Featured Story:
  • A Layaway Payaway
    (1,854 thumbs up)
  • Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Guess Who’s Flapping To Dinner

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “This may sound odd, but we’re looking for a light with a finish that’s resistant to…um…bird poop.”

    Me: “I’m guessing you have a pet? Well, no finish is going to stand up completely to that kind of thing, but we can look at a few things. What kind of light are you looking for?”

    Customer: “It’s for over our kitchen table.”

    (I proceed to find them some lights. Later on as I’m helping them out to their car…)

    Me: “Oh, I never did ask the name of your bird!”

    Customer: “Well, we have about 70 of them. Bye!” *drives off*

    Coworker: “Remind me not to accept any of their dinner invitations.”

    Ceiling Cat Is Watching You

    | USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi there, my name is Charlie—”

    Customer: “Charlie’s a boy’s name! You’re a girl!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Anyway, I’m calling from [company name] to talk to you about the new security system we’re offering.”

    Customer: “I don’t need it.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s really nifty and it has all sorts of special features if you’d allow me to describe them.”

    Customer: “Nah. I’ve got my girlfriend’s cat.”

    Me: “A…cat, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Any time anyone comes in the house, he won’t leave them alone until they feed him. He’s really cute, but it’s the most irritating thing ever. They’d get annoyed and leave!”

    Not Something To Horse Around About

    | New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We’ve just had a major accident in town. It’s a small department, and only one officer is on. A lady calls about fireworks going off near her house.)

    Me: “Good evening, [town] Police.”

    Caller: “There are fireworks going off and my horse is very upset!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but right now all calls that are not priority are being held. We have a major accident in town. Our officers cannot leave the scene right now.”

    Caller: “You mean to tell me that’s more important then my horse? He’s really upset! He’s crying!”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware horses could cry. I will let the officer know.”

    Caller: “You people should get your priorities straight! My horse is more important then any accident!” *hangs up*


    (To our US readers, from the NAR Staff: Happy 4th of July! Have fun and stay safe!)

    The Scales Will Never Fall From Her Eyes

    | California, USA | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (I am a female working in a reptile store, so it’s fairly common for people to question why I would be interested in snakes and lizards. On this particular day, I’m helping a woman and her 6-year-old daughter hold a snake.)

    Customer: “So, do you have any reptiles of your own at home?”

    Me: “Oh yes, I have a ton.” *laughs*

    Customer: “How does that affect your dating life? I mean, boys can’t possibly think that’s attractive in a girl!”

    (The customer’s question has caught me off guard, but I try to remain friendly.)

    Me: “Um, it doesn’t really have an effect. It’s not usually an issue.”

    Customer’s Daughter: “Mommy, can I get a pet snake?!”

    Customer: “No, sweetie. We want YOU to have boyfriends.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Unbearably Bad Ideas, Part 2

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (I am at the zoo with my little cousin to see the pandas that have recently arrived.)

    Visitor: “Aw, look at it! It’s just so cute! They’re not dangerous, are they?”

    Worker: “Um, well, they’re bears…they’re just as dangerous as other bears.

    Visitor: “But if I were to walk in to the enclosure, it wouldn’t hurt me. I could touch it, couldn’t I?”

    Worker: “Well, no. It’s a bear.”

    Visitor: “Oh, but the female! She must be very gentle. I could touch the female panda.”

    Worker: “Actually, she’s pretty feisty. I wouldn’t go near her, either!”

    Visitor: “Aw, I really thought they were cute and lovely, like big teddy bears! I’m so disillusioned now…”

    Related:
    Unbearably Bad Ideas

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