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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “That’ll be $*.**. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

    Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides I only drink coffee, not water.”

    Buffalos In The Mist

    | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I’m looking for some cheese, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”

    Me: “Well, we carry over 100 different kinds of cheese. Is there anything that you know about it?”

    Customer: “It’s a type of Parmesan cheese, and I think it was made from gorilla milk.”

    Me: “Gorilla? Uh, do you mean buffalo?”

    Customer: “They’re the same thing!”

    Models Are Always Catty

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple is holding at a kitten and waiting in line at a closed register.)

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy this cat?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if I could get this in a different color?”

    Me: “Well, we have many different colors of kittens. If you’ll come with me I can show you some others we have.”

    Customer: “Well, I mean I want this model kitten, but in a different color.”

    Me: “Well, kittens don’t really work that way. They have all different fur patterns and colors.”

    Customer: “Yes. I want this fur pattern but a different color!”

    Customer’s husband: “Sweetie, I think she’s trying to say that the kittens will look different no matter what.”

    Customer: “If she wanted to sell me something, she would look for the right model kitten! This is terrible service! How dare they! Honey, we’re going to a different pet store!”

    You’ve Got To Be Kitten

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A caller says she’s found a kitten and is getting information on our services.)

    Me: “…we also recommend spaying or neutering the kitten. This can be done around 4-6 months of age.”

    Caller: “What would the cost be for that?”

    Me: “A spay surgery runs about $100, and a neuter runs a little cheaper, around $70.  The spay is a bit more expensive because it’s more invasive and takes more time to do.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. I would definitely do the neuter since it’s cheaper.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the surgery depends on the kitten’s gender. If it’s a female, it’ll be a spay, and if it’s a male, it’ll be a neuter.”

    Caller: “Why the difference?”

    Hiss-terical Contest

    | London, UK | Pets & Animals, Top

    (It is closing time. I come across a man in the reptile section staring intently at one of our pythons.)

    Me: “Sir, just to let you know, the store will be closing in about–”

    (The customer silences me and continues to watch the snake.)

    Me: “Sir, did you–”

    Customer: “I heard you. I’ll be out in a minute. This brat mcan’t last much longer.”

    (The snake moves to the side, and so does the customer. It slithers back to its original position and he  suite. I notice his eyes are quivering all this time and he hasn’t blinked once.)

    Me: “Sir, forgive my asking but are you trying to have a staring contest with Archie there?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “You do know snakes can’t blink, right?”

    Customer: “Oh, now you tell me? I’ve been challenging this brat for the last ten minutes!”


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