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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Bachelor Chow Is The Cat’s Meow

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer in this story. The vet sells cat and dog food in the lobby. Though my mum takes my cat here when he’s ill and to buy food, I have never been to buy food before.)

    Me: *picks up a large bag of cat food and takes it to the desk* “I’ll have this, please!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “That’ll be £15.00 please.”

    Me: “Okay, great.” *I pay*

    Vet’s Receptionist: “We have to note down sales in this book. Can I have your surname and your cat’s name, please?”

    Me: *without thinking, I look up in surprise and say* “Huh? How did you know I have a cat?!”

    Vet’s Receptionist: “Well… unless you plan on eating that yourself…”

    Got Ants In Your Pants About Buying This Animal

    | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well known pet store chain. Late at night, just a half hour before closing, we get a phone call from a tired sounding woman.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Pet Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *sounds of customer trying to silence a barking dog* “Uh, yeah, do you have any anteaters?”

    Me: *I pause because I’m a little surprised by this* “I don’t believe we do.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? Because you kind of hesitated like you weren’t sure.”

    Me: “You said anteaters? Is that a name of a product or—”

    Caller: “No, like the animal. You know, like an anteater? Do you sell them?”

    Me: “I’m sure we don’t.”

    Caller: “You hesitated again. Maybe you should go make sure.”

    (The store is not very large and neither are the animals we sell: nothing bigger than a guinea pig. I tell her I will check and put her on hold for a few seconds. I inform the working manager and he tells me to just tell her I didn’t find any anteaters, which is what I do.)

    Caller: “Aw, man, really? I really need an anteater. Do you know if the other store carries them? What is it?”

    Me: “[Competitor]?”

    Caller: “Yeah! Do they have them? Do they have anteaters?”

    Me: “I’m very certain they do not.”

    Caller: “Are you sure? You kind of paused. Can you make sure?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no way I can check a competitor’s stock but I am pretty sure they don’t sell anteaters.”

    (After exclaiming her disappointment once again, she described to me her reason for needing an anteater. She told me she has a cousin who has a serious ant problem in her apartment and was told by a friend that they had solved a similar problem using an anteater, which, they said, can be purchased at some pet stores. What she intended to do with the large exotic animal after it served its purpose is still a mystery.)

    Pooped Trying To Explain It All

    | Austin, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I have been working at a popular, well known pet store for about two weeks. It is my first night closing alone when my manager finds me to ask if I can talk to a family about adopting a small pet. I am lead to a family of two young boys, both under 10 years old, and their father.)

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

    Father: “Yes, well, we have never had a pet before. They want something that doesn’t bite, will run in a ball so they can play with it without it getting away, something they can hold and play with, and something they can take care of themselves.”

    Me: “Well, sir, you will need to watch the kids and be sure the pet is being taken care of since they are so young. There is no pet we have that very young children can take care of alone.”

    Father: “Really? Not even the hamsters?” *points to our gerbils*

    Me: “No, sir. They all require daily care, food, water, cage cleaning.”

    Father: “What about the gerbils?”

    (He points to our mice.)

    Me: “Those are mice, and yes, they need daily care. I also would not recommend them to new, young owners who want something calm that they can easily handle. They are quick and tend to bite.”

    Father: “What about those? Are those mice?”

    Me: “No sir, those are dwarf hamsters and also bite.”

    Father: “What about those? Are those gerbils?”

    Me: “No, sir, those are bear hamsters. They are calmer but also bite and need time to warm up before they are easily handled and will need adult supervision before being allowed alone with small children.”

    Father: “Even the gerbils?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, even the gerbils… Maybe you would like to look at our guinea pigs? They don’t really bite and it’s kind of hard to lose them if they get out. But still need to be watched by adults.”

    Father: “That’s a guinea pig?” *points to the bear hamsters*

    Me: “No, these are. Would you like to see one?”

    Father: “How do you take of care of it?”

    Me: “Well, it needs to be fed and watered everyday, needs hay daily, and it’s cage bedding needs to be cleaned at least once a week.”

    Father: “Once a week?! How often does it poop?!”

    Me: “Every day. All our animals poop every day.”

    Father: “What about this hamster?” *points to the mice*

    Me: “Those are mice. They bite, and also poop daily.”

    Father: “And this? It’s small, it can’t poop everyday.”

    Me: “That’s the gerbils. Again, they also bite and poop.”

    (At this point I recommended a fish, which he turned down, so I got my manager to help me explain what pet care means. He ended up getting a guinea pig but not before I, my manager, and other staff, including the cashiers, reminded him of its species and needs, gave him numerous free booklets and phone numbers, and made sure he knew he could bring it back for anything. We even allowed him to bring it back past our normal 2 week return policy.)

    Has A Cat’s Chance In Hell Of Adopting

    | Kearney, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Hello! Are you interested in finding a pet today?”

    Customer: *with young son* “Yes. I would like to adopt two cats.”

    Me: “That’s fantastic! We have many to choose from.”

    Customer: “Too bad my landlord won’t let me have more than one pet at my apartment.” *handing me her phone* “Here’s a picture of my son’s cat.”

    Me: “You already have a pet?”

    Customer: “Yep.”

    Me: “And you want to adopt two more?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “But your landlord says you can only have one animal in your home?”

    Customer: “Oh, the two cats I adopt here won’t live with me! My father just passed away and his house is lonely so they’ll live there.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry to hear about your father, but we can’t do an adoption for cats to live alone in a house.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because we want to make sure that the animals would be properly cared for and if no one lives with them they could run out of food and water or get trapped during an emergency and you might not know about it for days.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m paying for the air conditioning to be on at his house so someone should live there!”

    Me: “Maybe you could live out the lease at your apartment then move in to your dad’s house.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want to have to move my stuff. What if I just tell you I live there?”

    Me: “Since I already know that that is a lie, I would not feel comfortable doing the adoption.”

    Customer: “Do you even care about the animals here?!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s why I don’t want them it have to live alone in a house. They deserve to be cared for.”

    Customer: “Maybe I’ll just spend every night at the house so I know they’d be okay!”

    Me: “Would your son stay with you?”

    Customer: “No! He’s afraid of the house!”

    Me: “So, you’re willing to let your young son live alone just so you can adopt these cats?”

    Customer: “I’m gonna tell you whatever you need to hear so you’ll give me these animals!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I truly am sorry that you lost your father. But the situation you are in right now simply makes me unable to let you adopt an animal from us. If you move or can provide us with written proof that your landlord will allow more pets, come back and see what cats we have at that time.”

    Customer: “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! You don’t even care what happens to these animals!” *storms out the door*

    An Ocean Of Reasons To Kick Them Out

    | England, UK | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a famous English theme park, specifically in the sea life centre. As part of my job I supervise the rock pools where customers can touch and feel starfish, cleaning shrimp, crabs etc. The customer has been standing with his child with his hands in the rock pool for a good ten minutes, despite the queue behind him.)

    Customer: “Can these shrimp live out of the water, then?”

    Me: “It is quite dangerous for them to be taken out of the water for long, sir.”

    Customer: “What about the starfish?”

    Me: “They also should be left in the water at all times.”

    Customer: “Can my son hold one?”

    Me: “He can hold them under the water, sir, but we don’t permit guests taking the sea life away from the water. He can also let the cleaner shrimp clean his hands under the water, but they can’t be taken out either.”

    (The customer and his son completely ignore what I just said and grab a starfish, holding it in the air.)

    Me: “Sir, I’ll need you to put that starfish back in the water! You really can’t take the sea life out of the water, and although you’re more than welcome to come and queue again the other customers are waiting their turn.”

    (The customer mutters to his son while laughing, despite the fact that I can clearly hear them.)

    Customer: “Get a shrimp, d***-head!”

    (The next thing I know the boy has walked away practically crushing a cleaner shrimp in his hand. It took me and three other co-workers to escort the now swearing man and his not-so-pleasant son out of the sea life centre. And yes, the little boy killed the poor cleaner shrimp.)

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