Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!
(A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)
Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"
Me: "What have you been feeding them?"
Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."
Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."
Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."
(We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)
Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”
Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”
Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.”
Guest: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”
Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”
(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)
Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”
Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”
Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”
(I overhear a group of teenagers talking while looking at the penguin exhibit.)
Teenager 1: “What exactly is a penguin?”
Teenager 2: “Are you that stupid? A penguin is a fish!”
Teenager 2: “No. A penguin is an amphibian. You know, like frogs.”
Teenager 1: “You know guys I think penguins are mammals, because they got fur. ”
Me: *addressing everybody at exhibit* “The penguin is a unique bird that can ‘fly’ in the water.”
Teenager 2: *after looking at his friends in awe* “I still think it’s a fish.”
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6
Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”
Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”
Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”
Me: “No, I don’t think so.”
Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”
Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”
Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”