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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Mothers In Disguise

    | OH, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I am shopping to get some polos for my mom and my little brother, who are at a concert. I am a 20-year-old woman; however, my voice makes me sound younger. I also love a particular robot franchise. I am searching the toy aisle for a figure that I don’t have, when I approach another customer in the aisle.)

    Customer: *huffs, turns to her husband* “Look at her. Can’t keep them together.”

    Me: *looks at her*

    Customer: “Yes, I am talking about you! You shouldn’t be having children at your age!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “And how can you afford to spoil your kid? You can’t get a decent job like that!”

    Me: *realizing what she is implying* “Actually, I can spoil my kids.” *reaches into my shopping basket to pull out a can of cat treats* “See?”

    Customer: *crosses her arms*

    Me: “This…” *pulls a buildable figure off the rack* “…is for me.”

    Customer: “So immature!”

    (I am used to getting criticism for liking the robot franchise, which is aimed at younger boys.)

    Me: *shrugs* “So?

    (Just then, the woman’s son peers from another aisle.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mommy, I can’t find them with the Legos.” *looks at me* “Is that [Character]?”

    Me: “Yes, it is!”

    Customer’s Son: “That’s the one I want!”

    Customer: *turns to face away*

    Me: *kneels down to hand it to her son* “Do you have [Other Character]? He goes with [Character].”

    Customer’s Son: “Really?”

    Me: “Yep! They and [Third Character] make a group known as a trine. They’re best together.”

    (The woman’s husband grabs the other character’s box as the woman sulks away.)

    Customer’s Son: “Thank you! Sorry Mommy was mean. She said [Franchise] is for little kids and I’m a big boy, but now I know it’s for big girls, too!”

    Like A Dog After A Bone

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s about half an hour before closing time on a Saturday, which is jokingly referred to by the employees as ‘the creeper hour’ because of all the strange customers we get during that time. However, this night has been relatively slow and weird-free. Customer #1, a man, comes to my line and sets down two cartons of ice cream.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer #1: “Fine, thanks. My dog wanted to go for a ride, so I thought I’d reward myself for listening to him.”

    (I kind of laugh with the customer and ring through his order. After he pays, he still stands at my register, staring at me.)

    Me: “Can I help you with anything else?”

    Customer #1: “My dog is a real little dog. It’s probably tearing up my car right now. I can never get him to settle down.”

    Me: “Yeah, smaller dogs tend to have more energy.”

    Customer #1: “It’s because his parents are siblings.”

    Me: “Oh…”

    Customer #1: “I had the brother and sister dogs and they got together somehow. Had four puppies. One was born with heart problems and died. I gave two away.”

    Me: *trying to not cringe* “Okay…”

    Customer #1: “I don’t know how they did it. I don’t know why they did it. Why do brother and sister dogs f***? I caught them once. I couldn’t get the brother dog off his sister. You just never forget those kinds of things.”

    Me: “Sir, do you mind just—”

    (At this point, a second customer comes to my line. She loudly throws some soup cans on the conveyor belt.)

    Customer #2: “Oh, hello, sweetie! How are you tonight?”

    (Customer #1 glares at her and moves down a little, but still is at my register and opens his mouth as if to continue talking.)

    Customer #2: *loudly* “Boy, I can’t believe how great the sales are this week! Oh, do you mind putting my milk in a bag? I hate to be a bother, but it’s just easier to carry.”

    (Customer #1 finally seems to get that he can’t continue talking about his incestuous dogs and actually pouts as he walks away.)

    Customer #2: “Actually sweetie, I’m sorry. I’m not done shopping yet. I still need to get a couple more things. You just looked like you needed a way out.”

    Me: “Oh, my god, thank you so much. Here, I’ll unload the rest of your things and ring them through while you go get what else you need.”

    Customer #2: “But did I hear him right? Did he really say what I think he said? Who even thinks that that’s okay?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t mean to be crass but if you think that’s weird then you don’t want to hear the other stuff people have said to me.”

    (She laughs and gets the rest of her groceries. When she pays, she asks for $5 cash back and gives it to me for ‘putting up with the village of idiots.’)

    You’re Through To The Fee Line

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

    (I do quality assurance for a travel agency. My job is to monitor the calls to make sure that the agents are being honest with the members. One day, I’m listening to a member asking questions about booking a cruise. Most of them are pretty standard, and then I hear this:)

    Agent: “Now that I have your cruise all booked for you, do you have any other questions for me?”

    Member: “Just one, and it’s very important. Does my cat need a passport?”

    Agent: “Ummm…”

    Knowledge Of Cows Is A Bit Green

    | Madison, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A customer is looking around.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I help you look for something?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a green leather couch.”

    Me: “At this time, we have sold all of our green leather couches, but we can order one for you.”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid you know. The leather comes in green!”

    Me: “Ma’am, rawhide color of leather is a tanned beige color. It has to be dyed a specific color then it is processed and installed on a frame.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m stupid?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You’re just not gonna find a green cow anywhere!”

    Some Customers Are A Pet Hate

    | PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    Caller: “Hi, I’m looking for a specific book to help my children deal with the death of a pet.”

    Me: All right. Can you give me the title or author?

    Caller: “Oh, I don’t remember it. But I’ve purchased copies from your store before. I know you have it!”

    (I search for at least fifteen minutes; using every variant on the phrase ‘death of a pet’ I can think of. The customer alternates between telling me about her poor sick dog, insisting that she’s purchased it here before, and that I really should know about it. Finally, I find the book she wants.)

    Customer: “Thank you! That wasn’t all that hard, now, was it?”

    Me: “All right, ma’am. I’m afraid we do not have this book in the store right now. I’ll happily order you a copy—”

    Customer: “When will it get here?”

    Me: “Three to five business days.”

    Customer: “But she’s being put down tomorrow! I was counting on you!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but this is the best I can do, unless you want to order the book from our website yourself and pay extra for overnight shipping.”

    Customer: “… You know what? Never mind. I’ll just tell the kids she went to live on a farm, and tell them the truth in a few years.” *click*


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