• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Acting Like A Dog

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “You’re a very pretty girl. How old are you?”

    (I get flustered and blush as I finish the paperwork for his dog’s stay.)

    Me: “Uh, thank you, sir. I just, uh, I just turned 21.”

    Customer: “You’re still a little girl! I’ll be 40 this month. You know what that means: prostate exams. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (I am hurriedly finishing the paperwork.)

    Me: “Your total is $235. Thank you for choosing our kennel. I hope Bruiser enjoyed his stay! He’s a sweetie; we would welcome him back anytime.”

    Customer: “You didn’t answer my question. Do you know anything about prostate exams?”

    (He winks at me.)

    Me: “No, sir. I do not. How would you like to pay?”

    (He leans over the counter.)

    Customer: “A pretty little redhead like you? I’m sure you know a lot about a lot of things.”

    Me: “I see you’ve previously used Visa. Would you like for us to charge the same card?”

    Customer: “I’d like for you to answer my question, honey.”

    (A coworker has overheard our interaction came to the front. He is approximately 6’3″ and solid muscle. His hair is also a brighter shade of red than mine.)

    Coworker: “I heard somebody up here likes redheads.”

    Customer: “I was talking to—”

    Coworker: “I know who you were talking to, and if you do not stop talking to her, the only thing that will be up your a** is my foot. Now how would you like to pay, sir?”

    (The customer promptly pays. The kennel owner received complaints about both my coworker and I, but she had also had incredibly creepy interactions with this client. She informed him that his business was no longer welcome.)

    Her Slap Is Worse Than Her Bite

    | Waterford, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    (An elderly woman approaches me.)

    Customer: “Miss, can you please do me a favour?”

    Me: “Sure thing. How can I help?”

    Customer: “I need you to look after my dog.”

    (I am slightly alarmed, as we are in the fresh meat section.)

    Me: “Is your dog in the shop?”

    Customer: “Of course not! Who brings a dog to a shop?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry but I can’t mind your dog. As you can see I’m actually working in the store at the moment, so I can’t leave.”

    Customer: “Are you refusing to help me?!”

    Me: “No, miss. I’m afraid I simply can’t leave in the middle of a shift to mind a stranger’s dog.”

    (She proceeds to slap me HARD in the face.)

    Customer: “Why won’t you help me?!”

    (She slaps me on the other cheek, and storms away. I turn to find a queue of customers at customer service, and a coworker looking on in horror.)

    Me: “I need hazard pay for this job.”

    Other Customer: “Holy s***, how did you not slap her back?”

    Me: “Years of practice.”

    Polly Want A Manner, Part 2

    | VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I have just entered my vet’s office to pick up medicine for my dog. All is fine until I hear a horrible racket coming from one of the exam rooms. It sounds exactly like a toddler screaming ‘no, no, no, no!’ at the top of his lungs. I’m standing there dumbfounded, but the receptionist and some other customers are laughing.)

    Me: “What’s going on?!”

    Customer #1: “Trust me, you’ll love this.”

    (A few moments later, another woman comes out of the exam room. She has an animal carrier in her hands, and is blushing beet red. The receptionist’s phone rings, and a loud voice comes from the animal carrier.)

    Loud Voice: “Pick up ring ring! Pick up ring ring! PICK UP RING RING!”

    (The woman starts shouting at the people carrier.)

    Woman: “Maggie, quiet!”

    (I look in the carrier and see a very angry parrot staring back.)

    Woman: “I’m so sorry! I just adopted her from a coworker. I had no idea she did that! She hasn’t uttered a single word since I brought her home. And this was just a nail trim!”

    Polly Want A Manner

    Sheep Dogs Aren’t Sheepish

    | Prince William County, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (A client comes into my program with a very energetic Border Collie puppy.)

    Client: “My puppy is out of control. We live on a farm and needed a dog for our livestock. This is not what I wanted.”

    Me: “Okay, what is your puppy doing?”

    Client: “Chasing my goats and chickens all over the place!”

    Me: “Well this is a Border Collie, and they do herd. If the drive is not properly honed in to a herd, then a Border Collie will just chase.”

    Client: “But, I do not want my dog to chase my animals at all.”

    Me: “Then do not put your dog in with the animals.”

    Client: “But, I need her to protect my animals.”

    Me: “This is not what this breed was developed to do. This is an active, working breed that will chase.”

    Client: “But, I need her to lie quietly and just watch the animals.”

    Me: “It’s not in her breeding. What research did you do into Border Collies before you got one? Every piece of literature on dogs out there will tell you these are active dogs that will chase.”

    Client: “Well, I asked some guy at the local feed store what a good dog for working livestock was. He suggested a few breeds. I saw Babe, so I got a Border Collie.”

    Me: “Did you tell the feed store guy the type of job you wanted a dog to do?”

    Client: “Work livestock.”

    Me: “Work it how? Herding or guarding?”

    (The client just gives me a blank stare.)

    Me: “You have no idea the difference between herding and guarding?”

    Client: “I thought they were the same.”

    Me: “No. Have you had any farm experience?”

    Client: “No, we’re from the city. We thought it would be fun to move to this county and buy a small farm. But, now we have coyotes killing our animals.”

    Me: “So, you have no idea what you are doing at all?”

    Client: “No. It’s not as easy as it looks on TV huh?”

    Me: “No…”

    (Luckily, they did learn more about Border Collies. They got into a suitable sport after doing basic work with me, and I guided them to people who could help them get a proper livestock guarding dog.)

    A Dogged Request, Part 2

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

    (I am a cashier at a pet store that has a grooming salon. The customer is a very snotty woman who has a ticket from the groomers to ring up.)

    Customer: “I have a complaint about the service!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I can get a manager for you to speak to.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to speak to a manager.”

    Me: “Well, maybe I can help you. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I got this grooming and styling service for my Pomeranian, and the groomers asked if I’d like bows in her hair!”

    Me: “Okay. I’m not understanding what the problem is.”

    Customer: “I told them that would be alright. So I just got my dog back, and they did it all wrong. I don’t like the color of the ribbons they used. They’re ugly.”

    Me: “They used a different color than what you specified? Did you ask them to use different ones?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t ask for any other color. I just don’t like them.”

    Me: “Oh, well I’m sorry about that. I hope you have a nice day.” *continues to ring her up*

    Customer: “Wait a minute, aren’t you going to do something?”

    Me: “Well, if you don’t like the color, I’m sure the groomer will be happy to let you pick out different ribbons.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to.”

    Me: “If they’re that ugly you could always just remove them.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to do that. I want you to do something about it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m just the cashier. The employees in the salon would be able to help you.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to talk to them. They are the ones who messed up. Why can’t you do something?”

    Me: “I’m just a lowly cashier. A manager might be able to arrange a solution for you.”

    Customer: “I already told you, I don’t want to talk to a manager!”

    (The line is getting backed up, and other customers are grumbling.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you expect me to do to help you. I’ve offered solutions. You don’t want the issue to be corrected. You don’t want to talk to anyone in the correct department. You just want me to do ‘something’. Why are you complaining to the cashier but refuse to talk to anyone else?”

    Customer: “Well… I don’t think I should have to pay for this! I think I should at least get a discount!”

    Me: “I see, so you’re complaining to me because I’m running the register, and you don’t want the problem corrected because you want something for nothing. Sorry, but you’ve received an $80 grooming, styling and nail cutting service. The ribbons are complimentary and not included. You already got them for free.”

    Customer: *flustered* “I… how dare you try to accuse a paying customer? This is slander! You should be fired for speaking to me that way! I want to speak to your manager!”

    (Just then, another customer in line behind her speaks up.)

    Customer In Line: “No, you didn’t want to speak to a manager, remember?! Why don’t you let actual paying customers, who aren’t trying to rip this place off, buy our stuff and go home?”

    Customer: “Are you going to let him verbally attack me like that? I demand you do something!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s it! I’m calling the manager…”

    (When the manager comes out and listens to her story, the other customer makes sure he hears my side. The manager asks one of the groomers if the woman had complained or asked for different ribbons. According to the groomer, the customer had told them everything was fine and the dog looked great. In the end, the customer is escorted aside to pay like a delinquent, while hanging her head in humiliation the whole time.)

    A Dogged Request

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