July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Entreating You For The Treats

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I lock up and clean the vet clinic where I work. It’s a Saturday evening after a long, busy day. I’m in the middle of mopping the main lobby when I hear a knock at the glass door.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re closed until Monday morning.”

Man: “Miss, please, you have to let me in!”

Me: “I can’t let you in. There is an emergency vet clinic down the road if your pet needs a veterinarian.”

Man: “No, please, it’s an emergency!”

Me: “I can’t let you in! I could be fired!”

Man: *starts shaking the door*

Me: “SIR! Please stop doing that! I told you I can’t let you in! If you continue to shake the door, I’m going to call the police!”

Man: *on the verge of tears* “Please… please, let me in….”

Me: “Do you need to pick up medicine or something? I can’t let you in, but maybe I can call my boss to help you.”

Man: “No, I need [Brand of dog treats].”

Me: “There’s a pet store down the street that sells them as well.”

Man: “REALLY?”

Me: “Yes…”

Man: “THANKS! I OWE YOU!”

(I never saw him again. Dude, I hope you got your treats.)

Ignoring The Elephant In The Room

| Corning, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

(I’m a cashier at a local store. A man and a boy about seven walk in.)

Me: “Did you know you have a sticker of an elephant on your back?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my son here put something on my back a moment ago before walking in. I thought it was one of those ‘kick me’ signs.”

Me: *laughing* “Nope, just an elephant.”

(Overhearing, another customer walks over:)

Customer #2: “Maybe it’s opening its mouth.”

(Customer #1 gets a very confused look on his face and very slowly turns around, obviously trying to understand what Customer #2 meant, as was I.)

Customer #2: “What?”

(Pauses.)

Customer #2: “You know, to say ‘kick me?'”

Making False Bald Statements

| KS, USA | Pets & Animals, School

(I am currently working in the birds of prey section when a group of students and a few chaperones walk in.)

Chaperone #1: *points at golden eagle* “Look kids! It’s the state bird of America.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s actually a golden eagle. The bald eagle is the national bird.”

Chaperone #1: “I went to school for four years. I think I know what the state bird of America is!”

Me: “I’m not questioning your intelligence, ma’am, but America does not have a ‘state bird.’ It’s national symbol is, in fact, the bald eagle. If you look at the sign in front of the exhibit you will see that this is a golden eagle.”

Chaperone #1: “That’s a f****** bald eagle! I’m a history teacher! I know my s***!”

Chaperone #2: “Michelle, you are not a teacher! You are merely a chaperone. If you continue to act like this you will never be a chaperone again.”

Chaperone #1: *dumbfounded*

Student: “You tell her, Mrs. [Chaperone #2]!”

You’re Minnow Good

| MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(A customer comes into our fish department and points at the minnows.)

Customer: “I want 30 these!”

(Being the new girl in training, I count out 30 minnows, bag them, and start tying off the bag. Then, after watching me the entire time closely, the customer speaks up.)

Customer: “They too small! You grabbed small ones!”

(So my trainer comes over to see what the problem is. I explain I grabbed all the minnows from the large minnow tank and my trainer confirms this with the customer. However the customer continues:)

Customer: “She grabbed all small ones and I want big ones!”

(The coworker training me wanted to choke him with a bag but instead dumped the 30 fish back into the tank and re-caught 30 ‘bigger’ minnows. They were all the same size.)

Taking Care Of Business At Your Business

| Richmond, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

(I work in big box retail. I walk out to the garden center to see dog poop on the floor. An old lady is fifty feet away with a dog.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, we only allow service animals in the store. Otherwise it’s a health code violation, and that is an example of why. Can I get you to clean up after your dog, please?”

Customer: “What?! He didn’t do that!”

(I manage not to say, ‘Did you do it, then?’)

Me: “Ma’am, he’s the only dog in the store, and this is why we do not allow them. The cashier will be glad to give you a plastic bag.”

Customer: “Well, can I finish my shopping first?”

Me: “No, I don’t want another customer to step in it. Please clean it up.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to walk all the way [to the register]; can you bring me the bag?”

(We are literally ten feet away from the register.)

Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Thank you for taking care of that.”

Customer: “I still don’t think he did it.”

(I walked away. Quickly.)

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