier calls my name.)

    Cashier: “Here you are, sir! I’m so sorry for the delay, I tossed in a few orders of egg rolls and rangoon because it took so long.”

    Me: “Really, that’s very nice, but you didn’t have to do that. You were up-front with the wait time and it took almost exactly what you told me. You really don’t owe me any free food or even the drink.”

    (Suddenly it all clicks.)

    Me: “People still freak out when they have to wait even after you tell them how long it’s going to be, don’t they?”

    Cashier: “You have no idea. Have a great day!”

    Bagged Himself A Steal

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

    Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

    (The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

    Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

    (Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

    Elderly Man: “I got him!”

    (All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

    Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

    Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

    Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

    (It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! Needless to say the man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)

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