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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Wifi Works Best With A Mouse

    | Newark, NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in this ‘wifi’ you’ve got. I want it in my house.”

    Me: “Do you have a cable or DSL connection?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you have a device hooked up to a phone line or cable line that gives you internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do. Can you bring me a wifi?”

    Me: “Sure miss, we’ve got our routers all over in this area.”

    Customer: “Routers? Won’t that scare the wifi away?”

    Morbid Curiosity Killed The Cat

    | Utah, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Pets & Animals

    (I answer a crisis hot line for suicide, depression, drugs, any sort of thing they want to talk about.)

    Me: “[Name of Crisis Line]. My name is [name]. Do you feel comfortable sharing your first name?”

    Caller: ”Do people really ever call this line?”

    Me: “Yes, they certainly do. What’s on your mind today?”

    Caller: “Well that’s stupid. Do you just listen to depressed people all day?”

    Me: “I listen to whatever is on their mind. That’s what we’re here for.”

    Caller: “You should just tell them to off themselves.”

    Me: “Sir, if you would like to speak to an operator, I’m right here. If you are prank calling us, that is a misdemeanor and we will prosecute.”

    Caller: *obviously faking it* “Oh… well you see …my… um… my… cat…died.”

    Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

    | Quebec, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

    Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

    Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

    Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

    Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

    Like A Fish Out Of Water

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

    Customer: “My fish died again.”

    Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

    Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

    (I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

    Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

    Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

    Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

    Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

    Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

    Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

    (Don’t) See How They Run

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

    Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

    Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

    (I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

    Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

    Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

    Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

    (I show her the mice we have for sale).

    Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

    Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

    Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

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