November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Pets & Animals

Would dogs be mans best friend if they realized they are sometimes more intelligent than their owners? Sadly in the world stupid people are allowed to own pets, find out how it can all go horrible wrong from here. Even wild animals cannot escape!

You Gotta Be Barking Mad

| CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “I want this stuffed duck, but do you have one that hasn’t been manhandled?”

Me: “I think we have another upstairs. Let me check for you.”

(It’s fairly busy in the store but I know exactly where another one is, so I run up to get it. A coworker of mine moved the box of stuffed animals onto a hard to reach shelf. When I reach for it I fall into another box of stuffed animals and have to work my way out. I get the toy and run downstairs looking a little disheveled.)

Me: “Here you go. Would you like that wrapped?”

Customer: “Oh, no need. It’s for my dog.”

A Little Bird Told Me That This Customer Is An A**

| USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I work at an animal shelter that only takes dogs and cats. Despite this, a man walks in with a scarlet macaw in what looks like one of those old-fashioned hanging canary cages that is obviously much too small for it.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Man: “I don’t want this parrot anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but this shelter only takes cats and dogs. We don’t have the necessary provisions to care for exotic birds.”

Man: “What do you mean you don’t take birds? You’ve always taken birds here!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m pretty sure we haven’t. Only cats and dogs.”

Man: “What am I supposed to do with this thing then? I bought it for my daughter’s sixth birthday two months ago but she got bored with it already because it doesn’t talk! All it does is scream!”

(Almost as if by command, the parrot starts screaming. I have to start talking loudly to be heard over it.)

Me: “Well, sir, I actually have a list here of other shelters and rescues in the immediate area, and I can give you the address of a bird rescue that’s a few blocks from here, or if you’d prefer, I know of a vet clinic that accepts animals that their owners can no longer care for. I’m pretty sure they accept birds.”

Man: “I don’t have time for this! I have things to do! I’ll just leave it here and you can take the bird there yourself!”

Me: “I can’t do that for you, sir. You’re going to have to take the bird.”

Man: “So are you saying you aren’t going to take the parrot for me?”

Me: “Yes sir, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Man: “This is unbelievable!”

(He storms out with the screaming parrot and makes sure to slam the door on the way out. A coworker who was in the back comes out to check on me.)

Coworker: “Did that man just say he bought a parrot for his daughter’s sixth birthday and now they don’t want it just because it doesn’t talk?”

Me: “Yes, he really did.”

Coworker: “Wow. They really need to make it mandatory to take a test to prove you actually know what you’re doing to weed out the idiots before you can get pets.”

Me: “You should have seen the cage it was in, too. There weren’t any toys and it was really small and something tells me that it wasn’t just a travel cage.”

(Nothing much happened after that until about an hour later when an elderly woman came in.)

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “Oh, I would just like to adopt another cat, preferably one that’s a little older.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. I’ll gladly help you find the right cat for you.”

Woman: “Also did you know there’s a parrot sitting in a cage outside?”

Me: “There’s what?”

(Sure enough, the man left the parrot sitting outside on the sidewalk, exposed to the cold November air. We brought the bird in and warmed him up and despite having sat out in the cold for an hour, he was perfectly okay. The man had the audacity to come in a week later with his daughter, who acted like a spoiled brat the entire time, and demanded to adopt a puppy, but thankfully when I told my boss who he was, she let us refuse to give them an animal. The story had a happy ending, though. One of my coworkers stopped in to pick up her paycheck and saw us with the parrot and immediately fell in love with him and decided to take him home with her. He got along well with her other parrot and now has a happy home with someone who doesn’t care that he doesn’t talk. She named him Screechy.)

They’re Un-bear-able

| Gatlinburg, TN, USA | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(My sister and I work in a store that is located in a tourist town just outside the Smoky Mountain National Park.)

Customer: “We want to see the bears.”

(Black bears are a very popular part of the wildlife in the National Park and area. They actually come to my house all of the time.)

Me: “Well, you can go up to Ober Gatlinburg where they have a bear pen.”

Customer: “Oh, no, we want to see them in the wild.”

Me: “That’ll be hard to arrange…”

Customer: “Say, what time do they let the bears out in the park?”

Me: “They don’t let them out. They are wild animals. They come whenever they want to.”

Customer: “Then how can we see them?”

Me: “Well, you could drive around Mt Leconte and get lucky. Or you could just leave your garbage out on your front porch and wait. They’ll come.”

Flea To The Devil

| SC, USA | Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I am an assistant manager of an extremely popular supermarket. A middle-aged woman stops me as I pass the pet department.)

Customer: “Hey! You! I need some help.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am. I’m off the clock right now but I’ll see what I can do.”

Customer: “Tell me if this will work on puppies.” *thrusts box of flea medicine at my chest*

Me: “Well, it depends on the weight and age of the puppies. What breed are they?”

Customer: “Oh, my god! I don’t know! Some mutt my daughter found! I made her put it in the shed and it had puppies!”

Me: “Okay, not a problem. How old are they?”

Customer: “Three days.”

Me: “Wait, come again?”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said three days!”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t put flea medicine, especially medicine for a dog ten pounds or heavier, on a puppy that’s three days old.”

Customer: “And why the h*** not!? I don’t want them getting fleas. Then they’d be all over my shed!”

Me: “Wait, they don’t even have fleas?”

Customer: “NO! You’re such an idiot!” *grabs the box back from him* “They’re at my house and I’ll put whatever I want on them!”

Me: *somewhat frantically* “Ma’am, they’ll die.”

Customer: “GOOD! I want those f****** ugly dogs dead! Those mutt, mix-breed dogs are a sin and will go to hell! I have a purebred Yorkshire Terrier and can’t risk having fleas in MY shed! I’m calling corporate about you trying to tell me what to do!”

(She then grabbed a second box and stormed out of the aisle, shouting about “mix-breeds are the devil’s work.”)

Customers Like A Fish Out Of Water

| Sunnyvale, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work in the animal department of a big pet store chain.)

Me: “Hi, I hear you’re looking to buy a fish today!”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanted to get my friend one for her birthday.”

Me: “Okay, did she already buy everything she needs? Tank, filter, bubbler?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “How big is the tank? Just so you know these guys can get really big, up to two feet sometimes.”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(I show her an aisle of some different tank sizes, and she points to the 10-gallon. It’s technically enough for a small goldfish for a while, and at this point I can’t say no. I’m asking a few more questions about the setup when she starts to look impatient.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, but, can I just get the fish already? I’ve got to get back to work.”

Me: *I stare at her, confused* “Work?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m on my lunch break.”

Me: “Uh, how long until you will be off of work? You should probably just come back to buy the fish later.”

Customer: “Like, three hours. It’s fine, I’ll put it in the car.”

(It’s the middle of a heat wave in California, at least 90 degrees outside.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just leave the fish in the car for a few hours. Even if I could sell it to you, it would probably die and you’d be right back in here.”

Customer: *doesn’t even look annoyed, just… kinda blank* “Oh.” *after a few moments* “What if I take it with me?”

Me: “Into your work?”

Customer: “Yeah, I can put it in the break room.”

(I proceeded to explain to her, again, that the fish would probably die in the bag before she even got it to her friend’s tank. After a few more minutes of her still trying to get the fish, she left. I didn’t see her again.)