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  • Making False Bald Statements
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Free Derange

    | Venice Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what does free range chicken mean?”

    Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

    Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

    Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken scratch so they can read it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

    Acting Nutty

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

    Customer: “Is sent?”

    Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

    Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”

    Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

    | Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

    Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

    Customer: “What other meats?”

    Me: “Turkey.”

    Customer: “And…”

    Me: “Dog?”

    (The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

    When Flippers Attack

    | UK | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    Child: “Mum, what’s that?” *points to dolphin skeleton*

    Mother: “That’s a dolphin, dear. It eats people.”

    What What It’s A Butt

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

    Mother:  “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me:  “How may I help you?”

    Mother:  “Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

    (I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

    Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

    Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

    Child:  “What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

    Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

    Me:  “Er…that’s…”

    Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

    Me:  “…its butt.”

    Mother:  *look of relief*

    (They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

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