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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Human Tested, Dog Approved

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (A man and woman come to my register with a cart full of dog products. They have no dog with them, but the man notices the bowl of dog treats we keep at the registers for dogs who come into the store.)

    Man: “Can I have one of those?”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Man: *takes a dog treat from the bowl and eats it*

    Me: “Sir?!”

    Woman: “Don’t worry, he’s tried dog treats before.”

    Man: “Yeah, this one tasted like s***.”

    Color Me Stupid, Part 3

    | Ohio, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I have a new kitten for an appointment.”

    Me: “Okay, let me get some information from you…”

    (I get a lot of information and come to the question about color.)

    Me: “And what color is the cat?”

    Customer: “It’s cream.”

    Me: “Cream and white?”

    Customer: “No, just plain cream colored!”

    (We get back to the room and I take the cat out of the carrier. It’s a black cat.)

    Related:
    Color Me Stupid, Part 2
    Color Me Stupid

    Wetness Is In The Eye Of The Beholder

    | Brisbane, Australia | Pets & Animals

    (I operate a mobile pet hydrobath, and I’m brushing knots out of a border collie before washing him. He is still completely dry when his owner comes out of the house.)

    Customer: “Where’s the drowned rat?”

    Me: *laughs* “He’s not drowned yet. I’m just going to brush out these knots.”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Aww, who’s a drowned rat?”

    (I figure he can’t see into the bath and didn’t hear me.)

    Me: “I haven’t washed him yet. I’m just giving him a good brush first.”

    (The owner climbs into the trailer where he can clearly see the completely dry dog.)

    Customer: *to his dog* “Now that’s a drowned rat if ever I saw one!”

    Me: “Heh, not yet—”

    Customer: *to his dog* “Who’s a drowned rat?”

    Why So Serious

    | Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am a vet assistant helping a woman who has brought in a small, very hyper dog. I lift the dog up on the table and it starts jumping all over the place.)

    Me: *jokingly* “It must be part kangaroo!”

    Woman: *very pointedly* “It’s. A. Dog.”

    Me: *speechless*

    My Day’s About To Get Hairy

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Pets & Animals

    (I’m working the box office on a particularly slow night. Part of my duty is to answer the phone and deal with customer inquiries. We are a theater that shows rather alternative movies.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [theater].”

    Customer: “Oh, what a lovely young voice. Tell me, what is [movie] about?”

    Me: “It’s about a victim of pedophilia and how she exacts revenge on her abuser. The next showing is at–”

    Customer: “That’s nice. You have such a beautiful voice.”

    Me: “Um, thanks.”

    Customer: “Tell me. Do you like cats? I love cats. I have several. I just moved here and I can’t find any good vets.”

    Me: “Yes. I like them.”

    Customer: “We sound perfect for each other. I’ll see you tonight when I buy tickets from you…in person. You’ll recognize my voice. I’ll also be covered in cat fur. Good night!” *hangs up*


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