Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!
(A customer brings her dog to the front desk in a panic.)
Customer: “My dog has fleas, so I need you to help me. I have been using the flea medication you gave me, but I can still see flea eggs.”
Me: “Ma’am, you can see flea eggs?”
Customer: “I have been trying to pick them off, but they seem to be stuck.”
Me: “Ok, can you show me the eggs you have been trying to pick off?”
(Customer lifts up the dog to show me it’s belly.)
Customer: “See! These!”
Me: “Ma’am, those are not flea eggs, they are his nipples.”
Customer: “Nipples? But he’s a male, how does he have nipples? They have to be flea eggs.”
Me: “I assure you, he has no fleas, and the ‘eggs’ you have been trying to pick off are in fact his nipples.”
Customer: “Get the vet, you don’t know what you’re talking about, he’s a male! He can’t have nipples.”
Me: “Ma’am, do human males have nipples?”
Customer: *stares blankly for a moment* “Well s***!” *walks out*
Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a pet for my daughter. I think she’d like one of those furry things. You know, a pikachu?”
Me: *pause* “A pikachu?”
Customer: “Yeah, you know. It looks like a hamster and a rabbit put together.”
Me: “Do you mean a chinchilla?”
Customer: “Yeah! That’s it!”
(A middle aged couple come into the tropical fish section and ask me about their algae-eating fish.)
Customer: "Hello, we bought some algae eaters a while back, and they died after about 2 weeks. We bought some more and they did exactly the same after 2 weeks and we were just wondering what could have been wrong with them?"
Me: "What have you been feeding them?"
Customer: "Nothing, we thought they ate the algae."
Me: "They do, if there’s enough to go around."
Customer: “Oh dear. Well they did keep the glass awfully clear."
(We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)
Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”
Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”
Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.”
Guest: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”
Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”
(At this time we are having a “fishing derby” where kids can bring fish in and we will measure them. The three biggest fish that have been caught have their measurements on a board.)
Customer: “Are these fish measured in feet?”
Me: “No, they are measured in inches.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “I’m positive considering the biggest according to the board would have to be 17 feet, and the only fish I can think of that can grow to be 17 feet long is a shark.”
Customer: “You have sharks in this lake?!”