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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Noah’s Nondescript Ark

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

    Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

    No Sting In This Tale

    | Silver Spring, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (Note: we sell fake jelly fish as tank decorations.)

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “I want some jelly fish, but I need you to answer some questions first.”

    Me: “Of course. Go for it.”

    Customer: “How do I keep them alive in this plastic packaging?”

    Me: “They aren’t alive.”

    Customer: “So why are you trying to sell them?!”

    Me: “They’re decorations. They’re made of plastic.”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know this?”

    Me: “They are plastic, have a string attached to them, have a sign that says ‘plastic jelly fish’, and they say ‘made in china’ on them.”

    Customer: *pause* “I’ll just take one of those castle decorations…”

    Not Quite An Eggs-pert

    | St Paul, MN, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

    Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

    Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

    Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

    Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

    Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”

    Related:
    Asking The Eggs-pert

    With Customers Like These, Who Needs Anemones

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Guest: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Me: “Hi there! Do you have a question?”

    Guest: “Yes. What is this?” *points to a specimen*

    Me: “That is called a sea anemone.”

    Guest: “Oh…” *walks away, only to walk back a few moments later* “What are they the enemies of?”

    Wifi Works Best With A Mouse

    | Newark, NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in this ‘wifi’ you’ve got. I want it in my house.”

    Me: “Do you have a cable or DSL connection?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Do you have a device hooked up to a phone line or cable line that gives you internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, I do. Can you bring me a wifi?”

    Me: “Sure miss, we’ve got our routers all over in this area.”

    Customer: “Routers? Won’t that scare the wifi away?”


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