• My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Ignoring The Elephant In The Room

    | Corning, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I’m a cashier at a local store. A man and a boy about seven walk in.)

    Me: “Did you know you have a sticker of an elephant on your back?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, my son here put something on my back a moment ago before walking in. I thought it was one of those ‘kick me’ signs.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nope, just an elephant.”

    (Overhearing, another customer walks over:)

    Customer #2: “Maybe it’s opening its mouth.”

    (Customer #1 gets a very confused look on his face and very slowly turns around, obviously trying to understand what Customer #2 meant, as was I.)

    Customer #2: “What?”


    Customer #2: “You know, to say ‘kick me?'”

    Making False Bald Statements

    | KS, USA | Pets & Animals, School

    (I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

    Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

    Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

    Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

    Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

    Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

    Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

    Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

    You’re Minnow Good

    | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (A customer comes into our fish department and points at the minnows.)

    Customer: “I want 30 these!”

    (Being the new girl in training, I count out 30 minnows, bag them, and start tying off the bag. Then, after watching me the entire time closely, the customer speaks up.)

    Customer: “They too small! You grabbed small ones!”

    (So my trainer comes over to see what the problem is. I explain I grabbed all the minnows from the large minnow tank and my trainer confirms this with the customer. However the customer continues:)

    Customer: “She grabbed all small ones and I want big ones!”

    (The coworker training me wanted to choke him with a bag but instead dumped the 30 fish back into the tank and re-caught 30 ‘bigger’ minnows. They were all the same size.)

    Taking Care Of Business At Your Business

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work in big box retail. I walk out to the garden center to see dog poop on the floor. An old lady is fifty feet away with a dog.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, we only allow service animals in the store. Otherwise it’s a health code violation, and that is an example of why. Can I get you to clean up after your dog, please?”

    Customer: “What?! He didn’t do that!”

    (I manage not to say, ‘Did you do it, then?’)

    Me: “Ma’am, he’s the only dog in the store, and this is why we do not allow them. The cashier will be glad to give you a plastic bag.”

    Customer: “Well, can I finish my shopping first?”

    Me: “No, I don’t want another customer to step in it. Please clean it up.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want to walk all the way [to the register]; can you bring me the bag?”

    (We are literally ten feet away from the register.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Thank you for taking care of that.”

    Customer: “I still don’t think he did it.”

    (I walked away. Quickly.)

    The Art Of Telepathy

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I do pet portraits for extra money to make it through college. Most of the purchases are mundane, somebody’s cat or dog, but I am eventually approached by a very strange woman carrying a stack of papers.)

    Woman: Hello. You’re the one who draws animals, yes?

    Me: Found me! So, what do you–?

    Woman: Oh, good! Because I have something I want you to do for me.

    (She digs through her papers and hands me a printed photo of a taxidermy tree kangaroo. Needless to say, I’m confused.)

    Me: Oh? Is this what you–?

    Woman: Yes, yes. I went to the Smithsonian and I love that animal. I was wanting to know if you could maybe go out of the way of what you regularly do? I know it’s not a pet, but it’s still an animal…”

    (As odd as it sounds, hearing it’s a photo from a trip made it make a little more sense. We discuss pricing and what she wants. She’s adamant that the photo is what she wants, so I work from that, but I keep her updated throughout just to make sure I’m on the right track. When I am finished, I call her to come pick up the piece.)

    Woman: “Oh.”

    Me: “Something wrong?”

    Woman: “Oh. No. Except…”

    (She fidgets, then gestures at the finished product.)

    Woman: “It’s wrong. The wrong color.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Woman: “There’s another color of tree kangaroo. I wanted the other color.”

    Me: “You gave me a photo to work from. You said that’s what you wanted.”

    Woman: “Yes, well, that was the pose I wanted.”

    Me: “You’ve been approving it every stage of the way.”

    Woman: “But this is the wrong color of tree kangaroo.”

    Me: “Why didn’t you tell me you wanted a different color?”

    Woman: *sighing heavily* I figured it was obvious.”

    Me: “I should have just… known?”

    Woman: “You’re the artist. I thought you knew those things.”

    (She did eventually pay, but informed me that I should learn to ‘sync’ with my clients better, because, as the artist, I should just ‘know’ things. To this day, I still tell all my friends about the tree kangaroo lady who was convinced I should be telepathic.)

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