Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Getting Crazier Organ(ically)

| Willow Grove, PA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

Me: “[Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hello, do you have any books about dogs?”

Me: “Yes, we have an extensive section all about pets.”

Caller: “Dog spleens?”

Me: “Um, we have a smaller section of veterinarian books, but—”

Caller: “COOKING dog spleens?”

Me: “Uh…”

(The caller finally broke into laughter in his own voice, revealing himself to be my boyfriend in one of his weird moods.)

Flogging A Dead Animal

| Springfield, MO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(As one of the eight fast-food restaurants that is within walking distance to the three college campuses in our town, our joint gets it’s fair share of college kids. And idiots. We are extremely busy on Thanksgiving when this happens.)

Me: *answering the phone as I take a guest’s money* “Happy Thanksgiving! How can I help you?”

Caller: “I want to file a complaint.”

Me: “Oh. Well, sir, our manager is really busy right now making food; can I help you, instead?”

Caller: “I came into your restaurant earlier today, and I got a [Burger] sandwich. I took it home, and tried to eat it, but my dog took it from me, and now he’s dead.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “Well?! I want something done!”

(At this point, I hear sniggering in the background, and realize that this is another prank-call. I fake a laugh, and hang up the phone, getting back to work with our huge queue. Minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Happy Thanksgiving! How can I help you?”

Same Caller: “Yeah, I have to file a complaint. I came into your store earlier, and I ordered a [Burger] for my cat. When I got home and fed it to her, she died! How are you going to fix this?”

Me: “I’ll get a manager, sir.”

(I hang up the phone instead, and tend to people who are actually PAYING for my attentions. When the phone rings again, and I recognize the number, I ask my manager if I can take the call at the counter instead, just so I can stop running around.)

Caller: “I’m calling to report—”

Me: “Sir, are you calling to report that one of our [Burger]s killed a beloved family animal?”

Same Caller: “Yes. That is exactly why I am calling!”

Me: “Sir, I am so, SO sorry about that. We’ve gotten a lot of calls today about our deadly sandwich, and obviously, that can’t continue.”

Same Caller: “I know. It SUCKS!”

Me: “Sir, please accept our fullest apologies for the agony we have put you through in this mourning. We are prepared to make amends. Do you still have the receipt for the purchase?”

Same Caller: *obviously a little confused by the change in conversation* “Uh… no.”

Me: *cheerily* “Oh, well, that’s okay! You don’t need to have proof of purchase. Tell me, do you still have the bag from your sandwich?”

Same Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “Good. Now, sir, is the body of the animal nearby?”

Same Caller: “Yes, it’s over there.”

Me: *grinning* “Then sir, I have excellent news! We will be able to help you today! If you can just take the carcass of your deceased pet, pick it up, and place it in the bag, we will be able to accept it as currency at this time.”

(My manager is giving me the death glare, but several of my guests on counter are laughing, so I continue.)

Same Caller: “WHAT?”

Me: “Well, sir, you don’t have a receipt, and we can’t in all good conscience allow you to be miserable over this. So, just this once, if you will bring in the body of your deceased, we will accept it in the form of a receipt, and give you a free [Burger] with our condolences. We hope to see you soon!”

(The guest hung up. My manager, though laughing, told me never to do it again. Needless to say, the jerk didn’t show up.)

Pig-Headed Over Halal

| Australia | Bigotry, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Religion

(I’m re-stocking shelves in the pet food aisle in, when a lady angrily shoves a pig’s ear (a type of dog treat) at me.)

Customer: “Where is this made?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but it usually says so on the packaging.”

Customer: “I bet it’s not Australian-made.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, if it is it usually states it on the packaging itself. Australian-made is a pretty big deal to local companies, so they like to put it on there if it is.”

(I take the pig’s ear and sure enough it is made locally in the state we are in, by a local company.)

Me: “Made right here in South Australia. Right there.”

Customer: “I bet it has that disgusting Halal certification crap all over it too! You know your company supports terrorism by allowing this Muslim garbage all over our food. And us customers have to pay for it!”

Me: “You are aware that Muslims are forbidden to eat pork, right? And that this is a pork dog treat? For animals, right?”

Customer: “It doesn’t matter. Your company supports terrorism by allowing Halal on it’s products.”

Me: “Be sure to inform your dog of his choice then, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

(She angrily shoved the locally-made, obviously not-Halal certified, pork dog treat back on the shelf and stormed off.)

Flamingoing From Bad To Worse

| Lexington, KY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am a cashier on register with no one in my line. The phone rings:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(There is an obviously drunk woman on phone:)

Caller: “Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear that. Could you say it again?”

Caller: “A flamingo! Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “You mean the pink bird at the zoo?”

Caller: “Yes, flamingos! Do you sell flamingos?”

(At this point a customer comes up to my register.)

Me: “No ma’am; we do not sell flamingos or any other kind of exotic animal. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Caller: “Too bad. What about giraffes?”

Me: “Tell you what. Call back when you are sober. I have a customer waiting.” *click*

Customer: “Did they seriously ask for a flamingo?”

Me: “Yep, and a giraffe. Sorry you had to wait.”

Customer: “You do know it’s rush week, right?”

(There are no less than six universities in the city. Rush week is when freshmen pledge to a sorority or fraternity and have to do challenges to get in.)

Me: “Oh, no! Thanks for the warning.”

(I let my manager know. We got ten similar calls that day, and more the rest of the week.)

Kitten Smitten

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

Woman: “Just this, please.”

(I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

Me: “Him?”

(She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

(I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

Me: “…good luck with that!”

(Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

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