Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    A Muddied Understanding

    | CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m the groomer at a veterinary hospital. I get paged to reception to answer a question.)

    Me: “Thanks for waiting. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I was wondering if you offered mud baths?”

    Me: “Mud baths?”

    Customer: “Well, my dogs coat is so dry, and my skin is always so nice after one, so I was wondering if you gave mud baths to dogs?”

    Me: “Um, no. If I did I would just have to wash it all off right after, so it would be a bit counter productive. If the skin or coat is dry I would recommend a shampoo with oatmeal.”

    Customer: “Oh, that makes sense! Thanks for your time!” *walks out*

    When The Cat’s Away The Dogs Have A Spa Day

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the groomer at a veterinary hospital. Midway through my shift I go to grab a cat I have scheduled for a bath. To keep their stress to a minimum there is a room that is exclusively for cats. All boarding and grooming cats are kept there. As soon as I enter the room the cat is already growling and hissing. Take note: the cat has a short coat and the hair looks very shiny. After a quick glance at the chart I call up the owner.)

    Me: “[Cat] is already a little grumpy, so I’m a bit hesitant to work on him. I don’t want to stress him out any more than I have to. His coat looks pretty clean. Was there a particular reason you wanted him washed today?”

    Client: “Well, my dogs are there to get groomed all the time, getting their spa days. I didn’t want him feeling left out…”

    We’ll Sell You One When Guinea Pigs Fly

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals, School, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s late August and temperatures have been in the high 90s since 7 am. It’s now nearly 3 pm when I get a call.)

    Me: “Hello. Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have any orange and white guinea pigs?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, all our guinea pigs are black but they’re very sweet and personable.”

    Customer: “No, it really has to be an orange and white one.”

    Me: “May I ask why?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m a teacher at [Local Middle School] and I set the class guinea pig outside to clean my classroom this morning. I just checked on him and he’s dead.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re telling me you left that guinea pig outside in near 100-degree weather without checking on him, leading him to die of heat stroke, and you want me to sell you another one?”

    Customer: “…I’m not getting a guinea pig, am I?”

    Baby Boa

    | PA, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a pet store in a large shopping mall. We sell pets and supplies. The customer in question is a well dressed woman in her late twenties.)

    Customer: “Do you sell rabbits?”

    Me: “Not year long; they are a seasonal item.”

    Customer: “Do you have any large rats or guinea pigs? I need to feed my snake and it is quite large.”

    Me: “Well, we do have some rats. Let me show them to you.”

    (I take the customer over to the enclosure with the rats.)

    Me: “Will any of these do?”

    Customer: “Well they are a little small. I will just buy two of them. The snake is probably really hungry since he escaped for a while and we just found him.”

    Me: “I am glad you got him back safe and sound. Was he gone for long?”

    Customer: “Yes he was missing for quite a while. In fact, he hasn’t even met the baby yet.”

    (I don’t know if it ever occurred to her that a missing snake large enough to eat a full grown rabbit could be a danger to her infant child!)

    Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket…

    | NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in and is very concerned about the ‘tumor’ on her male dog’s stomach.)

     Me: “That’s not a tumor, ma’am. It’s called a bulbus glandus. It just means he’s, um, really happy to see you.”

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