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  • Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7
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  • November Theme Of The Month: I Don't Work Here!
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    Category: Pets & Animals

    Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

    Time To Tail The Knot

    | Canada | Pets & Animals

    (At the kennel where I’m the receptionist, we offer a discount if two dogs can share the same run.)

    Customer: “Can you tell me your pricing?”

    Me: “Sure, it’s [price] per dog per night, unless you have two dogs who can share a run. You’re just looking for a single?”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Yes, my dog’s not married.”

    You’re Just Ants-ing For Trouble

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (Note: when people start our service, they sometimes see more bugs in the first week because the chemicals agitate them before they die. We usually get a lot of calls from first time customers freaking out about this, so we have recently asked the techs to explain this to customers so we get less calls.)

    Me: “Pest control, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m very concerned. I just started with you and I don’t have any ants.”

    Me: “Well, that’s a good thing. That means its working.”

    Customer: “But I was told I would see more ants after the treatment! I don’t see any! This is horrible!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have our techs tell all our customers that because sometimes they do. If you don’t, that’s okay, too. Actually, that’s a REALLY good thing.”

    Customer: “But I don’t see any ants! I don’t know what to do!”

    Me: “I’m not sure that I can help, because you don’t seem to have a problem.”

    Customer: “I DO have a problem! NO ANTS!”

    Weekly Roundup: Dog-Gone Customers!

    | Not Always Right | Pets & Animals, Roundups

    Dog Gone Customers! This week’s roundup features dog owning-customers whose behavior has gone to the dogs!

    1. Beverly Spills Chihuahua (2,884 thumbs up)
      A fast food customer’s attempt to sneak her dog in under her shirt leaves her soaked and una-pee-ling!
    2. Bow-Wow Bigotry (1,536 thumbs up)
      Proof paws-itive that discrimination still occurs, no matter how many legs (and tails) you have.
    3. Nip-Picking (3,028 thumbs up)
      A “ticked”-off owner gets a crash course in doggy anatomy!
    4. Bestial Superiority Complexes (1,830 thumbs up)
      If this bigoted bow-wow’s owner doesn’t like bad breeding, they should look in the mirror.
    5. Wait…You Can Do That? (4,174 thumbs up)
      A customer mistakes the local kennel for an all-you-can-dog buffet!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Check Out The Living Minerals Aisle

    | North Carolina, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I work in the fishing department at a sporting goods store. We usually get calls asking our opinion on what equipment to use.)

    Caller: “Hi, is this the fishing department?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know the best rod and reel to use to catch a rocktail fish.”

    Me: “Where is it you are trying to catch it?”

    Caller: “Oh, it’s a fish in Runescape. So, what should I use?”

    (Note: I don’t play Runescape, but know that it’s a computer game.)

    Me: “Sir, are you asking advice on what rod/reel to catch a digital fish?”

    Caller: “Oh… I didn’t really think this through, did I?”

    Business Cat Like A Boss

    | USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

    (Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

    Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

    Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

    Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

    Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

    (This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

    Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

    (He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

    Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

    Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

    Caller: *hangs up*

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