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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Wetness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Brisbane, Australia | Pets & Animals

    (I operate a mobile pet hydrobath, and I’m brushing knots out of a border collie before washing him. He is still completely dry when his owner comes out of the house.)

    Customer: “Where’s the drowned rat?”

    Me: *laughs* “He’s not drowned yet. I’m just going to brush out these knots.”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Aww, who’s a drowned rat?”

    (I figure he can’t see into the bath and didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “I haven’t washed him yet. I’m just giving him a good brush first.”

    (The owner climbs into the trailer where he can clearly see the completely dry dog.)

    Customer: *to his dog* “Now that’s a drowned rat if ever I saw one!”

    Me: “Heh, not yet—”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Who’s a drowned rat?”

    Why So Serious

    | Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am a vet assistant helping a woman who has brought in a small, very hyper dog. I lift the dog up on the table and it starts jumping all over the place.)

    Me: *jokingly* “It must be part kangaroo!”

    Woman: *very pointedly* “It’s. A. Dog.”

    Me: *speechless*

    My Day’s About To Get Hairy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

    Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

    Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

    Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

    Me: “Um, thanks.”

    Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

    Me: “Yes. I like them.”

    Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*

    No Returns On The Can Of Worms

    | Syracuse, NY, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m standing at the service center chatting with a co-worker when a customer walks up and places a bag on the counter.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return these pants.”

    Me: “Of course! Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in the bag.”

    (She opens the bag and little bugs come jumping out of the bag and scuttle around the counter.)

    Customer: “Those aren’t mine! I don’t even have animals! They aren’t
    mine!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Bow-Wow Bigotry

    | Kentucky, USA | Bigotry, Pets & Animals

    (At the doggie daycare, one of the play rooms has a glass window where customers can watch the dogs playing. We have a three-legged dog that is a daily regular in this playroom. I am working at the front desk. A customer, looking somewhat distressed, approaches the desk with a small child, who looks very distressed.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you could remove that three-legged dog from the playroom for just a few minutes. My daughter wants to watch the dogs, but the three-legged one is freaking her out.”

    Me: “I…I’m sorry ma’am, but we cannot remove her. She is a regular here and she is getting along well with the other dogs. Her owner has paid us to let her play in there. We will not remove her because someone feels uncomfortable with her appearance.”

    Customer: “Fine. I guess you all don’t care about your customers after all!” *huffs off*

    Me: *speechless*


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