Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,159 thumbs up)
  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Pray She Doesn’t Order Steak

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

    Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

    Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”

    Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”

    Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

    Stupid Customers Come With A Sign

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I notice a customer standing in our fish department examining the turtle tank.)

    Me: “Hello. Do you need help sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, I was just looking at your turtles. I have some at home and I’ve been wanting to put goldfish in with them. Can I do that?”

    Me: “You can, but turtles will usually eat goldfish.”

    (He looks genuinely upset at this fact.)

    Customer: “Oh. Well can’t I just put a sign in the tank that says ‘Don’t Eat The Goldfish’ so the turtles will know?”

    Me: “Sir, turtles can’t read.”

    Customer: “They can’t?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Hmm. Well, that’s upsetting.”

    Wet The Appetite

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (A young woman approaches the front register with a dead Siamese fighting fish in a cup.)

    Customer: “I want a refund on my fish. All the fish I buy here keep dying! This is my 3rd replacement. I don’t understand what could be wrong except that you sell sick fish!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry for that miss. I assure you we give all of our animals, including our fish, excellent care. Could you describe to me anything you noticed wrong with your fish before it passed away?”

    Customer: “Well when I first get one it’s completely fine. I change the water once a week, add water conditioner, and it seems happy and healthy. Then, after a couple of weeks it starts looking really sickly and one day it just dies for no apparent reason.”

    Me: “Ok, well what were you feeding it? Was it eating well?”

    Customer:“Feeding it? These kind of fish eat?”

    Me: “Yes of course they do. Everything needs to eat.”

    Customer: “Wow, really?! I thought they just ate the water.”

    Suffering From A Reptile Dysfunction

    | South Deerfield, MA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I am holding one of our Bearded Dragon Lizards for customers to pet.)

    Customer: “Okay, so I know they’re Bearded Dragons, but what are they?”

    Me: “They are Bearded Dragons.”

    Customer: “I know that, but aren’t they a type of insect or something?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. They are a type of reptile.”

    Customer: “Oh. Are they related to the ones that breathe fire?”

    Ignoring The Lack Of An Elephant In The Room

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

    Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

    Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

    Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

    Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

    Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

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