November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

My Roommate Is My Pet Hate

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I’m 18 and working at a convenience store which sells, amongst the usual odds and ends, pet food. I’m working the night shift, and it’s 4:30 am and really quiet, so I have my minor tasks finished. I’m just relaxing and doing some cleaning when I hear shouting outside. I see a man coming towards the door, screaming into his cell phone. He walks in mid-scream.)


(I stare as he walks by, when suddenly he stops and looks at my nametag. He starts speaking (slightly) quieter, and heads towards a back aisle.)

Customer: “—and you know what else? Now there’s another night ruined. [My Name] is stuck working tonight at [Convenience Store]. He was looking forward to a quiet night where he could do some cleaning, some inventory, and take it easy. Instead, he has to stand behind the counter listening to a crazy man screaming into his phone because HIS ROOMMATE IS A STUPID, MOTHERF******, SELFISH, IDIOTIC, TOOL! IF YOU THINK I’M GOING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR STUPIDITY FOR ANOTHER—”

(He pauses mid-sentence, then looks at his phone, then at me.)

Customer: *in a completely calm voice* “His voicemail just cut out again.”

Me: “What happened?”

(The customer comes up and puts several cans of cat food on the counter. As I ring him up, he unlocks his phone and starts dialing while he talks.)

Customer: “I work in a 24 hour call center. I just had the shift from hell, and got home to find my roommates cat howling and crying because it’s hungry and we have no cat food. My roommate knew, but he went out partying anyway and left me to deal with it.” *suddenly he holds the phone closer and begins screaming again* “SO I’M HERE AT 4:30 IN THE F****** MORNING MAKING YOUR DAY WORSE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS AN A**! THE CAT IS HOWLING AND SCREAMING, AND I CAN’T SLEEP UNTIL IT’S FED, BUT G** F****** FORBID THAT ANYBODY INTERFERE WITH THE A**-HOLE’S LATEST HOOKUP!”

(He continues to scream obscenities into his phone while paying me for the cat food, then apologizes to me again for his behavior and wishes me a calmer night before screaming again into his phone.)


(He walks out screaming, and I burst out laughing. It became a running joke for several days after that, until I see the customer and another man at midnight looking at junk food. They’re talking normally, and when they reach the counter the customer’s eyes widen and he greets me happily, and then looks at his friend.)

Customer: “Well?”

Customer #2: “Well what?”

Customer: “This is [My Name].”

Customer #2: *looking confused* “Hi?”

Me: “Hi.”

Customer: “Are you going to apologize?”

Customer #2: “For what?”

Customer: *eyes narrowing* “You didn’t listen to my voicemails, did you?”

This Service Just Tanked

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am the customer. I am buying a bearded dragon and set-up for my daughter. The employee has been showing me everything I need, including the tank and supplies.)

Employee: “You will also need this scrub brush.”

Me: “What? I have to scrub the bearded dragon?”

Employee: “No, it’s to scrub the tank.”

Me: “…This is going on ‘Not Always Right,’ isn’t it?”

Cat-atonic To Your Pleas

| VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m waiting in the lobby of my vet’s office. Because I don’t own a car and either take a taxi or the bus there, I have my dog’s carrier with me, but I’ve taken him out of it. Another client comes in with a carrier, checks in, and sits down next to me. After a second, I realize she has a cat in the carrier. My dog is not friendly with cats, so I get up and move to some seats on the other end of the lobby.)

Me: *on my way to the far-away seat, big smile on my face* “You don’t smell, I promise. It’s just that my dog is aggressive towards cats, and if he realizes there’s a cat in your carrier, he will begin to act out.”

Other Client: “Nonsense, all pets can be friendly towards each other. They just have to be properly introduced. Come over here; they’ll be fine!”

Me: “Really, I’ve tried just about everything. He really dislikes cats and will try to attack them. Sometimes it’s in their genes. It’s no big deal. We’ll just sit over here and he won’t even realize you have a cat there!”

Other Client: *reaching for the door of her carrier* “Oh, come on now. I watch The Dog Whisperer. I can get them to get along.”

Me: “Please don’t! I’d feel terrible if he hurt your cat! I don’t want him to get hurt, either, if the cat needs to defend itself.”

(Despite my pleas, the other client takes her cat out of the carrier. My dog immediately hits the end of his leash, nearly foaming at the mouth. She ignores his obvious aggression and starts walking towards us, doing this stupid sing-songy “be a good doggie and make friends with the cat” while her cat sees what’s up and starts hissing and trying to get away from her to run away.)

Me: *trying to corral my dog and shove him in his own carrier* “PLEASE BACK OFF NOW! MY DOG WILL HURT YOUR CAT IF YOU FORCE THEM TOGETHER! PLEASE STOP!”

(She doesn’t stop, but I manage to get my dog back in his carrier before she reaches us. SHE HOLDS THE CAT UP TO THE MESH WINDOW OF MY DOG’S CARRIER, which I’ve situated behind my legs, persisting in her sing-songy “be a nice doggy!” while my dog tries to eat through his carrier to eat the cat.)

Receptionist: “Uh, I think you probably want to keep your cat away… Um, this doesn’t sound good.” *she runs to get some assistance*

Me: “That is enough! Get that cat away from my dog! And me, I have terrible allergies!”

Other Client: “Oh, why didn’t you just say you were allergic! I don’t want to make you miserable all day!”

(I think her cat was quite relieved that she then put it back in its carrier and took her seat across the lobby from me. But… she was willing to avoid aggravating my allergies, but not driving my dog mad, scaring the daylights out of her cat, and risking harm to both?)

Sadly Having A Ball

| Cranston, RI, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I’m working registers at the moment which also means I’m in charge of answering the phones; I’m certified throughout the store, so usually I don’t even have to transfer the call. Note, we are a just a pet store, not a specialty vet. This transpires one day:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I think my hamster might be injured. My son put him in a hamster ball, and then the ball slipped and hit the floor. The hamster just kinda stayed in one position for a minute or two, like he was dead and didn’t look like he was breathing. Then we flipped him over and he moved a little bit so we can see he’s breathing, but he hasn’t moved since. What would you do?”

Me: “Well, if I was in your position, I’d bring him straight to the vet; we use [Local Vet] because they specialize in small animals.”

Caller: “Sooo… do I bring him, or do you?”

Me: “You would take him.”

(The customer still didn’t seem all that concerned that her son may have caused a serious injury to his pet.)

Should Have Vetted Their Outbursts

| ON, Canada | Pets & Animals, School

(I have worked in a pet store selling dogs and cats for five years at this point, and wear a tag that says my name and that I am a ‘dog specialist.’)

Customer: “Psh, dog specialist my a**. That girl looks like she is just starting high school.”

Coworker: “So, [My Name], how is your third year of veterinary school going?”

(The client turns bright red and leaves the store. The next day, she came back and started asking me questions as to why her dog might be limping.)