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  • Using The Lord’s Name Doesn’t Deliver
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  • July Theme Of The Month: Animal Madness!
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

    | Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

    Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

    Customer: “What other meats?”

    Me: “Turkey.”

    Customer: “And…”

    Me: “Dog?”

    (The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

    When Flippers Attack

    | UK | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    Child: “Mum, what’s that?” *points to dolphin skeleton*

    Mother: “That’s a dolphin, dear. It eats people.”

    What What It’s A Butt

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (A mother comes in looking to get a hamster for her four children. They range in age from 3 to 10.)

    Mother:  ”Excuse me, miss?”

    Me:  ”How may I help you?”

    Mother:  ”Can you tell me if this hamster is a girl?”

    (I look at the hamster in question. It’s most definitely male.)

    Mother, to me: *quietly* “Just say it’s a girl.”

    Me: “Yes, it’s a girl.”

    Mother, to children: “Yes, this one’s a girl. We can call her Jessie.”

    Child:  ”What’s that hanging off the back of the hamster?” *points to the hamster’s prominent testicles*

    Mother: *looks at me in desperation*

    Me:  ”Er…that’s…”

    Mother:  *frantic look of desperation*

    Me:  ”…its butt.”

    Mother:  *look of relief*

    (They ended up buying the hamster in spite of its large…butt.)

    A Victim Of Fur-Ball Abuse

    | Ft Worth, TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (I had helped a customer adopt an adorable short-haired tabby. A few days later, she comes back.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange this cat. I’m allergic.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We can give you a voucher and you’re more than welcome to look at the puppies we have up for adoption.”

    Customer: “No, no. I’d like another cat. A long-hair.”

    Me: “You’re allergic though. We can’t adopt more cats to you if you’re just going to bring them back.”

    Customer: “You misunderstood. I’m allergic to this one because it’s not–”

    (At this point she waves her hand in front of her face.)

    Me: “Fancy.”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “It’s just such a boring looking cat. I’d prefer something a little more fancy.”

    (She waves her hand in front of her face again. At this point I’m trying really hard not to laugh.)

    Customer: “Do you have any exotic *hand wave* cats? Anything *hand wave* fancy? Perhaps a Persian? I wouldn’t be allergic to that. Or maybe a Siamese? I’m not allergic to *hand wave* fancy cats.”

    (We ended up taking the kitten back and giving her a refund, but she is eternally barred from adopting cats from us.)

    No Paws For Thought

    | Canada | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hello, [Public Transport], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

    Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

    (We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

    Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

    Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

    Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

    Caller: “Why not?!”

    (The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

    Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”


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