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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

    | Quebec, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

    Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

    Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

    Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

    Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

    Like A Fish Out Of Water

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

    Customer: “My fish died again.”

    Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

    Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

    (I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

    Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

    Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

    Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

    Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

    Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

    Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

    (Don’t) See How They Run

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

    Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

    Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

    (I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

    Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

    Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

    Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

    (I show her the mice we have for sale).

    Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

    Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

    Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

    Not On Their Best Bee-hive-ior

    | Maryland, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A customer is running around the perennial section like a maniac.)

    Me: “Is everything okay, ma’am?”

    Customer: “The bees!  They’re chasing me!”

    Me: “They really won’t bother you, ma’am. They’re too interested in the flowers to pay much attention to you.”

    Customer: “That’s easy for you to say! The bees KNOW you!”

    Espresso Yourself Can Cause A Latte Problems

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “That’ll be $*.**. Also, would you also like to make a donation to our water conservation fund?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “It helps to save habitats for animals and–”

    Customer: “But why would we need to pay for that? Water doesn’t run out. I’ve left my faucets on all day and water came out the whole time! And besides I only drink coffee, not water.”


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