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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Bad Karma Chameleons

    | Honolulu, HI, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Excuse me, why do you sell live crickets?”

    Me: “They’re bought as food for Jackson Chameleons, birds, and other animals. They have to be sold live because Jackson Chameleons have poor eyesight and can only see their food if it’s moving.”

    Customer: “That’s terrible! So they’re just going to die?”

    Me: “Well, chameleons have to eat, too. But it’s okay. It happens so fast that the crickets won’t see it coming.”

    Customer: “That’s so cruel! Why doesn’t someone tell them?! If I was going to be eaten, I’d certainly want to know!”

    Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

    Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

    Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

    Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

    Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

    Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

    Free Derange

    | Venice Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what does free range chicken mean?”

    Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

    Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

    Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken scratch so they can read it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

    Acting Nutty

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I am helping a customer scan and email important documents to his insurance company. He speaks English very poorly.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. The email is sending now. It will just take a moment. There! Sent!”

    Customer: “Is sent?”

    Me: “Yes. Your agent should get the email any second now.”

    Customer: “Oh! Am so happy! Happy like SQUIRREL!”

    Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

    | Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

    Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

    Customer: “What other meats?”

    Me: “Turkey.”

    Customer: “And…”

    Me: “Dog?”

    (The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

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