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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    What What It’s A Butt

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

    Mother:  ”Excuse me, miss?”

    Me:  ”How may I help you?”

    Mother:  ”Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

    (I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

    Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

    Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

    Child:  ”What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

    Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

    Me:  ”Er…that’s…”

    Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

    Me:  ”…its butt.”

    Mother:  *look of relief*

    (They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

    A Victim Of Fur-Ball Abuse

    | Ft Worth, TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

    Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

    Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

    Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

    (At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

    Me: “Fancy.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

    (She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

    Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

    (We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

    No Paws For Thought

    | Canada | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, [Public Transport], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

    Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

    (We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

    Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

    Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

    Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

    Caller: “Why not?!”

    (The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

    Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”

    Customer’s A Real Dodo

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Hey, do you guys sell any extinct fish?”

    (I pause to see if she is messing with me, but she is serious.)

    Me: “No, sorry. They are really hard to come by.”

    Dog Gone Crazy

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

    (A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Where is chili?”

    Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

    Customer: “Is chili in can?”

    (I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

    Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

    Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

    Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

    Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

    Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

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