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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Tried Explaining Until The Cows Came Home

    | Santa Monica, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “What type of leather is this bag made from?”

    Coworker: “It’s made of cow.”

    Customer: “What’s a cow?”

    (My coworker tries to hide his general shock at this question.)

    Coworker: “You know the black and white spotted animal? It lives on a farm?”

    Customer: *shakes her head* “I don’t know.”

    Coworker: “Where do we get our milk from?”

    Customer: *shakes her head again* “I don’t know.”

    (My coworker stopped short of actually mooing like a cow and that whole exchange

    Introduction To Reality

    | CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (We do dog intros with the owner’s dog and our dog to make sure that when our dog goes home it won’t attack their dog and vice versa. During the intros we ask the owner to wait outside so that we can see how their dog reacts one on one with the other dog. The dog the old woman has picked to do a dog intro with isn’t friendly with her dog at all. She tried to bite several times and the woman’s dog looks very uncomfortable.)

    Me: “Unfortunately, your dog and our dog didn’t get along, so I am not able to approve this dog intro. But if there is another dog that you like we can do another dog intro.”

    Older Woman: “But I wanted that one. I want her!”

    Me: “I am really sorry but I cannot let you take that puppy home. She tried to bite your dog.”

    Older Woman: “But that’s the dog I want. OH, I really want her. I am going to take her home.”

    Me: “She was being really unfriendly with your dog. Your dog was being very nice, but was trying to get away from her. I would be happy to do another dog intro, though, if you have another dog in mind.”

    (She keeps telling me how much she wants the dog.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, we are not allowed to let you take the dog home. She would just attack your dog.”

    Older Woman: “Okay, I’ll see if there are anymore dogs.”

    Me: “That sounds great! Unfortunately you cannot take your dog out to the kennels, but I would be happy to hold your dog for you while you look!”

    Older Woman: “Okay.”

    (I sat in the lobby with her dog for almost an hour, waiting. People went out into the kennels to make sure she was still there. Eventually she came back and said she didn’t want to see any other dogs and left still mumbling about how she still wanted that dog.)

    Pet Owners Should Not Be Airheads

    | USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes in with her eight-year-old son. The fish are in small, plastic cups for the customers to view.)

    Son: “Mommy! Look at the fishies!”

    Customer: *looks at fish* “How nice.”

    Son: “Can I get one?”

    Customer: “Sure. Pick a fish, and let’s go.”

    (They come to the counter, holding a fish.)

    Son: “But, mommy, doesn’t he need a tank, and filter?”

    Customer:  ”No, don’t be silly. He can live in the cup.”

    Son: “But he needs a filter for air!”

    Customer:  ”Don’t be so ridiculous. He’s a fish. He doesn’t need air. He breathes water.”

    Me: “Actually, he’s right. This kind of fish needs at least a two gallon tank to live in, as well as a filter, gravel, and food.”

    (The customer storms out with her son, mumbling about how we were ‘being stupid.’)

    It’s Imaginary Dog Eat Dog

    | UK | Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month

    (I am in a large second-hand bookshop that allows dogs as long as they are leashed. There are signs prominently displayed with that information. I am sitting in a small lounge area and nearby are coffee machines and plates of biscuits bought on the honesty system. You take what you want and drop money in a box. I get up and leave my 14-year-old, very well behaved, miniature poodle, Fred, by the chair, with the handle of his lead under a chair leg. As I get coffee I do not see Fred take a few steps forward and, friendly, approach another dog which snarls and barks at him. I turn around to see Fred sit back down by the chair. I ask the owners of the other dog if everything is all right and they apologise for their dog’s aggressiveness. Neither dog came into contact with each other and the other dog has calmed down. No harm done. I sit down and a customer sitting next to me speaks:)

    Customer: “They shouldn’t allow dogs in here. They were fighting.”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir. Dogs are permitted. There are signs all over the place and these dogs were not fighting. There was a small altercation but everything is fine now.”

    Customer: “You should get those dogs out of here. I know the owner. I’ll complain.”

    Me: “Go and complain, then. See how far it gets you.”

    (He leaves and minutes later the owner of the shop approaches with the man and asks about the ‘dog fight.’ I and the owners of the other dog explain what happened and a member of staff who witnessed everything confirms our version of events. The man is by now red faced and clearly angry and the owner turns to him:)

    Owner: “You lied to me, sir. You said there was a dog fight but the dogs never came into contact with each other.”

    Customer: “But dogs should not be allowed in here.”

    Owner: “This is my shop. I decide if dogs come in here and these dogs are welcome. I also decide which humans come in here and you are no longer welcome. Get out and don’t come back.”

    (Moments passed before the man realised he lost and he left. The best part of the story? When I sat back down Fred and the other dog were sitting side by side happily sniffing each other as if they had known each other for years.)

    Let The Cat Out Of The Bag

    | NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals, Theme Of The Month, Transportation

    (I work for moving truck company. When your truck breaks down, you call me.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Truck Company] Emergency Road Service. My name is [My Name]. May I have your first and last name?”

    Customer: “LOOK HERE, B****! YOU DON’T NEED MY NAME! MY TRUCK IS ON FIRE AND I’VE GOT 8,000 PARAKEETS IN THE BACK OF IT!”

    Me: “I understand, sir. I suggest you hang up and call 911 and give them your location. If you’re on the highway they can usually find you by your nearest mile-marker or exit—”

    Customer: “YOU NEED TO SEND SOMEONE OUT HERE NOW! YOU’RE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS F****** PIECE OF S***! I’M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY!”

    Me: “Sir, your animals’ lives are in danger and yours might be, too. Please disconnect this call and phone the fire department.”

    Customer: “IT DON’T MATTER! THEY’RE ALL ALREADY DEAD AND I’M OUT OF THE D*** TRUCK! THEY WERE FOR STUFFING!”

    Me: “Sir, are you telling me that you have thousands of dead parakeets for taxidermy in the back of your truck and that you’re still not going to call the emergency line to get the fire department to come put our truck out? Sir, are you aware that our policy dictates that you may not have animals in our vehicles, dead or alive?”

    Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A F*** WHAT YOUR POLICY DICTATES! I WAS GOING TO MAKE THOUSANDS OFF THOSE BIRDS AND NOW YOU’RE GOING TO PAY ME FOR THEM BECAUSE YOUR TRUCK BURST INTO FLAMES!”

    (I just hit the insurance line without a word, and went on break. My poor supervisor pinged me when I got back, laughing himself sick.)

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