October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

In Need Of A Golden Nugget

, | LA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I’m working the drive-thru window when a customer orders two meals, plus two extra 12-nugget boxes. I don’t think anything of it, as this is fairly normal, but then they drive up. There are two large dogs in the back, where the seats are folded down, and the customer and her husband in the front seats.)

Me: “That will be [price].” *sees the dogs* “Oh, I love dogs! Yours are gorgeous! Are they Huskies?”

Customer: “Aw, thank you, honey! Well, one is, and one’s a Malamute.”

(I have quickly processed the transaction as we chat, and I hand her card back, then her drinks, and then the bags.)

Me: “They look really well-behaved, too.”

Customer: “Oh, yes. They were so good at the dog park, we had to come get them a treat. They just love [Restaurant].”

(As she’s saying this, she hands one nugget box to her husband, they both open them as if on cue, and put them in the back where the dogs gobble them down.)

Me: *blinks* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, we will. Bye!”

(They drive off, and my coworker and I look at each other.)

Coworker: “She just spent ten bucks on those dogs… I need that kind of money.”

Will Have To Take His Query With A Pinch Of Saltwater

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I am a manager at a pet store. I notice customer looking at the fish so I greet him.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “I have a fish tank I set up last week and I’m ready to put a ‘Nemo fish’ in it.” *I assume he means a clown fish*

Me: “Salt water is always fun. We have a few different species of clown fish as well as other species of fish that can go with them.”

Customer: “I already picked the others I want.” *walks me over to the platys*

Me: “You said you have a saltwater set, right?”

Customer: “That’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but platys are fresh water and unable to live in salt water.”

Customer: “So they can’t live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Customer: “Well, what do I need so they can live together?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir… they can’t. One is freshwater and the other is saltwater.”

Customer: “But what do I need so I can mix them?”

Me: “Sir, as I said, they can’t be mixed. It’s biologically impossible to mix them. They need opposite types of water to live, salt or fresh.”

Customer: “Listen to me, god d*** it! Just tell me what I need to put them in the same tank!”

Me: “The only way to keep them in the same tank is if you have a tank divider and make one side freshwater and the other side salt water.”

Customer: “Well I might as well have two tanks then, but I’m not buying another f****** tank. NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO HAVE BOTH OF THOSE FISH IN THE SAME DAMN TANK!”

(At this point I’m not sure how I can more accurately explain why this wont work the way he wants. He starts cursing at me to fix his problem and becomes very irate.)

Me: “Well, sir, you’re going to have to engineer a new fish that can live in both, and if you manage that I’m sure will win some kind of prize.”

(The tank ended up being a one-gallon desktop tank, although this was not as bad as a customer that got mad because I would not sell them a bearded dragon, a turtle, and a scorpion to all live in the same 10-gallon tank. That one wanted the animals to be friends and said I was stupid when I told her they would kill each other.)

A Very Purr-sonable Cat

| Dearborn, OH, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work at a shelter that has a big Maine Coon cat that has the run of the place. He never goes outside and likes to sit on the lap of whoever is at the computer working. Even though he’s huge, about 28 pounds, most of it is muscle. He’s a very docile cat and loves people. For the most part, our customers love him.)

Coworker: “[My Name], we got some people pulling in. Can you grab Corky?”

(I grab the Maine Coon and set him on the counter in a crouched position, holding his flank lightly to keep him still. He’s already trilling excitedly at the thought of guests.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [Shelter]. Can we help you?”

(A woman, man, and two kids wander in.)

Woman: “Yes, we’d like to take a look at your kittens.”

Coworker: “Sure. [My Name], can you take them to the cat room?”

Me: “Sure. Here, take Corky.”

(I go to hand her Corky and the woman suddenly screams.)

Woman: “That’s a Lynx! You have a LYNX here!”

(She grabs her kids and yanks them back.)

Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, this is Corky, our resident Maine Coon. He’s not a Lynx; he’s just a very large breed of cat.”

Man: “What the h*** kind of place is this?! Those animals are dangerous! Why do you have one running around where children are?!”

Me: “Uh, sir? Maine Coons are extremely friendly. The biggest danger to your kids is he’d just knock them over by accident.”

Woman: “How DARE you threaten my babies! I’m reporting this awful place and have you arrested for harboring that vicious thing!”

(They storm out, leaving us to stare after them in bafflement. We got a visit later from a local police officer.)

Officer: “Hey, I got a call about a ‘vicious rabid animal’ on the loose in this building.”

(I pick Corky up off the counter. Corky is a happy combination of purring and trilling at the sight of him.)

Officer: “Uh huh, that’s what I thought.”

The Birds And The Bees And The Fish

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(An adult calls our aquarium with a question.)

Caller: “Do red devils have babies?”

(Red devils are a type of cichlid.)

Me: *thinking this is a prank* “Yes, they do.”

Caller: “How does that happen?”

Me: “Well, when a boy fish and a girl fish love each other very much…”

Caller: “No, no, I get that, but I had a male and it was fine, but when I put a female in the tank with it, after a while there were all these tiny red fish in there.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: *sounding confused* “So are they…?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But how does that happen?!”

Me: “What exactly are you asking me?”

Caller: “I’m asking you if my fish can have babies!”

Me: “Yes. Yes, they can.”

An Odd Place To Have A Pet Hate

| TX, USA | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(This is a phone call I received from a client.)

Me: “Animal Clinic, this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was hoping to reschedule my appointment. I tried coming in yesterday, but the lobby was very full of pets, and it aggravated my allergies. Could I make an appointment for a time when the lobby won’t be full of pets?”

Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that this is a veterinary clinic? I cannot guarantee that the lobby won’t have other pets in it at any time. First thing in the morning will probably be your best bet for it not being too crowded.”

Customer: “Okay, but if the lobby is too full of pets again, then I’ll have to leave. You really should be more considerate about people’s allergies.”

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