Featured:
  • My Roommate Is My Pet Hate
    (891 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Providing Unique Lip Service

    | Longmont, CO, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

    (I work at a large store that sells nothing but beauty items for women.)

    Customer: “I have a very weird question for you.”

    Me: “Yay! Those are my favorite kind of questions!”

    Customer: “I need very small, very sharp scissors.”

    Me: “Well, that’s not weird at all. Let me show you where our cuticle and nail scissors are; that’s exactly what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “I haven’t told you what I need them for. I need to cut the lips off my fish.”

    (I stop dead in my tracks, thinking I couldn’t possibly have heard her correctly. I give her a puzzled look.)

    Customer: “That’s right. I need tiny scissors to cut the lips off my fish.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I have an Angel fish with a large pucker, and she’s my pride and joy. She developed a cancerous growth on her lips. The vet wants an outrageous amount of money to remove it. He said if I wanted, and was brave enough, I could cut off her lips myself.”

    (I try to keep my composure, relay my sympathy, and show her the selection of tiny scissors. She makes her decision, and I take her to the register.)

    Me: “I wish you luck with your fish!”

    Customer: “Thank you, I need it. By the way, do you happen to know a close-by liquor store? I don’t usually drink, but I may need a glass of wine before my adventure!”

    (Luckily there was a liquor store nearby. I thanked her for asking the weirdest question I have ever heard in my many years in retail. She laughed and said no one was going to believe me. I hope her fish is okay!)

    Not Feline This Sub

    , | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I work in a popular sandwich shop.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a tuna sub please.”

    (I make the sandwich and the customer pays and leaves. Forty minutes later the customer comes back with an oddly mulled sandwich.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to exchange this for a new sub.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. Was there something wrong with the tuna?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “I brought it home and went to get something done. I came back to the kitchen and my cat was on the table eating it.”

    Me: *blinking in shock* “I’m sorry, sir, but we aren’t responsible for your pets eating your food…”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD REPLACE THIS! THE SANDWICH IS DAMAGED AND I CAN’T EAT IT! YOU SHOULD REPLACE IT!”

    (I can be very sarcastic when annoyed.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t. We can, however, see about getting your cat its own sub card.”

    (The customer proceeded to throw the sub, which was filled with cat hair, on the counter and scream at my me, threatening to call corporate on me before storming out. If the cat was rating the sub we’d have gotten two paws up because most of it was gone.)

    A Rock Solid Alternative

    | Nanuet, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I’m the manager and am back in the aquatics department writing up the weekly order of fish when a woman and her two young kids approach me:)

    Customer: “How long do these fish live?” *she gestures to a tank full of assorted community fish*

    Me: “Usually a few years, ma’am, sometimes longer or shorter, depending on the fish.”

    Customer: “And these?” *holds up the betta cup she brought over*

    Me: “Bettas generally live up to three years. It’s possible for them to live longer, but it’s uncommon.”

    Customer: “How old is this one?”

    Me: “I don’t have an exact age, but it’s approximately a year. Baby bettas are very plain, so we don’t sell them because you won’t know what color you’re getting.”

    Customer: “How long will this one live, then?”

    Me: “Given the average lifespan, about 1 to 2 years.”

    Customer: “That’s too short. What do you have that doesn’t die.”

    Me: “…Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I want a pet that doesn’t die. What do you have that doesn’t die?”

    Me: “Rocks.”

    Avoid A Shake With The Snake

    | WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    (It’s Valentine’s day and my boyfriend and I are at a restaurant. While we are waiting for a table, we go to a pet store next door where we hold a ball python. After we get seated, he gets up to go the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way, he passes a waiter that we know well.)

    Waiter: “Hey, man, how’s it going?” *sticks out his hand to shake*

    Boyfriend: “Sorry, man, I’d shake but I was just playing with a python.”

    (It didn’t the hit him until he was in the bathroom how dirty it sounded.)

    Will Have To Chew On That Lie For A While

    | ID, USA | Books & Reading, Pets & Animals

    (Our policy is that if a patron returns a book damaged, they pay for it. We get a lot of arguments that “it was like that when I checked it out,” but we check items for damage before they’re checked out.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry; it looks like this book was returned with damage. There’ll be a replacement fee.”

    Patron: “I didn’t do it! It was like that before I checked it out!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, this book has been dog-chewed. There’s no way we would check a book out in this condition.”

    Patron: “But it couldn’t have been me! I don’t even own a dog!”

    (The book in question was a puppy-training manual.)

    Page 5/71First...34567...Last