Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

Flamingoing From Bad To Worse

| Lexington, KY, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

(I am a cashier on register with no one in my line. The phone rings:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(There is an obviously drunk woman on phone:)

Caller: “Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I didn’t hear that. Could you say it again?”

Caller: “A flamingo! Do you sell flamingos?”

Me: “You mean the pink bird at the zoo?”

Caller: “Yes, flamingos! Do you sell flamingos?”

(At this point a customer comes up to my register.)

Me: “No ma’am; we do not sell flamingos or any other kind of exotic animal. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Caller: “Too bad. What about giraffes?”

Me: “Tell you what. Call back when you are sober. I have a customer waiting.” *click*

Customer: “Did they seriously ask for a flamingo?”

Me: “Yep, and a giraffe. Sorry you had to wait.”

Customer: “You do know it’s rush week, right?”

(There are no less than six universities in the city. Rush week is when freshmen pledge to a sorority or fraternity and have to do challenges to get in.)

Me: “Oh, no! Thanks for the warning.”

(I let my manager know. We got ten similar calls that day, and more the rest of the week.)

Kitten Smitten

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I’m working on the till at a charity shop when a woman walks in. She has a small handbag, and while it’s open, I can’t see inside. She comes up to me with a book.)

Woman: “Just this, please.”

(I ring her up and tell her the price. When she reaches into her handbag for her purse, I see she has a folded blue blanket with something furry and ginger inside. Naturally, I assume it’s a cuddly toy for a child.)

Woman: *sees me looking* “Oh, do you like him?”

Me: “Him?”

(She takes the object and blanket out of her handbag to show me. To my astonishment, it’s not a cuddly toy, but a ginger kitten so small that its eyes aren’t open!)

Me: “Why do you have a kitten in your bag?”

Woman: *cradling the blanketed kitten gently* “He was pulled out of a burning building, and I’ve been hand-rearing him. I don’t go anywhere without him because he’s so small. At least he’s getting better after the fire!”

(I finish ringing her up and take a moment to pet the kitten. She puts him carefully back into her handbag.)

Woman: “Now to see if I can get him into [Supermarket]!”

Me: “…good luck with that!”

(Later, my manager scolded me for not calling her down. She wanted to pet the kitten, too.)

(Two Can) Play At That Game

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(This guy comes in roughly every other day, and buys one can of cat food at a time.)

Customer: “Do you have any more [Brand] cat food?”

Me: “There’s none on the shelf?”

Customer: “No, I just want the new ones.”

(I look at the delivery that just came in, and see the cans he want are on the very BOTTOM of a stack of about 15 cases.)

Me: “I am NOT moving all of those cases for one can.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll buy four.”

(I move all the cases, causing a landslide in the process.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just get two cans.”

H2-Slow, Part 6

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(A lady comes in looking for a fish.)

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Lady: “Well, I want to get a fish for my daughters birthday.”

Me: “Any type of fish in mind?”

Lady: *points to the betta fish* “This one is very pretty, so this one.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a tank for it?” *points to tank*

Lady: “I don’t need a tank; I can just put him in a cup.”

Me: “Um, ma’am. You cannot just put a fish in a cup. It needs to be in a tank.”

Lady: “That’s silly; all it needs is water and a cup!”

Me: “How about food? It needs more room than just a cup. Also, it needs a filter.”

Lady: “Wait, doesn’t it eat the water?”

(I told her all the stuff she needed for the fish. Instead she got a hamster because it was much easier to take care of. I made sure to give her guidebooks and told her to call us whenever she needed help with something.)

Related:
H2Slow, Part 5
H2Slow, Part 4
H2Slow, Part 3

They Can’t Bee Serious

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(I work in a health food store that stocks a pretty good line of all kinds of different specialty honeys.)

Customer: *holds up jar* “Excuse me. This honey… is it from free-range bees?”

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