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  • My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    The Customers Are The Biggest Pest

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I recently started training for a pest control company setting up free inspections for ants, spiders, rodents, etc. This older gentleman is one of my very first calls.)

    Caller: “I think there’s something in my crawl space and I need to know what it is!”

    Me: “Okay, I would be happy to get a free technician out to identify what’s down there and give you a solution.”

    Caller: “You can’t just tell me what it is?”

    Me: “No, sir… We would need to get eyes on it to know what it is.”

    Caller: *urgently* “Oh, no, that won’t do at all. I NEED to know what it is!”

    Me: “In all honesty, sir, bugs and pests are so varied that no one but a tech would be able to diagnose that.”

    Caller: “Can I talk to a tech then?”

    Me: “They’re out in the field currently, but they truly would need to see the pest and the conditions in order to hel—”

    Caller: “Oh, that just won’t work. I’ll call someone else!” *click*

    Trainer: “Who’s he going to call?! Psychic Pest Control?”

    The Lowest Form Of Life In The Zoo

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work in retail at a zoo. A teenage girl is talking with her friends and looks over at me.)

    Teenage Girl: “Do you think the animals come alive at night after the zoo closes?”

    The Mother (Nature) Of Stupid Complaints

    | GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a night auditor, and the only staff member on duty. I see that the office phone is being rung from a room that has only just checked in:)

    Me: “Front desk. How may I help you?”

    Irate Guest: “How dare you rent me this room! There are bugs! Oh, my God! Bugs!”

    Me: “I’m so very sorry, ma’am. The exterminator comes regularly to prevent this sort of thing, and we have an excellent housekeeping department, but this being Georgia, and the rooms opening to the outside, sometimes it happens. Would you like to move to a different room, or would you prefer a refund?”

    Irate Guest: “Well, a different room won’t do me any good. The bugs are all over the place outside. In the shrubs and around the lights and just everywhere!”

    Me: “Wait. You called to complain because there are bugs outdoors?”

    Irate Guest: “Yes! I’ve never seen such horrible things in my life!”

    Me: “Ma’am, your registration information shows me that you live in Florida. I’ve been to Florida. Y’all have bugs.”

    Irate Guest: “I just want a refund.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you a refund based on the fact that you think we should remove bugs from the great outdoors. You can talk to the manager in the morning.”

     

    (The guest slammed the phone down. Minutes later, I saw her car speed out of the parking lot. I briefed the owner/manager the following morning. We had a good laugh, and an even better one after guest came back to demand her refund.)

    Was Dying The First Time

    | Hampton, VA, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working in a call center that takes calls for 800 numbers people see on psychic hotline commercials. The deal is we tell you the cost and then give the actual 900 number.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl on the bed and my fish is dying! He’s just flopping around! What do I do?”

    Me: “Umm… what?”

    Caller: “My fish is dying! What do I do?”

    Me: “Put him in another bowl?”

    Caller: “Thank you! This will save him!” *laughs* “Sorry, man, just thought you might be able to use a laugh tonight.”

    Me: “Yeah, always appreciate that. Have a good one.”

    (Two calls later:)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Psychic Line].”

    Caller: “Help! I spilled my fish bowl and my fish is dying!”

    Me: “Dude, it’s me again.”

    Caller: “Oh, hey, isn’t that funny.”

    Getting Crazier Organ(ically)

    | Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “[Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, do you have any books about dogs?”

    Me: “Yes, we have an extensive section all about pets.”

    Caller: “Dog spleens?”

    Me: “Um, we have a smaller section of veterinarian books, but—”

    Caller: “COOKING dog spleens?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    (The caller finally broke into laughter in his own voice, revealing himself to be my boyfriend in one of his weird moods.)

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